In Case I Wasn’t Clear … But I thought I Was…

Assalamu alaikum, received the following comment in my comments today.

It seems so silly that people should be upset that he lied about being not enough of a criminal. He lied, but his apparent offense is that he did not cheat and steal ENOUGH. So I don’t think that quite puts him with the “corporate bigwigs”.
The main element of this whole story is its absurdity. It needs to be laughed off more than anything.
He will be the next Milli Vanilli Ice.

Firstly, I’m not mad that the guy didn’t actually spend 4.5 years in jail, I mean, come on! I can’t even say that I’m “mad” about it! Heck, I’m not the one that’s gotta look at myself in the mirror, or sleep at night, or well, answer to God for the fact that I’m a perpetual liar.

Perhaps comparing Akon’s lying to the “corporate bigwigs” may have been somewhat of a stretch, but both types of dishonesty illustrate how hard work, integrity, talent, good character, etc., mean nothing anymore!

Let’s try to bring a more apt comparison, as I’ve been thinking about this! Vanilla Ice pretty much gets run out of town because everyone finds out that his backstory wasn’t what we were led to believe it was. Milli Vanilli gets disgraced on live TV was it? Because they, well, lip synched to theri songs. The same with Ashley Simpson on Saturday Night live. And what happened? You never heard from these artists again, or at least, they pretty much faded into obscurity.

Now the thing is, Why should Akon be any different? You’ve got a guy who’s built his whole career on this lie! All of his albums pretty much run the same theme, and his music label is called “konvict Music” for God’s sake! If Ashley Simpson, Vanilla Ice, and Milly Vanilli get run out of town because they’ve been found to be “less than real” why shouldn’t it be any different with Akon?

Oh, because “all artists are doing it”. because “artists are like actors, they’re like characters in a movie”? Huh, now that’s a new one for me!

I think it’s one thing to keep some aspects of your life private, and I can understand a little embellishment, however, the perpetual lying about it, that is to me what the problem is. I understand that most “gangsta rappers” don’t live half of the life they claim to be living when they’re rapping”, which makes the kind of crap they’re putting out even more angering and sad! And what of the fact that some people may have found his story inspiring and may have drawn strength from that (oh but they’re a busta for “believing everything you hear”). What about that? As I said before, why couldn’t he have just taken what he really had and worked with that?

Let me try to break it down for anyone who doesn’t understand! It ain’t just about Akon! It’s about someone who felt he had to make up a criminal past in order to get my street cred, and who made that fake past the foundation of his career. And you have a society who thinks that’s cool. If Akon would have instead went to college, and went back to Senegal to be a teacher or a doctor or something like that, some in the “gangsta hip hop community” would probably say he wasn’t “real enough”, he’d not have gotten near the respect in some corners. However, he lies about running a car theft ring, likes about spending years in prison and we say “wow, how cool!”
Because ya know, actually doing some good in the world, getting down in the trenches, down in the dirt, working hard, lifting up yourself and others, the “hard way”, that ain’t glamorous!

What does appear to be “cool” and “glamorous” is being in prison, stealing, robbing, murder, going to strip clubs, having a lot of “bling bling”, having a lot of owmen, perhaps a lot of baby mams, etc. And as a fan of hip hop music, this makes me angry! I have always been angered by the various uses of the many derogatory terms describing women, and various body parts and sexual acts! In a lot of hip hop recordings, women are nothing but objects, to be used and discarded once they’ve fulfilled their usefulness. Men are, well, supposed to be violent, non-caring,
unless you’re talking about their money and possessions, and they’re not real men unless they’ve killed someone or done time in the pen. This latest “scandal” is justa symptom of a bigger problem!

As I said before, honesty, integrity, good judgment, good character, moral values, etc., in many subsets of our culture and society mean nothing anymore! Which is why people will continue to make excuses for Akon, and other artists’ behavior, calling it “an act”, saying it’s “entertainment”, etc.! Whatever. Entertainment for me is not listening to types of music that degrade me as a woman, and a human being. I’d like to know how many of these artists treat the women in their lives? How do they treat their mothers, daughters, wives, “baby mamas”, grandmothers, friends, etc.?

I just give up! I think I’ve explained myself as much as I can without seeming obsessive about the whole issue. So if you don’t get what I’m saying, you’re just never gonna get what I’m saying!

My Braille Display Is Back!

Assalamu alaikum, I thought I’d posted a news story about the 5.4 earthquake that could be felt in many parts of the Midwest Friday morning (the epicenter of which was somewhere in Illinois). I thought I’d clicked on “publish” and then I left the room and came back and just went to some other website, only discovering that my post, well, hadn’t posted, and I was just too lazy to go back and get it.

At any rate, my Focus 40 refreshable Braille display came back yesterday from Freedom Scientific, where it was getting some much needed repairs, considering that I’d went to plug it in last week, and half of the dots, the ones on the right half of the display, were no longer showing up.

The best way I could describe it would be like if your monitor goes out, or at least part of it anyway. But my Braille display, which had needed to be sent in for service anyway, as the dots had been getting weaker anyway, was of no use to me and I had to send it in for repairs. It was kind of like a car you have, that you know needs work but you can’t afford it, or you’re too lazy to take it into the repair shop to get it fixed or tuned up. And then the car completely breaks down and you have to take it into the shop after all, and the problem is worse than the initial problem that you held off on getting fixed in the first place.

So anyway, Alhamdulillah that the Braille display is back, and the dots are so scrip! I’m just looking at them going “wow!”, which is not a good thing to do when you’re at work, looking at Braille dots and just spacing out in amazement!

Anyway, am still pondering over Akon’s well, uh, “con”, and I know there’s a more reflective/philosophical post somewhere, I just can’t get it to come out! Something along the lines of, “well, we shoulda known” or “well, I coulda told you that, somethin’ just wasn’t right about that guy”.

However, it’s easy to say “yeah I told you so” after the fact of something like this! What is sad is that we’ve got to such a state in our culture that one has to lie, and to lie about how much jail time they got (and instead of making it less than actual, it’s more!), that you have to make yourself out to be more “bad” than you really are, to get any respect, I mean, have we really sunk that low! That someone feels the need to make up a criminal past!

And this is someone who is purportedly? a Muslim? It’s one thing to be in the music business struggling and rapping or singing about those struggles. But to actively lie and/or exaggerate aspects of your past? That bothers me! And given his past shinanigans this just doesn’t surprise me! Not one bit! But we’ll see what happens, we’ll see if he becomes another Vanilla Ice (another one who faked up his past), or if he will just become more “infamous” and sell even more of his raunchy records.

This whole thing has left me feeling sad and perplexed about how far we’ve descended into, well, the depths of something that’s just lacking any kind of morals. And we dont’ care about the *real* issues. Whether it’s Akon lying about his past, or the ABC anchors of that farce of a debate they had the other night (let’s talk about Jeremiah Wright just one more time and not talk about the fact that Iraq is going nowhere fast, the economy is awful, etc., no we wanna just talk about issues that don’t affect anyone else but us ’cause we care about them), our country is just stagnating and well, things just seem different.

I mean, when you’re in your early thirties and find yourself saying how bad things have gotten, I mean, I sound like a grandma or something. Akon is just in the same camp as all the corporate bigwigs who lie, cheat and steal money from the working people and the poor, and just like the corporate bigwigs, Akon isn’t really going to suffer for this. He’ll just put out another sorry “sorry blame it on me” kinda single and people will just forget about it and fall in love with him all over again (”oh he just has such nice hooks, we just don’t care about his character I mean, what’s that got to do with his music”).

Perhaps I’m frustrated that it seems as though in this world anyway, the “good guys” never wins, it’s always the poor, the disenfranchised, the voiceless, who suffer the most. Now what that has to do with Akon lying about his past I’ve not quite sorted out, but perhaps it’s because of the men I come across in my line of work who are trying desperately to make a new start, who’d rather put their criminal past behind them, and here’s Akon making up a criminal past in order to sell more records! And I just see that as a slap in the face to these men.

Perhaps I should just leave all of this really quite trivial stuff alone and leave it with God. I mean, I know for sure there are more important things to be worrying over, more productive things I could be doing with my time.

Anyway, I’ve just been feeling a since of powerlessness, and I think it started with the hearing of that interview with the woman in the Democratic Republic of the Congo, and her horrific story. And I’m just tired. This world is just crazy, and messed up, and all of that, and it seems like it will never end and yet, it will all be gone in a blink of an eye, yet we won’t realize it until it happens.

I’m reminded of when I would see someone doing something wrong as a child, I’d say something like “she’s slamming the door” or “he’s writing on the wall” and some adult, a houseparent, teacher, or family member would say something to me like “you worry about you and I’ll deal with … ” and insert the name of the offending person here. Perhaps that’s what I should do, worry about Ginny and do the best to make sure that I’m not among those who are liars, hypocrites, and all of the characteristics I loathe, yet probably have displayed (sadly) myself a time or two.

Akon’s Con Job – April 16, 2008

Assalamu alaikum, I know I said to myself that I’d never blog about Akon again, but I just couldn’t resist this! You just can’t make these things up! What is it about all that is in the dark will come out in the light? May Allah guide him! Perhaps this will lead him to just come clean and tell the truth! For the truth shall set you free.

I Like Akon (and music, in general) In Spite of Myself

Assalamu alaikum, which is probably why his antics of late have had me in such an uproar! As I’ve mentioned before, or maybe I’ve not, I can’t remember, when Akon first came out, well, when I first heard is song “Locked Up”, I was sitting on the bus, getting ready to leave Memphis, on my way back home. I thought to myself, “Who is this”? Yep, I had one of those “who is that” moments, similar to when I first heard Youssou Ndour, Salif Keita, Thione Seck, Mariah Carey, Whitney Houston, India.arie, and well, probably more artists I can’t think of right now. It’s late here, ya know.

But anyway, so I’m sitting on the bus, thinking “who is this”? And I remember hearing an interview with him on MTV Radio on XM Radio, and I was like “well OK, whatever”, wasn’t too impressed.

So then I started researching online about him, read his life history well I should say, read what was available online about him, and, well, I think I kind of put him on some sort of a pedestal, you know, the kind you put people on when they’ve overcome some sort of odds, either real or imagined, and you just think “wow, what a great person to have done that”.

And I just well, liked his music, his first album didn’t have the explicit language, didn’t have so much of the “gangsta” stuff as his second album had on it.

And I was completely repulsed by that song with Snoop Dogg “I Wanna Love You”, except the uncensored version doesn’t use the word “love”, and I was like “yuck” and promptly changed the station, though the uncensored version of the song does get to me! His songs are very catchy and I’ve found myslef singing to them, even if I don’t want to.

So the polygamy stuff, the dancing with the girl, the throwing the kid off stage, well, that’s just left me disappointed! Why? I don’t know. I think when you’re a celebrity, singer, whatever, things just go to your head, all the women, people wanting to get close to you because of who you are, just so they can say they know you, well, I think it would be hard not to let that get to a person’s head!

Whether Akon practices polygamy, or just has a bunch of women, I think I can say Alhamdulillah, that I’m not in that sort of a situation and say Mashallah that his wife can handle it, because I don’t think I could, and still remain true to Islam. Calling someone your “wife” without having the requisite stuff Islamicly, does not a wife make! And if he’s just plain being unfaithful, well, that I can’t handle!

To me, it’s not so much about “not wanting to share my man”, but it’s an issue of trust, as well as personal health/safety on my part! If I know that my man was being unfaithful, even though I could handle it emotionally or mentally, well, I’d not want him bringing something back home with him!

Anyway, I’m getting dangerously close to rehashing, so I’ll stop for now, and say that his personal life is his business but please don’t bring Islam into it when “Islam” don’t got nothing to do with it!

Anyway, so despite all of htis, I wish I could say “I’ll never listen to his music again”. But unfortunately, I can’t do that! I hear an Akon song and feel myself involuntarily bobbing my head! And not just with Akon, a lot of stuff that I know I shouldn’t be listening to! And this gives me a lot of trouble! I wonder if I’ll be questioned about it on Yaum al Qiyama, and to be honest it frightens me!

And I can’t say to Allah, well, it’s Akon’s fault, or Stevie’s fault, or 50 Cent’s fault, or Youssou’s fault, or anyone else’s, my actions are my own!

Praying was easy for me, fasting was easy, hijab was easy, so much of adopting Islam and making it a part of my life was easy for me, but giving up music, and popular music, is ever so hard for me, Subhanallah!

And another confession… I’ve always wanted to meet people that I admire, or whose music/writing/lectures/whatever have made an impact in my life! Just to say, “hey, you’ve made a difference”, not to go gah gah over the fact that they’re some kind of “famous person”. However, is my interesting in wanting to meet said people, in and of itself, a sign that I do indeed put certain people on a pedestal?

Just some meandering thoughts on a late Sunday evening. And did you know that I used to want to be a singer? And I’ve been told, and thought that I could do it. But my father advised me that I should pursue something more “practical” as being a singer would not guarantee me success!

And now, I just don’t think I could deal with the celebrity of it! Not to mention the religious restrictions. I just don’t think I could handle it, and we wonder why celebrities end up, many of them anyway, using drugs, womanizing, drinking, and all other manner of not so good behavior. That and all of their mistakes and mis-steps are out there for the whole world to see.

So while I still like to sing, yep, I do, I don’t think I’d want to be Akon’s next artist to be signed to his lable (singing nasheeds no doubt lol).

Anyway, sorry guys, I’m sure I’ve lost you by now! I need to go to bed, I’ve got work tomorrow. So anyway, yep, I admit it, I like Akon’s music, wish I could say I didn’t, but sadly… But I don’t like his behavior, and if he’s a Muslim, well, Inshallah, he will be led in a different direction than he seems to be going now. Allah alone knows best.

And I’m going now. I need to sleep. Perhaps I’ll take this post down. I’ve found of late I don’t like putting too much of my “real” self, i.e., my deep thoguths, struggles, personal feelings, etc., out there for everyone to read. It makes me feel vulnerable, exposed, etc. And I don’t much like it!

My strong reaction to Akon’s antics of late isn’t so much about the events in and of themselves, as they are about my own personal experiences with men, how Islam has been used to justify people’s behavior, my experiences with abuse, infidelity, etc., so it’s just not about Akon’s behavior but for osme strange reason, it brought up a whole host of feelings that I’d thought I’d dealt with, and perhaps have not.

Net Music Countdown: Akon Apologizes To Gwen Through Song

Assalamu alaikum, yep, Akon has written an apology song, apologizing to many people according to many reports on the Net, , i.e., his mom, his wife (you mean he’s only got one? sorry couldn’t resist that one), the girl in Trinidad he danced with, etc., etc. Anyway, I’ll need to find the lyrics, but if you wanna search and find them yourself the song is called “Sorry, blame it on me”. or something like that.

And I was ready to, especially after hearing the song “Mama Africa” (no it’s not a remake of the Garnet Silk song). I was like ready to say, “OK, Akon, perhaps I let the media reports get the best of me. Perhaps I was wrong, sorry, for writing all this stuff I wrote about you.” Then, there was this part of the song where he says something like, “even though the blame is on you, blame it on me”. And I was like “huh?” I had this image flash through my mind of the man who is abusive or otherwise done wrong. He’s just got done cheating on his wife/girlfriend, or beating her or something like that, and then he says “oh I’m so sorry, I’ll never do it again, and then proceeds to tell her how it was all her fault he had to do it anyway. Perhaps that was not the intent of the song, but that’s what it remind me of. And given that the song was most likely written before Akon supposedly threw a fan off the stage, well, hmmm, you want to say that at the very least this guy doesn’t seem to think before he does / says things.

Perhaps I’m putting my own cultural/religious values on someone I shouldn’t be. Perhaps I have put him on some kind of pedestal because I thought he was a Muslim, and thus I expected him to act in a certain way. Perhaps because he is from Senegal, I expected him to act and carry himself in a certain way, because of the Gambians/Senegalese that I knew. And perhaps I was wrong about all of this!

Perhaps I just took what was being reported/talked about and ran with it, and I had no business saying anything. Yeah you can say Akon said x, y and z and then proceed to write/comment about it, but what good does that do? Does it really concern me? What right do I have talking about someone like I know them? Like they’re some kind of friend or acquaintance of mine? I’m sure I could just say, “Oh, I’m giving nasiha” or something like that, or I’m speaking out on someone who’s “giving Islam a bad name”.

But in actuality, I’m using him and his antics as an outlet for all of my frustrations I’ve had regarding men, all of the ill treatment I’ve had, etc. I’ll just put that out there and be honest about it. All the bad brothers I’ve read about, all the stuff they’ve done, Akon’s supposed “polygamy”, well, that just made him the target for all of my pent up frustration, anger, whatever you call it! Yeah, I know that is strange, maybe, but well, as I said before, I just reminded me of all the abusive, no-good “brothers” out there, and well, perhaps it’s really not for me to say anything about it.

And I started thinking on how awful the press can be, how they like to always put someone up on a pedestal, only to knock them down. I remember at first when Akon was heralded as the guy who was once a criminal, in prison, and who turned himself around. Now, they want to make an R. Kelly out of him.

I guess the only “nasiha” I could give would be to tell him to please just be careful what you say and what you do, think before you do anything! Because when you’re in the limelight like that, people are watching everything!

But hey, I’m not saying anything new that I’m not sure plenty of people have not told him already. I just keep thinking how we are commanded as Muslims to checking things out before we pass on news that we here, and how we should leave what does not concern us. So yeah, Akon may be every bit like the “bad brothers” I know/read/hear about. But I have to ask myself, what right do I have to come on a blog and talk about someone I don’t even know? Perhaps this will be something Allah will ask me about on Yaum-al-qiyama. Perhaps this is something that will weigh against me on the Day of Judgment. And at that time, I won’t be thinking about what Akon was doing!

Anyway, I’d write more but it’s 3:30 in the morning, I’m tired, and I’m sure everyone’s just tired of hearing about this already.

Net Music Countdown: Akon Apologizes To Gwen Through Song

To Support a Petition (or not)

Assalamu alaikum, Yusuf blogs about the now seemingly infamous “mega-mosque petition”, the appeals to sign it of which have been left on many people’s blog comments. I actually left a comment on Umar Lee’s blog, stating that while I was in favor of petitions, as a whole, I didn’t much appreciate having them left in my comments area on a post that had nothing to do with the subject of the petition.

Anyway, the way that the person pushing for all of us to sign the petition has gone about expressing his disagreement with Yusuf, I, and possibly others who have objected to his tactics of getting the word out regarding the petition, in my opinion, negates any good he was seeking to do, or encourage others to do, by signing/supporting such an effort.

Yusuf has already responded to the comments dealing with him (and to some extent me), and since I don’t want to pretend to speak for or defend Yusuf, I’ll only address what was specifically directed to me.

“Then there’s his friend Ginny, who’s more concerned
about Akon then striking a blow for Islam and supporting that which benefits Muslims.”

Again, I reiterate that it’s not the petition itself that I necessarily have a problem with, it’s having spam comments about said petition, in my comments box, that have *nothing* to do with the topic of the blog post, that I objected to! And then having the person pushing you to support said petition going and lying, slandering, and taking gibes at people because they raise such objections.

Whatever “good” that you hoped to have gained by encouraging others to support this petition, has completely been negated by how you’ve decided to go after those who disagreed with how you’ve gone about encouraging us to support the petition in the first place.

And from what I understand, this petition isn’t so much about Muslims “supporting the mosque”, as it is about getting non-Muslims to sign it, to demonstrate that they are not bigoted and thus are not against the building of the mosque on bigoted grounds. So what does this have to do with Muslims? It would be like someone asking black people to sign a petition saying that they are not racists! To illustrate my point, I quote from the words of the petition as follows:

“I think that it would show how tolerant we are of other religions to build a large Mosque for people to worship at. Those who say that it would incite violence
give not only christians, but a large part of England, a bad name. So I urge you to sign this petition, whatever your religion, as long as you belive in
tolerance.”

This is not about asking Muslims to support a project that benefits them, which, incidentally, is still going forward anyway, but this is about non-Muslims being encouraged to sign a petition, showing *their* support for the building of the mosque, on the grounds that they are tolerant, open-minded, and not bigoted.

Had this been a petition, directed at Muslims, encouraging them to sign a petition to support a project, this is different. And in any case, I have no problem supporting either effort. However, I don’t want to be forced into it, I don’t want to be guilt-tripped into it, and I don’t want the insinuation made, that if I, for whatever reason, object to either signing the petition, or having messages/comments about the petition posted on my blog, in an area that has *nothing* whatsoever to do with anything related to the topic, that I am somehow damaging the Ummah, hurting the Muslims, or “not striking a blow for Islam”!

And the defamatory post that has been written, in response to I and Yusuf, who have objected to both the way in which information about the petition was posted, as well as the contents/wording of the petition itself, have definitely made me *not* to want to support such an effort! And have also made me wonder about the “state of the Muslims” for someone to act in this way, simply because we express our disagreements to them on something they have done!

Regarding Akon, IMHO, his actions, as someone who professes Islam, could have a “more detrimental affect” on me as a Muslim, than whether or not a “mega-mosque” is, or is not, constructed in Britain! Because when Akon goes out on the radio airwaves of I think, the largest radio market in the country, on one of the top-rated radio stations in the country, and starts spouting off about “Islam”, “culture”, “polygamy”, etc., and then people, ostensibly non-Muslims, take away negative impressions of Muslims, Africans, etc., from hearing this exchange, when he chooses to use aspect of his relgion as a publicity stunt, to me, that is more detrimental to Islam and Muslims than whether a mosque is, or is not, constructed. Because to me, it is just as important to speak out or express your concerns about someone claiming to represent Islam and Muslims, while acting as anything but the way the majority of Muslims should act, and at the same time, claiming that their behavior is “OK” or “acceptable”, as it is to voice your support for the construction of a mosque, be it “mega” or otherwise. However, this petition is not asking Muslims, in and of themselves, to support the building of the mosque anyway.

And whatever decisions Muslims make, whether we decide to sign the petition or not, the rise or fall of the Ummah isn’t going to hinge upon whether Yusuf, I, or anyone else sign the petition or decline to sign it!

Google Search Terms and Another Akon Rant, or “What *really* Bothers You so Much about Akon?”

Assalaamu alaikum, yes, Google/search term goodness! On my WordPress blog dashboard, it gives the terms that were used to find my blog. I note not all of them below, but the ones I found most interesting/humorous. So here goes:

Today there are only two “terms” that I found funny.

1. 3G IS PERMISSIBLE IN ISLAM

3G? As in, the phones? That is funny. Not to down anyone who may be trying to find out the permissibility of “3G”, but hey. Is there any reason to think that 3G wouldn’t be permissible in Islam?

 
2. Akon says allah 

So what? I and millions of others say “Allah” too, but does this give us the right to make raunchy videos of us dancing with underaged girls, or make songs depicting in lewd, lurid detail, how we watch women in strip clubs, and what we’d like to do to those women after we “get them home”? Too bad he wasn’t thinking about “Islam and culture” then, unless of course perhaps he was asking the 14-year old girl to be his wife while he was all up on her dancing with her? Funny how we can forget about “lowering the gaze” and other aspects of Islam, yet talk all about “Islam and culture” when it suits us!

*** Rant coming up, bypass if you don’t wanna read any furhter! ***
Reminds me of this song by an artist called T-Pain I heard a few days back, yeah, was at my brother’s house or in the car or something and the radio was on, and the song was called “Bartender”, about a guy who basically find a good-looking woman who, uh, was a bartender (so guess not only is he in love with strippers but bartenders too). So anyway, the song was basically about how he and her got together, etc., etc. And Akon comes on and starts singing about how he doesn’t smoke, doesn’t drink, and how he hardly ever “comes out”, unless he’s riding his Lambergini. Oh, yes, but clearly, at least if his songs are taken seriously, he goes to strip clubs. But I’m digressing, sort of! I just thought to myself, well, so I’m supposed to think you’re something because you don’t smoke or drink like so many of the people you hang around with? *sigh* I don’t smoke or drink either, but then again, I’m not talking all “Islam and culture” merely to suit my own nafs, yet forgetting all about it when say, we talk about how we deal with the opposite sex.

“So what’s your deal with Akon?” I’ve often been asked. When Umar dropped in that bit about Akon on one of his posts a while back, someone said to me, “I just knew you would say something when he did that.” And they were right. So what is it about Akon that bothers me so much!

The only thing I can point to would be that he exemplifies to me, all the “bad brothers” who use things like polygamy to justify their “player ways” shall we say. And the fact that he went on radio and talked about it, to a presumably non-African and non-Muslim audience was just embarrasing to me! And to see some of the comments directed toward him on some of the blogs (again by non-Muslims and non-Africans) was just, well, bad.

One comment that sticks out, from someone who seemed to be African-American, went on and on about “how you guys sold us into slavery”, and “you guys are back there in Africa eating bush meat”, etc., etc. And it just made me sad! Just a lot of hate, ill feeling, and ignorance!

And supposedly, there is going to be some sort of reality show dealing with Akon and his multiple wives, and I thought to myself, how “permissible” is this? I mean, could this possibly be revealing things that are supposed to be kept “secret”, or at least between the spouses themselves? How “Islamic” is this? How “cultural” is this?

Is it “cultural” to make your private/marital life public for millions of people to see? I’d say not, but hey, I’m not the one proposing such a reality show. And why do this if polygamy is *not* legal in this country, and make yourself open to possible prosecution? I mean, it’s one thing to talk about a fictional show dealing with polygamy, but a “reality” show dealing with such a topic? To me, there is just so much *wrong* with this concept, but as I said, I guess it’s not for me to worry or get upset about, as I’m not the one who is proposing, organizing, or participating in this sort of thing.

But anyway, back to why this “bothers” me, as someone put it when we were discussing this, they said that Akon represented both the “worst in both the black and Muslim communities”. Well, I can’t speak for the black community as, well, I’m not black. But as far as Muslims go, I’d not necessarily consider him “the worst” of the Muslim community, but he’s pretty bad, and most certainly not “the best” that our “community” has to offer either.

Let’s just say that I *wasn’t* married, and my wali approached me and said, “Hey, I have this brother, he’s got multiple wives already, but hey, he’s a singer so he’s gone a lot, he tours and does other such things a lot, so he probably won’t have a lot of time for you, not to mention the other wives, and oh by the way, he talks about going to strip clubs and bringing girls home. And also, there’s this YouTube video floating around on the Net, showing him dancing suggestively with a 14-year old girl, though he says he didn’t know she was 14 at the time. So what do you think? Is this brother acceptable to you? Oh, yeah he’s a Muslim, he sings about Allah and Praying in a few of his songs, though I can’t say whether he adheres to any of the tenets of Islam himself, well, unless you wanna count polygamy, and that’s not really a “tenet” of Islam. So what do you think, sister? Would you want me to contact him an dlet him know if you’re interested? Oh, yes, I almost forgot, he might be doing a reality show on you and your life together, so you need to be aware of that too.”

Perhaps some women would get all starstruck and say “Yeah, I wanna marry him.” But me, know, because the fact that my time with this potential spouse would be divided between me, his other wives, and his busy schedule, I’d think that I’d hardly have a husband at all.

But what about all of the other “Akons”, who have all of these other wives minus the busy schedule and the money? What about the sisters who aren’t told of the “extra info” about a “Akon-like” brother? Let’s say all she was told was “oh he’s on the deen”, or “oh he’s a good brother, Mashallah” and wasn’t told about the wives, the strip clubs, the YouTube videos, and the 14-year old girls? Or, let’s just say she’s told something like, “Oh this brother has some problems, but sister, you can help him improve his deen, and by the way, marriage is half your religion and besides, you’ll be rewarded, Inshallah, for “setting him straight”. Never mind the question of why his existing wives couldn’t have “set him straight”. And also never mind that this brother proposing the “Akon-like brother” for potential marriage would probably never let his daughter, cousin, sister, or other female family member marry this brother… And OK, I’m digressing again. Back to the topic at hand, sort of.

What bothers me is, is this setting a good example of what we want our Muslim men to be? I’ll leave the “what do we want our black men to be?” question out of it, as I think there are people obviously more qualified to talk about this than I am.

So, to break it down, what bothers me is the example this sets, to both Muslims and non-Muslims. There are already enough negative impressions of us as it is! We sure don’t need Akon contributing to this either! I can just see Daniel Pipes, Robert Spencer, et al., trying to label Akon is some sort of “terrorist” because of this. Think I’m being far-fetched? Maybe not so much. And even though Akon is no terrorist *Akon a terrorist, how laughable*, he still, in his own way, misrepresents Islam and Muslims, to the wider non-Muslim world, and I think that is what gets at me! I mean, when I heard him on that radio show talking about “all Africans practice polygamy”, and how it’s his “Islam and culture, and how he could have as many wives as he wanted”, etc., I wanted to just figuratively hide under the desk! I’m sure glad Fox News didn’t pick up on this aspect of Akon (though I think I did see Michelle Malcon talking about the raunchy video witht he 14-year old girl), because if they did, well, then I’d have to answer the “does Islam really allow this?” questions from my non-Muslim family members.

Either that, or I’d be told “not to marry anyone from Senegal because “you know how those Senegalese men are”. And since Yusuf has already outed my husband (smile no hard feelings) on my comments, I’ll say that I’m sure glad my parents aren’t saying something like “hey your husband’s from the same cultural region as Akon, you’d better watch out before he starts bringing other wives home”. This is one time I can say I’m sure glad my family is not aware of this whole “polygamy thing” regarding Akon, though they might learn about it assuming that the “reality show buzz” is true! Or at least the ones that are, know enough about Islam and Muslims that they know the difference between “good Muslims” and Akon, they know the difference between Akon and other Africans, and that not “every African practices polygamy”, etc.

And now that I’m writing this and reading this, I’m thinking, what does this matter to me?

I’m worrying about something that, in all likelihood, will not affect me in the least and on Yaum-al-Qiyama I won’t be worrying about Akon or anyone else, for that matter. So hmmm, but sadly, it still bothers me! Because of the detrimental affect it could have on us “normal” Muslims, or those Muslims trying to practice polygamy, in the right way, in the “privacy” of their own homes. Anyway.

This whole Akon thing just reminds me too much of the brothers who “arent” doing right. The brothers who use Islam as a way to justify their continued “player lifestyle” or their “street ways”, etc. Not to mention the fact that Akon has seemingly taken it upon himself to “represent/speak for” Muslims/Africans, who may not necessarily practice Islam the way he does, or even be Muslim at all, and Africans who may not choose to practice polygamy (no matter how much he may say that *all* Africans practice this). And there is soemthing that really bothers me about *one* person claming to speak for a *whole group* of people. And perhaps that is what bothers me. Because when Akon says “all Africans” do it, I feel as though he’s trying to say that *all* Africans, say, practice polygamy, which any person, I’d think, would know isn’t necessarily the case. Or that *all* Africans implement their “Islam” or “culture” in the same way/manner that Akon does. And that just is simply not the case. No matter how much Akon may want to justify his “lifestyle” by saying “everyone else of my kind/background” is doing it! All I’m saying is don’t say that “all Africans are doing it”, in an attempt to justify your own behavior, and thus speak for people that don’t need *you* to speak for them! Because people like my husband, choose *not* to practice polygamy, do *not* think it’s OK to dance with underaged girls, and *do not* think that going to strip clubs and taking girls home that they meet there is “OK”. And I’d rather like to think that my husband, as well as other African Muslims, are more representative of African Muslim men, than Akon ever could be, even if *some* of these African Muslim men may practice polygamy. Because even if these men may be *more* similar to Akon in that respect, they are still *different* than Akon, because they lower the gaze, they strive to stay away from what Allah has commanded us to stay away from, which Akon doesn’t seem to do, and they “guard what Allah would have them guard”, they don’t seek to make their private lives public by trying to have some sort of “reality show” or something like that.

When Akon uses the word “all” in speaking about Senegalese, Africans, and Muslims, he’s saying that *all* are just like him! And this is just simply *not the case*. And that is what bothers me! It’s another “Muslim” trying to speak for the rest of us, and “define” what “Islam”, and in the case of Akon, what “being Senegalese” or “being African” is. And then turns around and does things which are anything but “Islamic”, and I’d almost say “culturally acceptable”, however, this, again, would be up to other Senegalese/Africans, to define if Akon’s actions are “culturally representative”, though I’ve been told by some Senegalese that they are not, and have even had one commentor say that Akon is an embarrassment to Senegal and Senegalese/Africans. But what can I do about it? Nothing really, except of course, not watch any future “reality shows” starring him, don’t buy any music from him, which I don’t anyway, and otherwise not patronize his work in any way. And *that* is what I can do. that, and of course, rant and rave on this blog until my readership drops to 0! *lol*

Part Two of Debate with Ali Eteraz: Polygamy « Umar Lee

Assalamu alaikum, nothing like a polygamy / Akon discussion to get me going!

It appears that Umar Lee is having a debate with Ali Eteraz regarding polygamy. I think the previous debate was on “feminism” or something along those lines.

At any rate, I’d commented on Umar’s blog but I was so caught up in the Akondrama, that I really didn’t think that I adequately addressed the real topic on which Umar was speaking.

Firstly, as a Muslim, I don’t disagree with the practice of polygyny (which is the term I’ll use since that is actually what we are talking about and not multiple spouses across the board), in and of itself. Allah in the Qur’an says that polygyny is OK / allowed, so I don’t feel that I as a Muslim can go against something that Allah has stated is permissible.

I think what bothers me as a woman is the “misuse” of the practice, or I should say “perceived” misuse, because the only evidence I have to support this are things that I’ve read or heard about, I don’t know of any situations up close that denote such “misuse” of the practice.

But what bothers me as a woman, is the use of polygyny purely for a man’s “lust”, shall we say. OK, I’m not saying anything about the “halalness” or “legality” of such a thing. Sure, it could be “legal”, from a fiqh standpoint, for a man to marry a younger, prettier, maybe wealthier woman, however where does good character and adab play into all of this?

I mean, the idea I get from the way some men practice polygyny is that they take additional wives because they get “tired” of the first, second, or third one, and want “something new” as it were. Nothing about taking care of widows, orphans, older women, here it’s all about a man satisfying his “lust”, etc. But while a man might have this “outlet” if his wife is not satisfying him, what does a woman have, in practical terms, if she is not “satisfied” by her husband, she just can’t get a second husband? Because while we can talk about the man “getting his”, what about the woman, if I am not mistaken, it is not just a man’s right to sexual satisifaction in a marriage, but a woman’s too. So what does she do if she is “tired” of her husband, or if he is not “satisfying” her, or if he is not being the “good husband” that he should be? Because when I think about it, the problem with polygyny is that it is viewed by many as the “cure-all” when a man is not happy with his wife. Wife not satisfying you, get another one. Wife not being the “dutiful wife”, “get a new one”. Etc., etc. Of course the use of divorce, either through threats to the wife, or by actually carrying it out, is another “cure-all” used by some men to keep their wives in line, but that’s another topic. But getting back to the original topic, if you see a pretty, young, attractive woman, marry her, but oh yeah, don’t take into consideration her deen, her character, what kind of an impact this will have on your current marriage, just marry her, because Allah knows, you’ve got “lust” to satisfy, remember? And oh, by the way, let’s compound the problem by lying to your first wife, about the second, and trying to keep the second wife a secret. Oh, yeah, adab sure seems to go out the window here. I mean, while we are all about “following the Sunnah” when we talk about polygyny, how did the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) practice it? Did he marry any women in secret? What kind of factors played into the wives he chose? Was it all about “lust” and “biology” for him?

As I’ve said before, I think that polygyny can be a good thing, I’m not against it per se. But I’m against how it is practiced by some today, and viewed by many today. You have some men who view it as an absolute right, regardless if they can even support or take care of multiple wives, and women who view other women who openly say that they are not interested in such an arrangement as somehow selfish and not “Muslimah enough” or “on the deen” enough or whatever. It is as if polygyny has been reduced to a “threat” for the woman, i.e., if you aren’t the perfect wife, then I’ll just go get me another one. And for the man it’s become all about sex.

I also think when people talk about polygyny “being a Sunnah” they seem to forget that for 25 years? the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) stayed married to *one woman* and *only one woman*, Khadijah, until her death and only then did he engage in polygyny. Where does “biology” and “lust” and “men satisfying their needs in a halal way” fall into this equation?

Just as “lust” or “sex” could play a part in a man marrying his first wife, I don’t think it should be the only determining factor, whether he’s marrying for the first time or the fourth! And while probably from a strictly fiqh perspective, a man could legally, in Islamic terms, marry for strictly “sexual” reasons, as well as marry without the first wife’s knowledge even, where does this fall when you are talking about adab, etc.?

While it is “OK” to marry a second wife without telling the first, legally speaking, is it really good adab to do so? Is it good for the marriage in the long run? What happens when the “newness” wears off of the second wife, what does a man do then? Go get another? Or, should he just use self-restraint, as he did before he even got married in the first place?

Perhaps if he doesn’t feel “satisfied”, him and his current wife could work on that? Because I don’t think it just goes back to “biology”, in trying to explain why Allah allowed this practice. Yeah, perhaps it could be biology, but seeing as how some women indeed have pretty high sex drives, I don’t think “biology” entirely explains it all. Perhaps this is just one of those things that we as humans just don’t understand yet.

My feeling on polygyny is that it should be practiced with care, good adab, and respect for the wife’s feelings in the matter! And women need to be honest with themselves and their husbands from the outset of the marriage, or I should say, before they even get married, as to whether or not they’d be comfortable with a second, third, or fourth wife in the picture. And don’t be pretentious about it and talk about it “being the Sunnah” and “it being his right”, etc. just as he has a right to engage in polygyny, you, as a woman, have a right to say no to the practice as well. As both monogamy and polygyny are “part of the Sunnah”, if you will. So either way, you are “following the Sunnah”.

OK, before I go I gotta get one more dig in on Akon. Are all his wives, livin’ in the same house? OK, I don’t know about other madhhabs, but to my knowledge, at least in the Maliki madhhab, all of the wives have to have their own separate, self-contained dwellings! Though they can be right next to each other. What do other schools of thought say regarding this?

Anyway, this just goes back to my thought that many are “all about the Sunnah” or “following the Sunnah” when it suits their own desires, but when you look at other aspects of their lives, the Sunnah just goes out the window?! But I’ve already addressed this in other blog posts. So I’m not going to go their now.

Part Two of Debate with Ali Eteraz: Polygamy « Umar Lee

Raunchy video creates buzz ahead of Akon’s concert in Tampa

Assalamu alaikum, hmmm, I had quite a few thoughts running through my head when I first read this article! My first thought was, well, almost a “so what was so bad abou tit”, not in the Islamic moral “Ginny’s set of morality rules”, sense, but the “rest of the world” sense. I mean, look at R. Kelly! he supposedly married a 15-year old “Aaliyah”, not to mention the videos that surfaced depciting his escapades with underage girls, and he seems to be doing just fine! So why did Verizon decide to drop sponsorship of Akon’s tour? Seems a wee bit hypocritical to me! Personally, speaking. In the article they say “we’ve been looking at this for a long time”, wonder why? Perhaps the polygamy drama might have something to do with it? Because I sure don’t know what else Akon’s been doing or saying (that other artists haven’t also been doing or saying) that could make Verizon decide to think about pulling their sponsorship of him *before* the incident with the 14-year-old. Unless, of course, they weren’t *actually* thinking about pulling said sponsorship *before* the incident, however, saying so might “sound better” or something. And maybe I’m just too cynical, but part of me wondered how many other girls/women wanted to be in that 14-year girl’s place! I’d like to know what her “real” reaction was, well, other than what I’d read of what the father had said abou tit. Well, not that I’d like to “know”, I’d like to think she was mortified, but what if she wasn’t? And to me, it’s pretty low to promise someone a trip to Africa, and then say “I am Africa” and proceed to well, for lack of a better term, dance lewdly all over me! Yuck! Thank God for Islam, and Inshallah, Akon finds his! If he even had it in the first place! Oh, yeah, I forgot, he has the “polygamy” part down, but ya know, guess praying, modesty, respect, that ain’t the “culture” or “religion” he practices, but oh, he can sure remember the “polygamy” part. And I’m so tempted to say “but ain’t that just like a man”, but that is absolutely wrong, as there are many, many good men at there, and I’d imagine that, well, I’d hope that, there are many Senegalese Muslims who are looking at this guy and going “What?!” I’m starting to think that Akon needs some sort of “intervention” or something!

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