Been A Long Time…

Assalamu alaikum, I was standing in my room, and from my window I heard someone bumpin’ Luciano coming down the street! I was quite surprised, although I’m not sure why I was, as in my neighborhood there are many Jamaicans, so hearing reggae and dancehall music, as well as other forms of Caribbean music, is not that uncommon. It’s sure better than the crass hip hop I hear most of the time, and I think that’s why it caught my attention.

That and the album/song they were listening to was an album I’d not heard in forever. The Album is called “Where there is Life”. The song I heard was “Just Like The Wind”. Some other good songs are “Lord Give Me Strength”, “He”, and a couple others. Someone made a remix of “Who Could It Be”, I heard it on a Dakar radio station when I was sitting on the bus, as we were trying to decide what to do, upon realizing that our flight back to the US was delayed.

I remember trying to process my last 5 and a half weeks of experience in Senegal and The Gambia, and I had a mixture of feelings, from wanting to see my family again, to not wanting to leave there. And I knew I had been totally changed by the experience, and just trying to process that left me feeling mentally and perhaps physically exhausted at times.

In the song “Mama Africa” by Akon, the verse that continually recurs in my head, to the point of darn near being an earworm is the phrase “visit once you’re guaranteed to visit twice”, or something like that. And for me that is the truth. That one song along with his more obscure, more positive gems (and not the mainstream commercial stuff), almost makes me want to forget that he ever made a crass song about women, and to figuratively give him a hug and say “thank you for saying what I was thinking”. Many African-Americans have a deep love and reverence for the African continent, and I can understand it, because, well, I’ll stop here, I feel a need to keep some of my feelings back, I don’t want to say “but I love Africa too”, because I don’t want my feelings or motives to be suspect. And it’s hard to put my feelings into words anyway. I’m just not sure how to explain feeling such a strong connection to a place, that supposedly I have no ancestral connection too. Or, some would say, have any right to feel any connection to or love for. I mean, I’m white, “your people enslaved our people, you have no right to be here”. That’s a pretty hurtful statement, but you know, I can’t blame anyone for saying that.

Anyway, that Luciano album, along with some of his other songs, brongs back a lot of memories for me. The song “Bandits” from his “Great Controversy” album always reminded me of both 9/11 (since I heard it around that time) and President Yahya Jammeh (’cause well he’s a “bandit”, for those who might not know the song). The reframe to the song that I always remember is “I realize this world is full of bandits”, etc.

I have always liked Luciano’s music, aside from the overt references to his Rastafarian beliefs, which of course as a Muslim I don’t subscribe to, I find his music to be very uplifting, powerful, positive, and inspirational, and as a Muslim, there is a lot I can draw from, especially as it relates to the right and wrong in this world, the powerful and the oppressed, and the calls to always live righteously and faithfully and to serve God always.

Hmmm…

Assalamu alaikum, I had my XM radio today on Disney Channel Radio (I thought it would be something my stepdaughter could listen to), However, it occurs to me that Disney Channel Radio is just “safe” pop music for kids. It’s like an “introduction” to pop music, until the kids get older and can listen to “the real thing”.

When I first put it on there, they were premiering a new CD by Raven-Symone (remember her from the Cosby Show). Well, I guess she had a few? Disney shows, and a few albums too, and now she’s got a new one. I’m not sure if her new CD is supposed to be kid-oriented or not, and I’m not sure the exact age group that Radio Disney is trying to target, but I just didn’t feel comfortable having a 5 year old listening to that, not that it was vulgar or anything, however, well, perhaps I’m old-fashioned or something, but I just didn’t think my stepdaughter was ready for themes such as love, heartbreak, dancin’ at the club, etc.

Luckily, she didn’t spend time in there listening, she ran off to do something else, and it was just me in there, trying to do something with my hair and too busy to turn the channel. Chrisitan radio really has something going with “family friendly radio”, etc., I’m obviously not a Christian, but Christian music has gotten really “good-sounding”, it doesn’t sound cheaply produced like it used to. And sometimes the themes are not overtly Christian. So you can listen to music, if you like to, and you don’t get all this “bling bling, I got more cars than you, I got more money than you, I got more women than you, I can make it rain, I’m in love with a stripper, I’m in love iwt hte gartender, and if you ain’t down, if you don’t got all these things, than you just a soft a** busta”. Or if it’s not that its “the whole world is awful, I don’t know what to do, I hate myself, I’m nothing” ,etc., etc., just to represent the “alternative rock” scene, and that is if I can understand the lyrics. I’m putting out a call for some good nasheeds and where to get them please? And perhaps some Muslim hiphop? Something I can listen to without feeling guilty and like a hypocrite.

I can definitely see the blessing in not having kids of my own, being a parent is really tough these days! I really don’t know if I can do it! I say I’d not want my kids to watch too much, if any, TV, but how tempted would I be to just throw them in front of the TV with Noggin, just so I can have a bit of time to myself? Would I want to take them on walks, read to them, and try to find things to do for them other than watch TV? I know one thing, I don’t think I could work and take care of kids at them same time, I’d either have to be a full-time parent, or work. I think if I did have hcildren of my own, I just wouldn’t work! I’d have enough work being a parent.

I just don’t have enough will power and motivation sometimes, and have more of a procrastinatory tendency than I’d like to admit. And I don’t have too much self-discipline either. I mean, I still feel (and probably act) like a kid myself sometimes.

More Musings…

Assalamu alaikum, I like how the elipses looks in Braille, it just looks like, well, a series of three dots, more particularly, a series of “dot 3’s” of the 6-dot Braille cell. But anyway, I’m tempted to get snarky and say “it’s a blind thang you just wouldn’t understand”, but I won’t. Because if I do, some teacher or VR counsellor or just someone who knows Braille, and who’s not necessarily blind, will comment on my blog and I’ll feel really stupid and be forced to put my foot in my mouth.

Umar Lee has two really good posts up on his blog Mashallah, this one and this one. Regarding the post about Obama, Daily Kos also has an article where a guy in Kentucky (I wanna say go figure but I’m trying really hard to stifle the snarkiness), all but says that he’s not going to vote for Obama “’cause we don’t want them thar African-Americans as President, ’cause ya know what happened during the ’60s don’t you”?

I tell ya, if you could give white people, well, some of us anyway, some truth serum and ask them to actually be honest for once about their feelings on race and minorities, how many would want to go back to the “good old days” of Jim Crow or slavery?

I think that’s why many white people have a problem with Reverend Wright, because God forbid anyone tries to mess with their image of America as being good and true and proud and brave and all of that! And that America can do nothing wrong. Heck, I got into an awful shouting match with someone over Iraq once, he flat out told me I knew nothing about human rights, that he know ’cause he’d been in the military, that all the stuff I’d read online was all lies and that I shouldn’t believe everything I’d read online.

He also said to me that we should just go over their and “nuke all the Muslims and just start fresh ’cause they all wanna kill us anyway”. And he said the only reason I was against the Iraq war was because it was Muslims we’d be attacking, and he kept going on about how I was an “American first and not a ____ (insert last name here) first and a Muslim second. As if my loyalties were being questioned or something. Now I don’t know if it was him or someone else talking, but hearing him say that frightened me! I didn’t know whether or not to treat what he was saying as his actual opinion (’cause sometimes he’s said just the opposite sorts of things, that all Muslims are not terrorists, that Islam is a good religion, etc.), or if he’s just saying it to hurt me, because he wants to argue, because he’s had a bad day, or something like that.

And I’ve always gotten the feeling from my family that they’re just waiting on me to snap back to my “original self”, and “get out of this mozlem phase she’s in”. Gosh if I could be a fly on the wall sometimes…

You know, as much as I abhor racist and white supremacist groups, at least I can respect them because they’re honest, they don’t tiptoe around, they don’t pretend to be open-minded when they’re not. That I can deal with, because I’d know what I’m up against. Now all this use of code words, code phrases, and code language, all in the name of saying what you want but not letting certain people in on the secret, that bothers me! Because then peple can use these words as a mask to hide their true intentions. Alhamdulillah that Allah takes account of all things!

OK, enough musing for tonight, I’d wanted to say much more, but I’m getting sleepy. Perhaps I’ll write something more of substance later on. It’s a nice night out, I still marvel at Florida weather, that I could be sitting outside, say, in the middle of January, and not be freezing! And once you get to the middle of march, you can pretty much count on warm weather, except last week, it decided to get chilly for some reason!

But this week, we’ve had warm days and cool nights, my favorite kind of weather, highs in the lower 80s or so and lows in the upper 50s to low 60s. And sunny! The summer time it’ll be in the 90s with 70% humidity and storms! With lightning! And the loudest, bangiest thunder! I’m very afraid of lightning! And the lows would be in the upper 70s! What people did without air conditioning, I’d like to know! Sleep on verandas I suppose.

Some More Thoughts on Blindness, Race, and Bitterness…

Assalamu alaikum, just a few more thoughts on my previous post. I guess it should go without saying that I don’t think that all white people are prejudiced, nor all sighted people ignorant about the capability and competency of the disabled, etc., I mean, I don’t think it’s “willful” ignorance or prejudice, at least and until the facts are brought before people and they still continue to languish in their own denial.

Let’s talk about race firstly. Most white people are good, kind people who want the best for everyone, and the same could be said of course for all people, however, after 500 years or so of colonization and enslavement of people occupying huge chunks of the world, there is a “privilege” that has emerged out of that, a “privelege” that has emerged from ending up at the top of the heap. I have often talked about how “I don’t understand color and thus don’t understand what the big deal is”, etc., etc., on this blog and in my offline dealings with people. I admittedly like to say this because it allows me to sit here and talk about how my lack of knowledge and understanding of color has made me a more open-minded person, and in my own mind “not like most white people”. I have had moments where in the back of my mind, I’d thought that this deserved some sort of commendation of me from people of color kind of like a “oh look at her, she’s white and not like most white people, isn’t that wonderful?”

However, when I think of that, when I think of the idea that I should somehow be commended for “not being like most white people”, I feel horrified, because it’s occurred to me that my “white privilege” has allowed me to “not be able to understand what color is”. If I were black, or brown, or, well, a person of color, I’d know all too well “what this color thing means”, and especially so if I were a black man. Because some white policeman would be all to happy to “explain” it to me via a barrel of a gun or a knightstick or a tazer. I’d “understand color” even if I couldn’t see it, I’d at least have an understanding of what this “color thing means”.

But my whiteness shields me from “this color thing” and allows me to “continue to try to sort this thing out”, and I’m saddened by this. My blindness also shields me from some things. I’m almost sure if I were sighted, I’d get more problems at the airport, more people yelling anti-Muslim slurs out of their car windows at me while I’m on the street. However, as I’m blind, and that is readily apparent, my blindness trumps my “Muslimness”. And also admittedly, my whiteness trumps it too. Not that I’d do this, but the hard fact is, if I wanted to, I could throw off my hijab and modest clothes, throw on a miniskirt, run back home and go back to “the person I was before I was a Muslim”. I could do this and probably no one would be the worse for it, except well, me, for running from the truth.

So when I talk about the “oppression of Muslims” or the fear and apprehension I have as a Muslim living in the US, I say this knowing that for some my “fear and apprehension” would not be considered legitimate because I “chose” this path. I wasn’t “born” this way, it’s not like color where you can just throw it off and instantly become someone else? So, is my “fear and apprehension” OK, legitimate, does it deserve to be given more or less consideration as others’ fear and apprehension? This is what I’m wrestling with.

Let me say here unequivocally that there is no god but God, that Muhammad is His Servant and Messenger, that Islam is my religion, and that I’ll not abandon it for anything in this world! Just because times get hard, or because Islam and Muslims are being portrayed badly, or whatever! However, some would not look at it this way, they would still see it as a “choice” to be oppressed a “choice” to be treated badly, because if I didn’t “choose” to be a Muslim, then this wouldn’t happen to me.

Regarding blindness, people usually are ignorant and harbor stereotypes about what they don’t know. And as regards blindness, they try to imagine what they would do, if they were blind, they would think that they’d not be able to do things for themselves or to live independently if they were totally blind or visually impaired in some way. However, what they don’t take into account is that many blind people, whether born so or losing their vision later in life, have usually had a long time to master living in a sighted world without sight.

What I wanted to say is that there are many white people who recognize their privilege and who are struggling with that, and who are also trying to irradicate racism and prejudice both within themselves and others. And there are sighted and non-disabled people who are not only cognissant of the fact that blind and disabled people are quite capable and intelligent people, but they are also campaigning tirelessly for the rights and dignity of the disabled to live as full, equal, and independent citizens.

Regarding Obama, I support him but I don’t feel he is a “Messiah” or anything, he’s a politician first and foremost and out of the viable candidates that we have, he’s the least harmful or appears to be so, among the three, himself, McCain and Clinton. However, assuming he gets the Democratic nomination, I’m not sure if he’ll get the Presidency in November. And if Hillary gets the nomination, well, I couldn’t in good conscience vote for her, and again, she’d lose the election to McCain anyway, because she’s got so many negatives going for her.

So anyway, hopefully this clarifies some things. Time to get outside and enjoy the day!

Race, Blindness, Bitterness and Other Thoughts

Assalamu alaikum, I was reading a post on the What Tami Said blog, and it got me to thinking!

Yesterday, as I was walking out the door to go to work I caught snippets of the talking heads on MSNBC talking about why “working-class white people” won’t vote for Obama. They said stuff like “they’re upset about his comment about being bitter”. Or, “they think he’s too elitist”, etc., etc. I said to myself, out loud, as I was walking out the door, “why don’t they just come out and say that they won’t vote for Obama ’cause they won’t vote for a black candidate”.

Perhaps that’s not entirely it, perhaps some people think that Hillary is more qualified. But I also think that there’s a fairly substantial segment of the white community that just simply won’t vote for a black candidate! They just won’t do it! And although I have my moments where I question this belief, every primary we’ve had recently, tells me other wise! Now of course my theory doesn’t play out in states with a majority white population where he’s actually won, but for some reason, he can win in states with hardly any black population, and he can win in states with a substantial black population, but he can’t win in the “in-between” states, and why this is, I don’t know.

Perhaps it’s the “he’s a black candidate” perception that you have going on, in states where only a minority of the white voters are voting for him. Perhaps in states like Wyoming, etc., they don’t see him as the “black candidate”, because they don’t see the support he enjoys within the black community as much? Hey, it’s just a guess.

However, this perception of mine, that many white people won’t vote for a black candidate, lies bare my perception of and bitterness toward my fellow white people! Because let me tell you, white people in soem cases can be some of the most bitter, hateful, hypocritical people you’ve ever seen! I’ve seen it in my own family! “oh we don’t care who you date as long as he treats you well”, then proceed to say to you, in the event that you actually meet say, a black man/woman, for example, “if you marry a black guy I don’t think I can come to your wedding”.

Or, “we don’t care what religion you choose, we just want you to do what’s best for you”, and then to proceed to make anti-Muslim comments when you’re not in the room and they didn’t realize that you heard them. Yep, good old Christian white Protestant people for ya!

I wonder if these are the same kind of people that would come to an Obama rally, chant “yes we can”, and then walk away saying “I’m not voting for that *****”. “he might be a “mos-lem, and he’s got that radical preacher too, oh no! and who’s he to tell us we’re bitter!”

I’m not sure if this is something Obama can get past! And as open-minded and “liberal” as Democrats claim to be, I’d not put it past Hillary to steal the nomination by super-delegate, if she can speak “racial code” and convince them that Obama is unelectable. Hey, we’re not only dealing with Hillary Clinton, which is devious and cunning and plotting enough, but my bitter side wants to say “and she’s a white woman too”. Let me tell ya, if Allah had seen fit to make me black or brown, or soemthing other than white, I’d be a militant! But because I’m well, white, I probably have no right to say such things!

But there is a faction of the Democratic party, working with the Republican party that would stop at almost nothing to insure that Obama is not nominated for President and assuming that he gets the nomination, all they have to then do is scare enough white people with the Jeremiah Wright tapes playing over and over again, mixed in with the pictures of him dressed in traditioanl African garb, and wamo! The same white people that live in “sund-down towns” will be voting for McCain in droves!

I’m sorry, I just don’t trust white people! Heck, I don’t trust myself sometimes, I’m ever-vigilant, watching for the inner KKK member in me, that must be coded somewhere in my genetic make-up, to rare its ugly head and scream “white power”, while ripping off my hijab and locking me into a closet somewhere! Yep, I must have a racist “think I have some kinda privilege ’cause I’m white” alter-ego somewhere! Just waiting to come out! And I look for it! We’ve started having this thing happen, it happens every weekend, usually on a Saturday night, but sometimes on Fridays or even Thursdays, and it’s almost like clockwork! A group of cars come down the street, and I can hear them coming long before they get to my section of the street because they’ve got those thumping car stereos that really bother me! I don’t know if the low frequency is doing something to my inner ear or what but I feel like someone is reaching in and just twisting something, I almost feel nauseious and when you get two or three of those things going, and you get the dissonant bass going on, well, I’ve had moments where I think I’m going to throw up, it literally makes me ill!

And I’m irritated because it woke me up on a week night, or it might wake up my stepdaughter, or because I have to close the window so Chloe doesn’t get agitated, or because it’s just entirely too loud for 2 in the morning! Then inevitably, it seems someone calls the police or they just happen to show up, because I hear blaring sirens, and the cars just drive off! Now I can’t figure out if they’re just sitting there in the middle of the street or if they’re pulling into the parking lot of the gas station/convenience store across the street, but I know it’s a bunch of cars and they sound as if they’re having a car stereo contest, and I’ve come to dread it! And I wonder sometimes is this me getting old, or is this some sort of prejudice in me coming out, because most of the music is the most crass and vulgar of the hip hop music genre! Which is even worse if any children you happen to have wake up and hear that! And I don’t want to say anything because if I do I don’t want to be perceived as some close-minded bigot or something when all I want is some peace and quiet and to not feel nauseous every time someone with a thumping car stereo comes by.

Anyway, another issue that came to my mind is the anger/bitterness/bordering on prejudice I have toward sighted/nondisabled people! I’d started to comment on Tami’s post that I’d linked above but I thought it was kind of straying from her original post so thought I’d just comment on it here! As “bitter” as I can be toward the actions of some white people, I have the same sorts of bitterness and anger toward sighted/nondisabled people as well! I almost want to say, for example, that all sighted people are materialistic, only care about appearances or how someone looks, and if you’re not “normally able” in their eyes, you’re nothing and thus don’t deserve to have the same rights and privileges as they have! You don’t deserve to work (but God forbid you take any money from the government). All you’re good for is making brooms or tuning pianos or playing music (all laudable professions but that’s not the point). If you step out of that role, if you say, hey, I want to have a family, I want to raise children, I want to be a scientist, or whatever, if it’s outside of the role that the sighted world thinks you could or should be doing, then watch out! Wann have children, then you run the risk of someone calling child protective services on you because to them, a blind person couldn’t possibly take care of children!

Want to work? Then be prepared to work twice as hard to prepare for that job and then be told to your face that “you’re overqualified”, or some other excuse, knowing all the time that all they see in you is that you’re blind and that’s probably why they didn’t give you the job, though you can’t prove it.

Want to rent an apartment, then you’d better not take your dog guide with you, or they’ll conveniently have offered the place to someone else. And yeah, you might say it’s against the law, but unless you get lucky and can find a good lawyer, and one that’s not going to cost you an arm and a leg to fight the act of discrimination, it’s just easier not to fight it. You can find antoher job to interview for, or another place to rent from, and you just have to pick your battles! Out of the one successful time I was able to fight a discrimination complaint, I’ve got 5 other times where I was denied access to a restaurant, or some other public place. One time I was in the Gary bus terminal, and there was this small restaurant on the second floor of the building, and I wanted to get something to eat because I had a few hours before my bus was due to arrive, and I’d been to this restaurant before, and so I didn’t think there would be a problem!

Boy was I wrong! The owner of the restaurant told me that if I wanted anything, I could order it and they could bring it downstairs to me but that I could under no circumstances eat in that restaurant with my dog! The fact that I was being denied service, by an African American, that I could “go to the back” as it were, was not lost on me, though I didn’t say anything. The next half hour or so was spent in the security guard who was with me pleading with the guy to let me eat there, asking me if I just wanted to order my food and eat it downstairs which I didn’t want to do because I wanted to sit at a table and eat so as not to mess up my clothes by trying to eat a plate of food on my lap, as there were no tables downstairs. Or anywhere else in the building for that matter. And then proceeding to the civil rights office, where I filed a complaint, the lady apologized profusely and told me she’d get back to me, though I never heard anything about it after that day. And eventually ending up getting some Doritos and a Pepsi at the convenience store next door to the restaurant. Let me tell you, that was one of the most humiliating and embarrassing experiences of my life and I vowed that I’d never, under any circumstances, eat at that restaurant again! The owner was not only rude, but well, just totally beyond the pale, he said “I don’t care what the law says, she’s not eating here and that’s final!”

Another time I was denied service at a Giordano’s pizza place in downtown Chicago, I was met at the door by a nice guy who in a sing-songy voice told me “you’ve got a cute dog but you can’t bring him in here, OK?” So my friend and I went to the McDonald’s a few blocks away (I think it was on Randolph Street), and I vowed never ever to eat at that pizza place again, no matter how good the pizza might be. Not only was I denied service, but the man treated me like a little kid on top of it!

OK so where was I going with this? I know I had a point somewhere. Oh, yeah, that I don’t think that even if Obama gets the Democratic nomination that he can win in the general election? Why? Because many white people, if not outright racists, still think that black people can’t be President, and these are the same sorts of people that think that the blind and disabled aren’t as capable as them either, though obviously, this thinking isn’t limited to just white people. In short, there’s still a lot of ignorance and hatred out there! Hillary will exploit it to her own ends now, and you can darn sure bet that McCain and the Republicans will if Obama gets the nomination! What a way to tie it all together, huh?

And before I go, a fianl disclaimer, yeah I know that not all sighted people are ableist or all white people racist/prejudiced, but enough of them are that 80% of the blind are unemployed, 70% of the disabled population at large, and I don’t have to tell you about the police brutality, or the following around of minorities in a store, or other things, to tell you that racism still exists. I’m struggling with my bitterness OK? Sometimes I win, sometimes it does. I’m doing the best I can and I make dua that I can overcome this fault of mine because I really don’t like it. Being angry and bitter is no fun, and it’s most certainly not healthy.

And this post is subject to editing and / or removal later because I know it probably makes no sense to anyone but me.

Takin’ It Back to that Ol’ School!

Assalamu alaikum, I think that’s actually a title of a Too Kool Chris mix CD featuring old school house music. Anyway, one cool thing about having a Rhapsody subscription is that in many cases, though certainly not all, you can find all the stuff you used to listen to when you were younger.

I used to love music when I was younger, still do sometimes, though as I said, it’s really a struggle! I guess when you’re blind you relate to things that are audible in nature and not visual, obviously, though I can’t say it’s true for all blind people. Perhaps the more vision you have, or had if you lost it later in life, the more visually you relate to and interact with the world around you.

At any rate, music was my way of escape, it was my way to get away from the rest of the world. Plus, I liked to sing, and that used to make me feel happy and help me if I was having a bad day! When I was a kid, I wanted to be a singer, although my father discouraged it, he htought that I should pursue a “real career”. Heck, some of my family used to tell me that I should try out for American Idol, though, one negative remark from Simon would have had me in tears, yeah, I can be pretty sensitive.

When I was 7 years old, my parents put their old stereo in my bedroom, and I had a couple of story records for small children, and oddly enough a huge stack of 45’s which included Michael Jackson’s Billy Jean, and Marvin Gaye’s Sexual Healing, which I didn’t like anyway and I think was promptly (and mysteriously I think) taken out of my room, once the adults found out that I had it.

I think I had a Pat Binatar album in there too, and an album by the group Moving Pictures because I absolutely loved that song “What About Me”, anyone remember that?

Anyway, when I was that age, I listened to WLS in Chicago, because the FM receiver wasn’t very good on the stereo I had, and AM got better reception. And this was when WLS still played music. At that time, my tastes were mostly pop/rock oriented. I really liked Deph Leopard, Quiet Riot, Michael Jackson, Shannon, hmmm, who else, I think Madonna was starting to get popular around that time. When I was turning ten, my mom got me my first “jam box” or “ghetto blaster” or what we’d today call a “portable radio”. I seem to recall having arguments with kids at school as to what exactly was the difference between a “jam box” and a “ghetto blaster”, something about the Jam box’s controls being on the top of the unit and a ghetto blaster’s being on the front, and the ghetto blaster sounding better, or something.

Anyway, the first radio I ever had was a Panasonic, single cassette, AM/FM radio. I think that was probably the coolest radio I had and took pretty much everything my brother and I and the neighbor kids threw at it or dumped in it. One time we got sand all in the knobs, I think the last time I saw it, the front was ripped off of it, revealing the insides, and the radio at least, still worked! I think my brother had tried taking it apart to fix something and never quite put it back together.

Anyway, I loved that radio! And I wish I’d taken better care of it. It had a set of built-in stereo mics, and I enjoyed taping myself, doing skits, doing pretend radio shows, etc. It was fun! And I also had a Panasonic walkman, this was before the Panasonic portable radio, that one of my mom’s coworker’s had gotten me for my birthday. That Walkman was cool and introduced me to FM radio. My grandmother also sometimes let me listen to her stereo with my headphones. But after I got my portable radio she wouldn’t let me do this anymore.

When my mom got me my portable radio, she bought me a Commodores album, can’t remember which one it was, the one with that song Night Shift on it, but I really didn’t like that song, it was another song I liked, though can’t remember the name of it now. She also got me the USA for Africa album with the “We Are the World” on it.

I think I might have also still had the copies of the Thriller album and the Purple Rain albums on tape that another of my mom’s coworker’s had recorded for me off the LP’s.
Later, a neighbor friend of mine gave me her New Edition Cool It Now tape, because a relative of hers had gotten her one for her birthday, so she gave me the extra copy she had for mine, I think either we had the same birthdays or they were around the same time or something.

Anyway, at some point we ended up moving on base, my father got another stereo, and my parents once again put a stereo in my room. By this time, my mom reluctatnly let me take my portable radio to school, and I discovered Indianapolis radio, which I thought was cool at the time. At this point, I started drifting more toward hip hop and R&B music and later toward house and other forms of dance music as well. At some point, I mainly only listened to “urban contemporary” music, and didn’t listen to too much “top 40″ music. As I remember it, I found it boring! Pour Some Sugar on Me and Once Bitten Twice Shy just didn’t cut it for me!

Anyway, I was perusing Rhapsody and found some interesting gems that took me way back! Anyone remember Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam? Heck, I Wonder If I Take You Home sounds down right respectable don’t it? Would a song like that succeed in 2008? OK I won’t go there!

Anyway, I had both Lisa Lisa albums, With Full Force and Spanish Fly, and Janet Jackson’s Control album, Madonna’s True Blue album, Whitney Houston’s first album, and hmmm, what else? Whatever I taped off of the radio I guess. I also borrowed tapes from friends and when I got my first double cassette deck, we all just taped stuff off of each other.

I lived in Northern Indiana and if I was lucky enough, I could pick up Chicago stations and I used to literally stay up all night taping from them. I wish I’d have kept that stuff! I really miss those days! I hate to sound old but music just isn’t the same, it just isn’t! Something’s missing from it, a friend and I were talking about this the other day, and we can’t quite figure out what it is. Does every generation go through this?

Give me some late ’80s early ’90s house music, some Run DMC, some Kool Mo D, some Zapp and Roger, some Guy, the first or second album, the first Keith Sweat album, (yeah I had that album too), and what other rap artists do I remember from the radio show on Wjel? That was a high school radio station that used to play rap, because WTLC, the urban station, wouldn’t at the time. Hmmm, Public Enemy, Mantronics, Buggy Down Productions, Ice T., KRS-One, and that’s just to scratch the surface.

I also used to listen to freestyle and house music too, though many of those artists I can’t remember, although I’d know the songs instantly. They just don’t make ‘em like they used to. There are many many other artists I enjoyed, but I just named whatever popped into my head at the time. Perhaps I get into classic rock, which I learned to appreciate later on in my life, in another post.

Anyway, enough reminiscing for one day. Gotta go for now.

Blind Access Journal: Computerworld Article: Blind users still struggle with ‘maddening’ computing obstacles

Assalamu alaikum, found this article via the Blind Access Journal blog. The blog author links to the original article where, as he says, there are some disturbing comments. And if they’re anything like the comments from that Wall Street Journal article a while back, I don’t care to read them! I’m not in the mood for rampant/nauseating displays of ableism tonight.

Tags Vs. Categories

Assalamu alaikum, I need some help here. Can someone briefly explain to me the difference between Tags and Categories? Is it better to use one, or the other, or both? What is the difference between the two?

Also, I’d like a recommendation of a good, visually appealing, template. I’d also like help finding a way to get my recent comments to show up on my front page of my blog. I can’t get Jaws to do the drag-and-drop thingy. Perhaps in appreciation for someone’s help, I could assist in a free Braille lesson, or a recommendation on some access technology for themselves or a friend, or, well, something.

Thanks and jazak Allah for anyone’s help in advance.

Now, I think I’ll go to bed. Won’t talk about the Pennsylvania primary, as I said before, I’m politic-ed out. I feel the need to take Chloe and just go playing around in the backyard! I need to find some old scarves and old clothes to do it in, ’cause the dirt here is very sandy, and I don’t wanna get my nice clothes dirty!

Anyway, I’m digressing! Good night all!

Daymon Wayans Thinks Violently Attacking Black Pregnant Teens is Funny: “Abortion Man”

Assalamu alaikum, found this via the What Tami Said blog.

Now, I’ve not seen this video myself (and don’t think I want to), and I want to warn anyone who goes and looks at the video that it might be disturbing to some. And based on the description from the What About Our Daughters blog, it sounds pretty graphic and was disturbing to me. So I chose not to look at it, or, er, listen to it.

But this falls into my general theme of “society’s general decay”. We are declining fast! But I’ve already blogged on that enough so I won’t rehash.

Shaykh Muhammad Al-Ta’wil: The Special Characteristics of the Maliki Madhhab | LampPost Productions

Assalamu alaikum, Onward and Forward, to bigger and better things, Alhamdulillah.

Just when I start to get caught up in the bread and circuses again, here comes an article that seems definitely worth a read, Mashallah. Alhamdulillah for this, you don’t know how much I needed something like this right about now.

Other Things I’m Thinking About

Assalamu alaikum, just so you guys know I’m not crazy and that I’m actually thinking about other stuff….

I love old-time radio shows, most especially the drama/suspense/mystery/science fiction stuff. Don’t much like the comedy, as most of it is a bit dated and just seems, well, dull. I find the comercials also humorous/interesting. Things were, well, just so different back then.

In the same vein, I love audiobooks as well, Audible is one of my favorite sites. XM also has a channel called “Sonic Theatre” which is sorta like a newer “old-time radio”-esque channel that broadcasts books, dramas, and other programs like that.

Today was a beautiful day, I was standing outside after work waiting on my husband and just enjoying the sun and the breeze. It was like 80 or so, a perfect day for bike riding or running or walking or playing basketball or going fishing or swimming or just sitting outside.

And while on the subject of men/husbands, I just wanna say a big Alhamdulillah to the men in my life! For treating the women in their lives with dignity and respect and not how an artist or actor or anyone else tells us we should treat women (whether for real or ’cause it’s just entertainment). And Alhamdulillah to the women in my life, my mother, aunts, grandmtohers, cousins, teachers and friends, who were inspiring role models for me, who guided me.

And you know, I almost forgot about the Pennsylvania primary, that it was tomorrow (wish it’d have stayed that way, I’m all politics-ed out).

Hmmm, think that’s all for now. I have to take Chloe out, and then I think I’ll just go to bed. A rooster decided that he’d sit right outside of my bedroom window, with the window open, and crow as loud as he could! I shoulda recorded it.

Anyway, that’s all for now. Got some old radio shows to listen to.

In Case I Wasn’t Clear … But I thought I Was…

Assalamu alaikum, received the following comment in my comments today.

It seems so silly that people should be upset that he lied about being not enough of a criminal. He lied, but his apparent offense is that he did not cheat and steal ENOUGH. So I don’t think that quite puts him with the “corporate bigwigs”.
The main element of this whole story is its absurdity. It needs to be laughed off more than anything.
He will be the next Milli Vanilli Ice.

Firstly, I’m not mad that the guy didn’t actually spend 4.5 years in jail, I mean, come on! I can’t even say that I’m “mad” about it! Heck, I’m not the one that’s gotta look at myself in the mirror, or sleep at night, or well, answer to God for the fact that I’m a perpetual liar.

Perhaps comparing Akon’s lying to the “corporate bigwigs” may have been somewhat of a stretch, but both types of dishonesty illustrate how hard work, integrity, talent, good character, etc., mean nothing anymore!

Let’s try to bring a more apt comparison, as I’ve been thinking about this! Vanilla Ice pretty much gets run out of town because everyone finds out that his backstory wasn’t what we were led to believe it was. Milli Vanilli gets disgraced on live TV was it? Because they, well, lip synched to theri songs. The same with Ashley Simpson on Saturday Night live. And what happened? You never heard from these artists again, or at least, they pretty much faded into obscurity.

Now the thing is, Why should Akon be any different? You’ve got a guy who’s built his whole career on this lie! All of his albums pretty much run the same theme, and his music label is called “konvict Music” for God’s sake! If Ashley Simpson, Vanilla Ice, and Milly Vanilli get run out of town because they’ve been found to be “less than real” why shouldn’t it be any different with Akon?

Oh, because “all artists are doing it”. because “artists are like actors, they’re like characters in a movie”? Huh, now that’s a new one for me!

I think it’s one thing to keep some aspects of your life private, and I can understand a little embellishment, however, the perpetual lying about it, that is to me what the problem is. I understand that most “gangsta rappers” don’t live half of the life they claim to be living when they’re rapping”, which makes the kind of crap they’re putting out even more angering and sad! And what of the fact that some people may have found his story inspiring and may have drawn strength from that (oh but they’re a busta for “believing everything you hear”). What about that? As I said before, why couldn’t he have just taken what he really had and worked with that?

Let me try to break it down for anyone who doesn’t understand! It ain’t just about Akon! It’s about someone who felt he had to make up a criminal past in order to get my street cred, and who made that fake past the foundation of his career. And you have a society who thinks that’s cool. If Akon would have instead went to college, and went back to Senegal to be a teacher or a doctor or something like that, some in the “gangsta hip hop community” would probably say he wasn’t “real enough”, he’d not have gotten near the respect in some corners. However, he lies about running a car theft ring, likes about spending years in prison and we say “wow, how cool!”
Because ya know, actually doing some good in the world, getting down in the trenches, down in the dirt, working hard, lifting up yourself and others, the “hard way”, that ain’t glamorous!

What does appear to be “cool” and “glamorous” is being in prison, stealing, robbing, murder, going to strip clubs, having a lot of “bling bling”, having a lot of owmen, perhaps a lot of baby mams, etc. And as a fan of hip hop music, this makes me angry! I have always been angered by the various uses of the many derogatory terms describing women, and various body parts and sexual acts! In a lot of hip hop recordings, women are nothing but objects, to be used and discarded once they’ve fulfilled their usefulness. Men are, well, supposed to be violent, non-caring,
unless you’re talking about their money and possessions, and they’re not real men unless they’ve killed someone or done time in the pen. This latest “scandal” is justa symptom of a bigger problem!

As I said before, honesty, integrity, good judgment, good character, moral values, etc., in many subsets of our culture and society mean nothing anymore! Which is why people will continue to make excuses for Akon, and other artists’ behavior, calling it “an act”, saying it’s “entertainment”, etc.! Whatever. Entertainment for me is not listening to types of music that degrade me as a woman, and a human being. I’d like to know how many of these artists treat the women in their lives? How do they treat their mothers, daughters, wives, “baby mamas”, grandmothers, friends, etc.?

I just give up! I think I’ve explained myself as much as I can without seeming obsessive about the whole issue. So if you don’t get what I’m saying, you’re just never gonna get what I’m saying!

Muslimahs Speak Up! April 2008 Blog Carnival

Assalamu alaikum, wanted to make sure to link to this before I forgot. I glanced over it yesterday and Mashallah, there seem to be a lot of good posts that I plan on read through today, Inshallah.

Quran Guidance of the Day via iGoogle

Assalamu alaikum, I have this widget on my iGoogle homepage, called “quran guidance of the day”, where a verse or verses of the Quran are posted. I like to look at this because it makes me reflect. Mkaes me think… Below is today’s Quran guidance of the day.

The seven heavens and the earth, and all beings therein, declare His glory: there is not a thing but celebrates His praise; And yet ye understand not how they declare His glory! Verily He is Oft-Forbear, Most Forgiving! 017.044

I’m almost sure this is quoting from the Yusuf Ali translation, not the best I know, but it suffices for now, Inshallah.

5.2 earthquake rattles skyscrapers, nerves across Midwest – Bay News 9

Assalamu alaikum, wow! Allahu akbar!

A friend of mine who lives in Indiana told me earlier that her dog woke her up shortly before the quake hit. She said she thought the dog needed to go out but the dog just sat there by the couch where my friend had been sleeping and wouldn’t move, and then the quake happened. Then she took the dog out, and they came back in, and my friend said that she had to sit with her dog because the dog wouldn’t eat her breakfast by herself.

She said it took the dog a while to settle down and she said that she (the dog) had been acting strangely all day. You hear stories like this all the time about dogs (and other animals) warning their owners of impending disasters like earthquakes, tornadoes, and in my case, house fires.

If this fault (the New Madrid fault by the way) in the Midwest were to really get going it could, well, be really bad. And that’s to put it, well, really simply and in a very understated way.

My Braille Display Is Back!

Assalamu alaikum, I thought I’d posted a news story about the 5.4 earthquake that could be felt in many parts of the Midwest Friday morning (the epicenter of which was somewhere in Illinois). I thought I’d clicked on “publish” and then I left the room and came back and just went to some other website, only discovering that my post, well, hadn’t posted, and I was just too lazy to go back and get it.

At any rate, my Focus 40 refreshable Braille display came back yesterday from Freedom Scientific, where it was getting some much needed repairs, considering that I’d went to plug it in last week, and half of the dots, the ones on the right half of the display, were no longer showing up.

The best way I could describe it would be like if your monitor goes out, or at least part of it anyway. But my Braille display, which had needed to be sent in for service anyway, as the dots had been getting weaker anyway, was of no use to me and I had to send it in for repairs. It was kind of like a car you have, that you know needs work but you can’t afford it, or you’re too lazy to take it into the repair shop to get it fixed or tuned up. And then the car completely breaks down and you have to take it into the shop after all, and the problem is worse than the initial problem that you held off on getting fixed in the first place.

So anyway, Alhamdulillah that the Braille display is back, and the dots are so scrip! I’m just looking at them going “wow!”, which is not a good thing to do when you’re at work, looking at Braille dots and just spacing out in amazement!

Anyway, am still pondering over Akon’s well, uh, “con”, and I know there’s a more reflective/philosophical post somewhere, I just can’t get it to come out! Something along the lines of, “well, we shoulda known” or “well, I coulda told you that, somethin’ just wasn’t right about that guy”.

However, it’s easy to say “yeah I told you so” after the fact of something like this! What is sad is that we’ve got to such a state in our culture that one has to lie, and to lie about how much jail time they got (and instead of making it less than actual, it’s more!), that you have to make yourself out to be more “bad” than you really are, to get any respect, I mean, have we really sunk that low! That someone feels the need to make up a criminal past!

And this is someone who is purportedly? a Muslim? It’s one thing to be in the music business struggling and rapping or singing about those struggles. But to actively lie and/or exaggerate aspects of your past? That bothers me! And given his past shinanigans this just doesn’t surprise me! Not one bit! But we’ll see what happens, we’ll see if he becomes another Vanilla Ice (another one who faked up his past), or if he will just become more “infamous” and sell even more of his raunchy records.

This whole thing has left me feeling sad and perplexed about how far we’ve descended into, well, the depths of something that’s just lacking any kind of morals. And we dont’ care about the *real* issues. Whether it’s Akon lying about his past, or the ABC anchors of that farce of a debate they had the other night (let’s talk about Jeremiah Wright just one more time and not talk about the fact that Iraq is going nowhere fast, the economy is awful, etc., no we wanna just talk about issues that don’t affect anyone else but us ’cause we care about them), our country is just stagnating and well, things just seem different.

I mean, when you’re in your early thirties and find yourself saying how bad things have gotten, I mean, I sound like a grandma or something. Akon is just in the same camp as all the corporate bigwigs who lie, cheat and steal money from the working people and the poor, and just like the corporate bigwigs, Akon isn’t really going to suffer for this. He’ll just put out another sorry “sorry blame it on me” kinda single and people will just forget about it and fall in love with him all over again (“oh he just has such nice hooks, we just don’t care about his character I mean, what’s that got to do with his music”).

Perhaps I’m frustrated that it seems as though in this world anyway, the “good guys” never wins, it’s always the poor, the disenfranchised, the voiceless, who suffer the most. Now what that has to do with Akon lying about his past I’ve not quite sorted out, but perhaps it’s because of the men I come across in my line of work who are trying desperately to make a new start, who’d rather put their criminal past behind them, and here’s Akon making up a criminal past in order to sell more records! And I just see that as a slap in the face to these men.

Perhaps I should just leave all of this really quite trivial stuff alone and leave it with God. I mean, I know for sure there are more important things to be worrying over, more productive things I could be doing with my time.

Anyway, I’ve just been feeling a since of powerlessness, and I think it started with the hearing of that interview with the woman in the Democratic Republic of the Congo, and her horrific story. And I’m just tired. This world is just crazy, and messed up, and all of that, and it seems like it will never end and yet, it will all be gone in a blink of an eye, yet we won’t realize it until it happens.

I’m reminded of when I would see someone doing something wrong as a child, I’d say something like “she’s slamming the door” or “he’s writing on the wall” and some adult, a houseparent, teacher, or family member would say something to me like “you worry about you and I’ll deal with … ” and insert the name of the offending person here. Perhaps that’s what I should do, worry about Ginny and do the best to make sure that I’m not among those who are liars, hypocrites, and all of the characteristics I loathe, yet probably have displayed (sadly) myself a time or two.

Akon’s Con Job – April 16, 2008

Assalamu alaikum, I know I said to myself that I’d never blog about Akon again, but I just couldn’t resist this! You just can’t make these things up! What is it about all that is in the dark will come out in the light? May Allah guide him! Perhaps this will lead him to just come clean and tell the truth! For the truth shall set you free.

Freedom Scientific – PAC Mate Omni Mobile Computing for the Visually Impaired

Assalamu alaikum, I’d love, love, love to have this toy! I saw one when I was at Leader Dog and I loved it! I shoulda bought it when I had the chance! But the price tag is a bit hefty (why is that with access products for the blind?) It’s too bad they don’t have a payment plan or something.

Can Someone Explain This to Me?

Assalamu alaikum, I heard this story on the BBC World Service, perhaps last Thursday or Friday, and it’s disturbed/haunted me ever since.

The first time I heard it, I’d woke up during the night and as the radio usually is turned to the World Service, I’ll normally end up listening until I fall back to sleep. I happened to catch the part of the interview where the woman talks of being forced by the soldiers to kill her own baby. Now, I’d like for some to explain to me why, I mean, what is the goal of this? To engage in rape, murder and other acts of violence that are so appalling, most of us can barely get our minds around it?

In Darfur, it’s ethnic tentions, in Sierra leone, it was the diamonds wasn’t it? But what is it about the Democratic Republic of the Congo? I know some of this has to do with at least some of the soliders being the very onces who perpetrated the Rwandan genocide, and I guess they’re hiding in the forests because they don’t want to be caught. But why not just hide in the forests? Why continue the violence from your new place of hiding?

I guess I just never will understand murder, or rape, or torture or violence just for the sake of it. Reminds me of how my husband was trying to explain to me how many of the conflicts in West Africa, in Sierra Leone and Liberia, in particular, were started (perhaps indirectly) by Gadafi who would have training camps in Libya to train people to go back to their countries and started wars there. Ostensibly, the goal was to create puppet states that could be indirectly ruled by Gadafi, by overthrowing the regimes/Presidencies of the people who were there at the itme.

This has been explained to me more than once and I still don’t get it. OK, so you have puppet regimes and for what? What was your goal in starting wars, and hopefully by “winning the wars” then your puppets could be put into power, and then what? For control? I think that’s what the reason was, but control of what? Natural resources I guess. Maybe I’m just hopelessly naive or something because I just don’t get it!

So I guess we’ll just go on fussing about what kinda beverage Barack is drinking (and whether or not that makes him an elitist), or whether or not Beyonce and Jay-Z really got married, or talking about what happened on the latest Big Brother, or whatever’s the “in” reality show. Meantime, women and girls as young as 5 in the DRC are at risk of being raped (but I guess ’cause it ain’t the A-rabs or “Mozlems” doing it, then we don’t care).

Or, more closer to home, our health-care system’s a mess, our economy is well, awful, not to talk of all the other issues that are, well, truly important!

I’m just tired, just really, really tired! And to think I was upset because my computer wasn’t working right, or I had to wait too long on hold while trying to contact customer service for something, or any other number of inane reasons why I was frustrated, upset, worried, huffy, or whatever else. And I thought I had real problems! You wanna see/hear about problems? Just listen to this story and the woman telling it.

Who Cares if Barack Obama Drinks Orange Juice!

Assalamu alaikum, I mean, really! Who cares! When did drinking orange juice instead of coffee become the sign that you were an elitist!? Could someone explain this to me!?

I can understand (though I don’t agree with) the opinion that per haps Barack Obama should have chosen his words more carefully when describing people who’re facing hard economic times as “bitter” and thus clinging to religion or guns or whatever.

But saying he’s elitist because he asks for orange juice instead of coffee? And to think the pundits are wasting time on this!? And why is it OK for Conservatives to talk of “Middle America’s” disallusionment with Washington, but when a “Liberal” does it, when a “Liberal” says that someoen is “bitter” because the government isn’t helping him, etc., why do people get upset?
It seems that the Clinton Campaign is grasping at straws and the “mainstream” media just has nothing else to talk about, that they want to talk about, like say, the fact that John McCain thinks that Al-Qaeda is getting support from Iran, or that people in the highest reaches of our government approved of various uses of torture (even though they told us they didn’t), that the media would rather focus on Obama’s beverage preference at a diner. And Hillary might as well be campaigning for John McCain, what kinda spinning and flip-flopping is she going to do if she gets the nomination, to try to make us forget that she’s all but campaigning for McCain when she talks about how “ready” they are to be Commander-in-chief. ? Whatever… And we all thought that the Clintons were so, uh, Liberal.