On Questioning Islam

Assalamu alaikum, just wanted to make clear that I’m not questioning Islam itself or being a Muslim. Just questioning certain interpretations of it, and perhaps whether or not I’ve gotten some things wrong. Which as I’ve thought about it, have done some reading, and conversed with people, doesn’t seem to be the case. And there’s something to be said about talking with and keeping company with knowledgeable people, and not letting what just anyone posts online cause you so much trouble. Because that gets back to the anonymity of the Net, and that because of said anonymity, one must take much of what one reads with a grain of salt.

And from this point on, I have no idea where I’m going with this post, I’ve written and re-written, deleted and re-typed, only to erase it all and start over, because I have a lot of thoughts in my head, whirling around, most of which I’ve already blogged about, so I don’t want to rehash them again, even though I know I have a penchant for doing just that. But I mainly wanted to let everyone know that I have no intention of leaving Islam. I’ve just been shaken by a few things I’ve seen online, which on reflecting on it, shouldn’t have shaken or troubled me so much. It’s really funny how something one minute won’t even phase you, but the next the very same thing has bothered you so much that you’re totally preoccupied with it and stressed over it.

Anyway, I fear sometimes that this blog loses balance because many times the only times I feel spurred to come on here and write are when I’m upset, angry, confused, depressed, or some other “negative” emotion. I don’t think I write as much when I’m happy, worry-free, content, etc. Because those kind of thoughts seem to be more like twitter updates than full-fledged blog entries. Because it seems easier to go on and on about what’s bothering me, or what’s got me thinking and why, whereas the “I’m happy” posts are something like “hey things are cool, Chloe’s cool, bye see ya later”. Or “here’s today’s track and why I like it”.

And then I have the occasional articles I link on here with little or no comment, and of course you can see my google reader’s shared items and my Twitter updates. But it bothers me that the only time I sit down to craft a thoughtfully written post is when I’m upset, angry, frustrated, feeling depressed, or just plain need to vent, or it least that’s how it feels anyway. And that really bothers me, because it makes me wonder what kind of an image of myself that I’m projecting to the world. Which then gets me back to whether or not to blog, and then I think of how much I like to write and like to have people read what I write, and so I decide to continue blogging.

But anyway, I still don’t know where I’m going with this post, so perhaps I should end it. I’d wanted to nap a bit anyway before I start work in about an hour. I’m just having one of those moments where I have a lot I want to say, but I can’t quite get it out and I know that I’ve probably said it all before a thousand times anyway. So on that note, I’ll go for now.