UDP Has a YouTube Channel

YouTube – udpgambia's Channel.

Yep, you heard/read right! I kinda chuckled to myself when I saw this. I thought to myself “hey they’re doin’ things real big now”, but seriously, what a way to get your message out guys! Keep up the good work, and keep the videos coming.

Anyone Remember Paul Hardcastle?

The Latest edition of “Today’s Tracks”…

The first is kind of a staple on Smooth Jazz radio, though the first time I heard it was on Z93, which was a pop station in Kokomo, Indiana. My grandmother used to let me listen to her stereo, with a pair of headphones that I had, before I got my own portable radio to keep in my room. A segment they had on the station at the time was called “Smash or Trash” where they’d play a song and people would call in and vote “smash or trash”, if it was a smash they’d play it again, if it was “trash” they wouldn’t. The “Rainforest” song was on “Smash or Trash”, though I can’t remember if it was “Smahsed” or “trashed”.

The next song I think was a pretty substantial hit, I remember it being all over the radio. And it really had a profound affect on me as a kid, with its subject matter and all.

Thanks All.

… for voting for me at the Brass Crescent awards. I got an Honorable Mention for Best Female Blog, which, well, is enough for me. Heck, I was happy just to be nominated, I kinda felt like I won already, and I know that sounds so cliche, but that’s how I felt.

Being nominated was a surprise to me, a very pleasant one, really. I’m not sure that I’ve ever been nominated, so this was just, well, completely cool.

Anyway, this has really made my whole week. Thanks everyone.

Monday Thoughts

Assalamu alaikum, thoughts of the day…

“Well, it’s Monday morning already, Chloe’s whining to go out, have stalled her as long as I can, guess I better not put off the inevitable any longer and just go ahead and get out of bed and get ready for the day.”

“Ugh, the Pepsi in this bottle tastes funny. Why is that? Did they change the formula? Did the lady that got my food during lunch get me a 0 calory Pepsi or something? No, she’d have told me I’m sure. But for some reason this Pepsi doesn’t taste the same as it does in the cans. Why is that? The best Pepsi comes in the two-liter bottles, then cans, then the 20-ounce bottles that you get out of the machine.”

“Hmmm, we might have some severe weather toward the middle of the week, oh what fun. We’ll see though, but the national weather service has been putting out statements since yesterday about it. It’ll probably be nothing, though.”

Had Seneweb radio on this morning for my mom-in-law, was thinking as I was getting ready to go out the door”they played two Thione Seck songs in a row? Why they gotta do that when I’m ’bout to walk outta the door?” However it did make my day.

I tell ya, I marvel that Imam Zaid was able to get rid of his jazz collection so quickly, ’cause I tell ya, Allah alone knows best if I can ever give up music entirely. I know I can cut back at times, but completely give it up? I can’t say now that I can. Listening to a song and singing along to it are two things that I’ve always found to be very cathardic and therapeutic for me. One memory I have is taking my Walkman and going into the living room or some other place, and listening to the radio, and being able to bury the awful pain I was in. How my ex-husband had either just hit me, or wouldn’t talk to me, or would be talking to presumably another woman in the other room. I remember how he’d tell me, this man who hardly if ever prayed or otherwise acted in any way like a Muslim, how “un-Islamic” it was for me to spy on him and be suspicious of him. Huh? This man was doing this right in front of me, even going so far as blowing kisses to someone over the phone. And sometimes he’d turn the TV up really loud, and I’d hear him talking softly on the other side of the room! Now, how can you be accused of being suspicious and spying on someone when they’re darn near cheating on you right in front of your face? I’m sorry, that ain’t suspicion, that’s just not being stupid, that’s not being naive, that’s just plain knowing that something was going on.

The thing is, I desperately tried to make excuses for him, tried to explain away what was right in front of my face. But then the girl would call the house, I’d answer the phone and the girl would stutter and stammer and say “uh, uh, is “M” there?” I’d say no, who is calling “Oh, this is “M”, uh, uh, could you, uh, uh, tell him to call me back when he gets in?” Sometimes she’d call three, four and five times a day. And I never confronted her, I was too afraid. I mean, I guess I could have, but then he’d probably have beat the crap out of me for doing it.

The thing is, I’m not sure what was worse, the mental abuse, physical abuse, or being cheated on right in front of your face, then being told how much of a bad Muslim *you* were, for actually having the audacity to call him on his behavior.

OK, so “why do you continue to talk about this?” I’ve been asked this many times, especially now that I’m remarried. Well, because I don’t ever want to forget. I don’t ever want to forget the place I was in at that time. And I don’t want to ever take my current, wonderful, awesome husband I have now for granted. When I think of how caring, kind, considerate, loving and gentle he is, I’m so overwhelmed with gratitude to Allah, that He brought me out of the terrible place I was in, and I get emotional, even to the point of tears, because you couldn’t have told me in 2004, when I was sitting in the emergency room, almost in tears, while the doctor looked at my ears, while the police took pictures of my bruises, how they said they couldn’t arrest my husband because I’d waited almost a week before calling the police. How I was counseled by the hospital staff not to go back to him, no matter how much I thought I loved him, I remember one of the nurses, when she told me I needed to leave, when I said “but …” she stopped me right there and said “but you love him, I know you do sweetie but if you go back, he will beat you again, and we don’t want to see you here again, in worse shape than you are now, you’re a very beautiful person, and I don’t want to see you back here again”. I remember as they pulled my clothes up to take pictures of the bruises on my legs, how I was almost crying and the woman there gently explaining that they were taking pictures of the bruises and not my body. I remember one of my coworkers coming to get me and taking me to his house. He took the day that he’d taken off for his birthday to take me back to my parents. I’ll be forever grateful to him for that. I wish I knew what happened to him.

But if you would have told me in 2004 that in 2009 I’d have moved to Florida, would be re-married, and would have another job, I would probably have not believed you. I still talk about this because I don’t want to ever forget the awful place I was in. And I’m telling you, it was truly an awful place. I was depressed, borderline suicidal, was in so much pain I just wanted it to stop. I was so low that I even thought that God thought I was an awful a person as my ex-husband said I was. I was almost sure that I’d be damned to Hell because I’d not been a good wife, that I’d not been the best Muslim, that God hated me. That perhaps there truly was something wrong with me, to have ended up in such an awful situation. But there was always a little, if sometimes faint, voice in the back of my head, that told me I was not hated, that I wasn’t all of the awful things that my ex-husband said I was, that I was smart, intelligent, that I was loved, that there was a man out there who loved me, who would marry me, and who would not feel the need to beat me, no matter how moody, incorrigible, or “a bad wife” I became. I remember toward the end of the time I was with him, a little voice in my head saying “if you leave and get out, than Allah will give you the strength and ability to do the rest.” I had the image in my head of me crawling out of a deep, dark, hole, that I was clawing my way up the side of the hole, sometimes I’d slip and slide back down, but ever so slowly, I kept making progress, and soon enough, I began to see the sun shining from above. As I got closer to the top of the hole, I could even start to feel the sun on my head and face. And sure enough, I made it to the top of the hole and was able to step out onto solid ground and to stand up right and walk again. I talk about this so I’ll never forget, so I won’t get complacent.

If I wasn’t married and hadn’t truly moved on, a part of me kinda wishes I could just see my ex-husband one more time, so I could tell him how wrong he was about me, how I did everything he told me I’d never do, without him. I’ve remarried, I’ve had two jobs since I left him, I’ve got my own house. I want to tell him that no matter how many women he had behind my back (and no matter how much he says he didn’t there’s not a doubt in my mind that he did), no matter how much he cussed me out, told me how much of an awful person I was, no matter how many times he hit me, that he never broke my spirit, that I came out on the other side better and stronger for it. A part of me wants to throw it in his face. But is that wrong? Should I not forgive him? Should I just forget about the whole thing and “move on” as they say? Is this normal? Why do I keep coming back to this?

Do you know that things that I’d not recalled for years will all of a sudden come rushing back, usually in quiet mometns, when I’m about to fall asleep, or if I happen to be sitting by myself somewhere. And a part of me feels guilty about this. I mean, why am I even thinking about him, and all of this, when I’ve re-married and for all practical purposes moved on?

OK, so, my whole point was, that listening to the radio, listening to music, and singing along, that really helped me get through all of that. Although that was just one of many things that helped me. A lot of praying, dua, dhikr, and the support of friends and family sure helped as well. That and a lot of sleep! I can’t tell you how much I slept the first few months I was back at my parents house.

Wow… I meant this to be kind of a light-hearted post and it turned into this lol. Well, I’m not going to change it.

When I told my current husband some of what my ex-husband had done, my husband said “it wasn’t just that he didn’t love you, he didn’t like you either”. Pretty obvious, yet profound statement, that still has me pondering to this day. “he didn’t like me”, yet he chose to marry me, I’m fairly sure to secure residency, which, Alhamdulillah, I’m happy to report, he didn’t get from me! But I knew he didn’t love me, for reasons that are too intimate to go into here. But suffice it to say, what I was to him, or how he felt for me, I don’t think I’ll ever know the truth of. Why he stayed with me, when he could have easily left and gone somewhere else, I’ll just never know.

I look at myself now, and who I was back then, and a part of me doesn’t recognize myself, I was such a different person, it’s startling sometimes when I think about it.

Allah has truly blessed me, I really have nothing to complain about.

Anyway, so I’m sitting here, the Wather Channel is on in the background. I’m typing away at this keyboard. I’m trying to decide if there’s anything I want or need to do before going to bed. And I can’t really think of anything. Perhaps play a couple games, maybe read a bit. Maybe watch some TV.

Or maybe I’ll just go and lay down and listen to the Radio Classics channel on XM. Which maybe I shouldn’t listen to before going to sleep, or at least have on while sleeping. Because I’ve had the weirdest dreams with that thing on. I really enjoy classic radio, I could listen for hours, and often do, on a weekend morning, when I don’t have to go to work, I’ll just lay there and listen to it, before getting up and starting my day.

Maybe that’s what I’ll do. But I’m tired of listening to the news, and hearing about minarets, or I guess I should say the lack thereof, in Switzerland, or Tiger Woods, or health-care reform, or politics, or anything else right now! Except that the Colts are still undefeated and the Indiana Pacers are actually doing better than I thought they would. Right now, I pretty much only care about football, basketball, and old time radio, and of course it goes without saying that I care about my Islam, my relationship with Allah, and everything related to that. I just don’t want to watch too much of the news right now.

Why I Blog

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about why it is that I blog. And I think that it’s mostly because I like to write, and I enjoy getting the feedback whenever it comes. But I’ve been going through my blog archives and I’m truly horrified at some of my posts! And comparing posts from years past with my current writing seems to indicate to me anyway that I’ve really not progressed much, and I’m beginning to wonder if my blogging is hindering my progress. I want my blog to be a place of positivity, to share things with people and to get feedback from the things that I share. I want my blog to kinda be a two-way conversation, where I say something to the affect of “hey did you see this, what did you think”, or “hey I had a really crappy day today”, and then get feedback.

I just don’t feel like my blog is a place where people want to be, and that bothers me. If my blog were a house, I’d envision it as a place of doom and gloom, where everyone is angry, upset, grouchy and generally not fun to be around. And yeah, I occasionally want to vent, but I don’t want this blog to be one big rant box. As I’ve mentioned before, I’d like to blog about the beautiful day we’re having here, or the adventure Chloe and I had, or something like that.

But the truth is, much of the time, I’m not at that place right now, at least not in my head. I don’t think I’m depressed or angry or anything, it’s just that I’m still pondering and reflecting over things in my mind, things that I’ve already blogged about many times already, and I just feel like I keep going over and over the same things over and over again, and much of those things are things that leave me feeling irritated, are things I don’t have closure to, and/or are things I’ve just not resolved in my head. And generally, when I’m like this, I tend to want to talk or write or blog about the same things over and over again, it’s just my way of dealing with something until I can sufficiently resolve it enough in my own mind to stop thinking / pondering over it and just put it to rest.

I’m not thinking of taking my blog down entirely or making it completely private, but I am considering making the bulk of my posts private until I can get out of this funk I’m in. I’ve tried the “taking my blog down”/”making my blog private” stuff before, and perhaps I like whatever small limelight or attention I do get too much, because that never seems to last too long and then my blog is back up. And that need for attention/recognition bothers me too. But I truly feel that perhaps instead of my blog drawing people here it’s pushing people away. And that bothers me.

I’m worried that I’m blogging for the attention, I’m blogging to be noticed, and I’ve often thought that I’m not sure that I want my issues and idiosyncrosies in plain view for the whole world to see/comment on. And every time I blog about something that upsets me, angers me, or even makes me happy, that’s what I may, even if inadvertently, be doing.

I post the below comment, regarding my latest reaction to Umar Lee’s recent blog post as an illustration and an example.

I think you let something personal get in the way of what you posted;

I didn’t even get through the first sentence, before I just stopped reading the comment altogether, because I didn’t want to hear/read the comment because I perceived it at the time as being negative/in disagreement with what I’d written. I wanted to tell them they’re wrong, that I don’t have anything personal against Umar Lee, except for the fact that I don’t agree with the methodology of Islam he follows, etc. However I knew I shouldn’t have even blogged about this in the first place. I knew it when I wrote the post, yet and still, I wrote it anyway. And let’s not even talk of continuing to read his blog, that’s another issue, although a related one, entirely.

I don’t know the history between you and Umar Lee or even if there is a history, although I get the impression there is.

I want to say that there’s not though my archived blog posts might suggest otherwise. If anyone, including this commentor, cared to look. Though as I said, it’s nothing “personal” for me anyway, though it might seem as much to an outside observer, and as they say perception is reality in many cases, and I just don’t have the energy to try and explain once again, where I’m coming from at this point. Because I thought I’d already explained it before.

Lee addressed a point many Muslims are talking about in the wake of what happened at Ft.Hood; I don’t think he was doing that to get at or make points against other Muslims who happen to disagree with him.

I really wish I’d not have ignored this comment when I first saw it, that I’d not have figuratively covered my ears and said “la la la la la”, because I really beg to disagree with this statement, because many of Umar’s posts have been directly at scholars/organizations that he has philosophical and other issues with. And the issue of Muslims in the military was just another opportunity for him to beat the same drum he’s always been beating. However, not only that, I shouldn’t have even blogged about this in the first place. Or at least, I should have made it a private post, if I felt so compelled to write about it, because instead of highlighting Umar’s issues, it highlighted my own, to which the commentor referred to above.

Muslims have served in the US military honorably almost 100% of the time about that there is no question, so if your point is they can you are correct and I agree wholeheartedly, but today’s US military has become an instrument of occupation and oppression of indigenous populations and not a protector of defender of the US, US interests, US citizens or the US constitution. No one should serve in the military under those circumstances, Muslim, Christian, other.

This comment really wasn’t as bad as the first sentence led me to believe. The fact that I didn’t finish reading it, as I’m thinking about it, speaks volumes about myself. Because I don’t think I blog so much because I want feedback or any kind of constructive criticism, but I blog because I want to write, to get things off my chest, and I blog publicly, because, truthfully speaking, I’d like to see how many people agree with me. Or are thinking the same things I’m thinking. I don’t like criticism too much, I tend to take it waaay too personally. And I think I know why, because when I’m criticized, I’m back at the blind school as a child, being criticized by that one houseparent, and not only being made to feel that that one quality of me may need work, but that none of me is good, that the whole of me is bad.

The thing is, that while what I’m blogging about today might seem cool and good and enlightened and all of that, I may read it a year or two from now and be truly horrified, like I was today in re-reading some of my past posts. And the fact is, I’m not sure what I’m going to do. I’m not sure if WordPress has a default blog setting, where individual posts can be set to a default privacy/security level as can be done on Livejournal. Because that’s what I’d like to do, until I can evaluate said posts and decide if they can be made public or if I should keep them private. Perhaps the best I can do at this point is just save the posts as drafts. Though I like putting them as private because then I can view them as blog posts within my blog, and I don’t have to go into the Drafts folder to find them.

The thing is, as much as I like the recognition my blog has gotten lately via other blogs and via BrassCrescent, I am slowly once again, coming to the realization that I’m not sure that blogging is contributing positively to either my own spiritual development, or the image of myself that I’d like to project online. But at this point, I’m thinking of my own spiritual development, and what Allah would want me to do, more than what kind of “image” I’m projecting to others. The fact that I’ll have to answer for everything I’ve written publicly on here I’m finding truly mortifying and frightening.

And while I know I have the right to do what I want with this blog, I don’t want to seem like I’m waffling or throwing another temper tantrum, having a private blog one minute and a public one the next. I want to make a clear and well-thought-out decision and do my best to stick to it. And the best course of action at this point is to keep my posts private, for the most part, but keeping the blog public, and only making posts public when some time has passed after writing the post, such that I can decide, after some reflection, whether or not it’s something that should even be put out for public consumption.

Bad Mood

I woke up in a bad mood, probably because one of the first things I heard this morning was that the Swiss had actually voted to ban minarets. But I hate it when I wake up in a bad mood. But also, it’s Sunday, which means that my long weekend is fast coming to an end. And it’s back to work tomorrow. And I didn’t sleep well. And I’m not feeling well.

I don’t like it when I get like this. I feel lazy, I don’t want to do anything, though I know I gotta clean the house today. I just want quiet. I want to do absolutely nothing. I want to watch football or basketball or both, to play on the computer, to just enjoy my last day of free time before it’s back to work tomorrow. I’m wondering to myself why I didn’t clean on Thursday, why I waited until Sunday to do it, when I knew very well that I wouldn’t want to do it then anyway? I coulda cleaned on Thursday and gotten it over with.

I do have a propensity for laziness, for procrastination, that I don’t like. Maybe I’ll feel better once I eat something. Maybe I’ll feel better once I’ve had a shower and re-braided my hair. It’s supposed to be in the 70’s today, maybe I’ll get outside and then I’ll feel better then.

Reacting to the Swiss Ban on Minarets

As I’ve not really been following this issue, I think I have more questions than answers. First question is why? What is banning minarets going to do? What is the goal? To force the Muslims already there out? To keep more Muslims from coming into the country? Because from my vantage point, which I realize isn’t a good one, it just makes the Swiss look really racist, bigoted, and close-minded, and I’ll just leave it there for now.

I’m just perplexed, but I know I shouldn’t be. I mean, what is the point? What does banning a minaret have to do with immigration, extremism, etc.? Well, as a Muslim, I won’t ever be going to Switzerland, I can tell you that. And if America did something like this, I’d probably have to start really questioning whether I wanted to stay here. Because it’s banning head scarves first, then minarets, why not just ban the religion of Islam altogether and ban Muslims from coming into the country and get it over with? But I guess minarets represent people’s ignorance and fear of the unknown, and they represent their already preconceived prejudices, and they feel like banning minarets will keep them safe at night or something, and they can use the excuse/reasoning that “we don’t dislike Muslims they are fine but minarets represent extremism or terrorism” or something. Congratulations Swiss for making yourselves look like a bunch of stupid racist people. At least to me here in America.

And I was really hoping they’d not do this, but somehow knowing they probably would. And I just feel angry and indignant, but ignorance, prejudice and racism usually has that affect on me anyway. And I kinda want to laugh, like banning a minaret is going to actually protect you from anything. Or make things better for you. All it’s going to do is make you look really ignorant and stupid. It’d all be really humorous, I feel the urge to laugh now as I’m typing this actually, if it wasn’t also so scary. What will they ban next? What measures will they take against the Muslims next? And which countries will be next to do this?

I’ll definitely remember this the next time anyone wants to tell me how open-minded Europe is. Well, perhaps if you’re talking about some countries where smoking pot and homosexuality and assisted suicide is legalized, but as far as Islam and Muslims are concerned, I don’t think I want to live in Europe. Islam and Muslims are definitely topics that the Europeans seem to be very close-minded on.

Trying out NVDA

Greetings, all, am currently trying out NVDA, a free Windows Screen-reader. I have to say that in the latest version, that I’m quite impressed. I’m not sure if I’d completely switch to it, but for a free screen reader, it does a pretty good job.

Now the Braille support has a bit to be desired, because none of the navigation and panning buttons work on the display itself, which makes things a bit difficult, but at least they have Braille support.

Anyway, will keep everyone posted as I learn this thing. Now I’m off to eat a sandwich that my husband just brought me.

Outside My Bedroom Window

Heard outside of my bedroom window. Interesting.

My Weekend So Far

Well, not doing much this weekend. Eating leftovers, watching sports and currently some documentary on the Weather Channel. It was cold this morning, I finally gave in and turned on my heat for a bit, though everyone else kept saying they were not cold. I was though. I was curled up in a ball, with my blanket pulled all the way around me, even over my head, and I still felt cold.

I only had my heat on for a while, though, just enough to take the chill out of the house, and considering it’s like 60 degrees now, I turned it off again. After I finish my food, I think I might take a shower, take Chloe out and let her rom around the house for a while. Per step daughter’s request. And I’m sure that Chloe wouldn’t mind it either, though right now she’s laying on her blanket I think taking a nap.

And yeah, I know this is pretty mundane blogging, but I’m tired of only blogging about things I’m unhappy about, or angry about, or things that I’m ranting about. I’d like for things to be more positive around here, even if all I’m blogging about is the beautiful day we’re having or the food I’m eating, or how Chloe greets me with a wiggle of her body and a wag of her tail.

It just bothers me that here lately it seems the only time it seems that I can sit down to write a post is when something or someone is bothering me. When I’m angry about something. When I have to get something off my chest. When I’m having a good day, or something positive happens, it doesn’t seem to be quiet as easy to muster up a blog post. And I’m finding myself wondering why that is.

Because it’s easy to say that I’m a positive person, yet if all I do is come and blog about a post I didn’t like, or an article that made me angry, or an issue that has me upset, I can talk all I want about how positive I am, but my blog posts are projecting a different picture.

And I’m not saying I can’t rant occasionally, but aside from my music posts, I feel that I really need some balance around here. Even if it’s just a neat quoatation I saw, or blogging about the beautiful day, or something cute or sweet that Chloe did, etc. I just feel that I need to do a better job of projecting the whole person that I am, and not just the angry, brooding, complaining type that seems to appear all too frequently on this blog as of late.

From the National Weather Service/Weather Underground

Special Weather Statement
Statement as of 1:34 PM EST on November 27, 2009

… Cold temperatures likely Saturday morning…

mainly clear skies and light winds will allow for rapid cooling
after sunset this evening. High temperatures today will only be
in the 60s… and temperatures will fall to near 40 north and 50
south by midnight. By morning… temperatures should bottom out
near freezing for the normally colder areas of the Nature
Coast… and in the mid 30s for the coldest areas of our central
and southern zones. Lee County may escape the 30s this time with
lows mainly in the 40s.

Patchy frost is one concern during the overnight hours. The ground
is still warm… so most likely the frost will be confined to the
rooftops of houses and cars. North of Tampa Bay… we may see
temperatures drop to near freezing before sunrise. These areas
could see frost on the ground and damage to tender vegetation is
likely where frost does occur.

Residents should cover or move indoors any cold sensitive plants
by this evening. Pets in Florida are not accustomed to the cold
and should be brought indoors for the night.

Fire Weather Watch
Statement as of 4:38 am EST on November 27, 2009

… Red flag warning remains in effect from 11 am this morning to
6 PM EST this evening…
… Fire Weather Watch remains in effect from Saturday morning
through Saturday afternoon…

A red flag warning remains in effect from 11 am this morning to
6 PM EST this evening. A Fire Weather Watch remains in effect
from Saturday morning through Saturday afternoon.

Dry air will continue to move into the region on northerly winds.
This will result in 4 or more hours of relative humidity below
35 percent late this morning through the late afternoon. Winds of 10
to 15 mph will accompany the arrival of this dry air mass and will
contribute to the critical fire weather conditions. Very similar
conditions will exist again on Saturday in the same areas with
lighter northerly winds.

Precautionary/preparedness actions…

A red flag warning is issued when very favorable conditions for
the spread of wildfire are occurring now… or will occur within
24 hours.

Please advise the appropriate officials or fire crews in the
field.

Ugh…

Well, not feeling very well this morning. Was awakened at about 2:45 AM by enormous bass from a car stereo, it was just a huge rumble, and at first it scared me out of my sleep it was so bad. It took me a few seconds to figure out what was going on. Then, I got up to use the bathroom, and I’m not sure if I jumped up too fast, or if it was being scared out of my sleep or what, but I started sweating (which was odd considering that it’s a bit chilly here this morning and the heat is not on in our house), and my stomach started feeling a bit nauseous. So I went and sat at the computer a bit to give my stomach time to calm down. Briefly looked at email, approved a blog comment, determined that my tummy had calmed down enough for me to be able to go back to bed, went and laid back down, told Chloe to go back to bed, who by this time was kinda sitting by the bed, probably wondering what the heck I was doing up at such an odd hour. Checked alarm to make sure it was set at the right time to wake hubby up for Fajr, and listened to whatever old-time radio show was on on XM Radio before drifting back to sleep.

Now I’m up again to take Chloe out, after waking my husband up. And the long and short of it is, I think I’ll stay home from the Eid Salat this morning. I’m sure my tummy’ll be fine, it’s just that I don’t like to go out in public with any kind of tummy trouble. It’s something I said I’d never do after throwing up in front of my entire fifth grade class once, which is a fear I still have, i.e., being sick in front of people. And I don’t want to be standing in the prayer line and start feeling ill, or be sitting at a table eating something, or otherwise in some area that I’m unfamiliar with, and all of a sudden feel the need to go to the bathroom, yet not knowing how to get there or having no one around to ask.

And that did kinda happen to me once. I’d gone to a sister’s house and spent the night with her and her family before Eid salat, and woke up not feeling well, and went to the Eid prayer anyway. I wasn’t feeling well, but took some food that was given to me, which I knew was a mistake anyway, but I did it so the person offering me the food wouldn’t feel bad, and all they had to drink was Mountain Dew, and maybe it was that that made me feel ill, but I asked the sister to take me to the bathroom, and although I didn’t get sick, I was so embarrassed about it. I think she and her son left early because of me, and when we got home, I slept for a couple hours, and she was nice and all, and I’m sure she wasn’t upset with me, but I still felt bad, because I felt like I was inconveniencing other people.

And although I’m sure I’ll be fine today, I didn’t sleep well, and a lot of times that makes me feel bad in and of itself. Put me in a crowd of people, most of whom I don’t know, when I already don’t feel that well to begin with, and that just makes things worse. So I think I’ll just stay home and rest.

Eid mubarak all. I’m sure I’ll be fine, I just need to sleep.

Uh Oh!

Greetings, all, I caught the last few minutes of the new V series on Tuesday night… The last thing I saw was that guy’s fiancee saying “I’m not tired ’cause of my meds, I’m tired because I’m pregnant” or something like that, and I was like “uh-oh”. He’s been trying to hide his past/who he really is from this lady, and, uh, well, now she’s about to find out lol. I think he’s one of the “V’s” that has been living among humans. Though he must have really fooled this girl good, because they’ve been living and uh sleeping together and though I think she seems to know something’s up, she can’t quite put her finger on it, though at one point she seems to think it’s antoher woman.

Now, I have to say that I’ve only caught sporadic bits of the past two episodes. So perhaps there’s something I’ve missed. And I’m still not sure if I’m going to keep following the show. But I gotta see how this pregnancy turns out lol so I guess I just contradicted myself, guess I’ll keep following the show after all. I actually think that’s what kept my attention on the original series. Wanting to know what the “alien baby” would look like lol.

As always, DVS/audio descriptions descriptions provided by my loyal readers would be most appreciated.

Eidul Adha Mubarak

Assalamu alaikum, a kinda early Eid Mubarak to all! May everyone have a safe, blessed, and joyous Eid! As always, keep me in your thoughts and duas. I love all of you for the sake of Allah. May Allah give us the best in this world and the best in the Hereafter and may He keep us on the straight path and guide us to the way that is best. Ameen.

Happy Thanksgiving for Those Who are Celebrating

Wanted to put up a separate happy Thanksgiving post. Try not to eat too much guys! And also, please keep me in your thoughts and prayers! And Inshallah, even the most in need of us enjoys this day and at least gets something to eat. I thought of that as I was interviewing my clients at work yesterday.

Yaum Al Arafah, Thanksgiving, and Eidul-Adha

Greetings and assalamu alaikum all.

Today is yaum-al-arafah today, rest of the house is fasting, I, however, am not able to fast today. So we’ll be delaying our traditional Thanksgiving meal until Iftar time.

Tomorrow is Eidul Adha, trying to decide if I’m going to go to the masjid for Eid prayers, yeah, I know it’s recommended, but, I’m afraid of being the only woman who can’t go into the prayer area, and who has to sit in the common area. I’m sure I won’t be, but maybe all of the other women who couldn’t pray stayed home too, and I was theonly one who dared to come out for the Eid, even though it is a Sunnah, even for, uh, women in my condition!

And why does that bother me!? When I can’t fast, I don’t hide that fact! Though something about going to the masjid, and, seemingly and figuratively, in front of everyone say, by not going into the prayer area, that “hey, I can’t pray, and I’m sure you know why!” as loudly as I can! I’m not sure why that is botheirng me, while say, not fasting at work is no problem. Probably because no one asks me at work why I’m not fasting. Whereas at the masjid I’m sure to get the “Sister, are you going to pray?” Question, and then I have to say, as softly and inconspicuously as possible, “uh, I can’t pray today, I just wanted to come to hear the talk, and/or to be with other Muslims”.

And all of this is funny, because I had this discussion with my husband, he was saying that if I cna’t pray, I couldn’t go to the masjid, and I was saying, but no, it’s a Sunnah to go for th eEid prayers, even if, well, you’re not able to pray. Alhamdulillah, that the shaykh who came during Ramadan to do the Tarawih prayers mentioned this very thing and encouraged the brothers to bring their families, even the women, and even if the women couldn’t pray, that they could sit in the common/reception area, where they serve the food for the Iftar. So yeah, I know it’s an encouraged Sunnah to attend the Eid prayer, but now that I’ve been “vindicated” lol, though I feel bad saying that because I can feel my ego kinda swelling a bit, now I’m not sure I wanna go.

How do other sisters in this situation deal with this kinda thing? Do you just not go or do you stay at home? Or are there enough Muslim sisters coming to the masjid in your same situation that it really doesn’t matter anyway? And why does it matter to me this year of all years?

Forecast and Weather Conditions for Winter Haven, Florida

From Weather Underground’s Braille Page:

Forecast as of 4:10 am EST on November 23, 2009
Today
Cloudy with scattered showers and slight chance of thunderstorms. Highs in the lower 80s. South winds around 5 mph shifting to the north in the afternoon.
Chance of rain 50 percent.
Tonight
Cloudy with a 20 percent chance of showers. Lows in the mid 60s. Northeast winds around 5 mph.
Tuesday
Mostly cloudy with a 30 percent chance of showers. Highs in the lower 80s. Northeast winds around 5 mph.
Tuesday Night
Mostly cloudy with a 30 percent chance of showers. Lows in the mid 60s. Northeast winds around 5 mph.
Wednesday
Mostly cloudy with a 50 percent chance of showers. Highs around 80. East winds 5 to 10 mph.
Wednesday Night
Mostly cloudy with a 40 percent chance of showers. Lows in the lower 60s.
Thanksgiving Day
Partly sunny with a 30 percent chance of showers. Highs in the upper 70s.
Thursday Night
Partly cloudy in the evening then clearing. Lows in the mid 50s.
Friday through Sunday
Mostly clear. Highs in the lower 70s. Lows in the upper 40s.

table with 2 columns and 20 rows
Updated: 6:53 AM EST on November 23, 2009
Observed at Winter Haven, Florida  
Temperature
68°F  
Humidity
100% 
Dew Point
68°F  
Wind
WSW at 4 mph  
Pressure
30.06 in (Rising)  
Conditions
Fog 
Visibility
0.2 miles  
Clouds  
Yesterday’s Maximum
81°F  
Yesterday’s Minimum
68°F  
Normal high
77°F  
Normal low
57°F  
Record high
88°F (1973)  
Record low
37°F (1956)  
Sunrise
06:55 AM (EST) 
Sunset
05:31 PM (EST) 
Moon Rise
12:05 PM (EST) 
Moon Set
11:32 PM (EST) 
Moon Phase
Waxing Crescent
Waxing Crescent

Be Careful Guys!

From Weather Underground:

Special Weather Statement
Statement as of 6:19 am EST on November 23, 2009

… Areas of dense fog will affect the Nature Coast and Tampa Bay area
until 900 am EST…

Areas of dense fog will affect the mentioned areas with significant
impacts to driving conditions along major interstates and highways.
Reports from around the area have indicated visibilities dropping
below half a mile over large areas with localized visibilities at
a quarter mile or less range.

The fog will reduce visibility to near zero in some areas. Motorists
should slow down… especially along Interstate 4… 75 and 275. Use
low beam headlights… or find an alternative Route. In
addition… motorists should be prepared for rapidly changing
visibility within the fog bank.

It’s Monda…

… And I didn’t sleep well. Had one of those nights where I kept waking up, though I keep reminding myself that at least I can work from home today.

But I’m just dragging today, and kinda have this cough thing / a bit of throat irritation going on.

Think I’ll relax/watch the news or Weather Channel or something until time to start work. Because I don’t think I want to try to go back to sleep. Then I feel worse than I did when I initially woke up.

Didn’t watch the American Music Awards last night. Which shows you just how far I’ve come, used to be a time I’d not miss it. Now, I just don’t care.

Spent the night having a discussion on what a marmoset was with my husband, and browsing Twitter via my cell phone.

Listened to ESPN radio talk about football, and it sure doesn’t hurt that the Colts are now 10 and 0 *yay!*.

And other than that, nothing much to say I don’t think. At this point anyway. I’m kinda in short week/holiday mode anyway, so hopefully that will make the day go faster.

A Really Good Day

Assalamu alaikum, I had a really good day! I went outside with Chloe this afternoon, after listening to the Colts game (they’re 10 and 0 by the way *yay*!) My husband grilled some chicken and made some rice and vegetables to go with it. So I played with Chloe a bit, ate dinner outside where I could enjoy the warm weather and nice breeze. Then I came back inside to pray Maghrib as it had gotten dark outside and I guess we still have mosquitoes because I think they were starting to come out.

I get to work from home this week, and it will be a short week as I have Thursday and Friday off for Thanksgiving. This works out well for the upcoming Eidul Adha holiday. Though with all of the turkey and other food for Thanksgiving, coupled with the lamb and whatever other food we have for the Eid itself, I feel quite gluttonous and that bothers me! I feel the need that if we can’t invite anyone we know over for some food, that I feel like just going out and grabbing some random person off the street and inviting them in for something to eat. Now obviously, I’d not actually do this. But I’ve told my husband that he should invite someone he knows over for some food. I’ve even thought of just calling people and saying “hey wanna come to Florida for a visit?” Although pretty much everyone I know, as far as I know, has their own plans too, and will probably have plenty of food to eat themselves, or Inshallah they will anyway.

So I’m looking forward to this week, because even though I have to work Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, it almost feels like a vacation as I don’t have to go into the office. And my step-daughter is here for the week too! So I’m sure that all kinds of fun and frivolity will insue, especially with a Golden Lab in tow. I just have a feeling that it’s going to be a really good week, Inshalah it is one.