Kinda Hard Not to Feel Guilty…
Posted by Ginny on May 26, 2007
Assalamu alaikum, I’d wanted to blog about this for a while, and I’m still trying to think of how I’m going to word this, because I don’t quite know how to put my thoughts in order, or at least in a way that they would be coherent or make sense.
As I’ve said before, this issue of “race” has been quite distressing for me, and my feelings on racial issues have left me feeling quite conflicted and confused.
When I read people writing about “white guilt” and “the white person feeling guilty”, and they seem to write this in a snide, sarcastic way, as if to belittle the white person for feeling guilty, I think to myself, isn’t it kinda hard *not* to feel guilty? I’m not saying whether it’s right or wrong, I’m just saying it’s hard not to fall into that! When you read about “what white people have done and continue to do”, well, for me anyway, it leaves me with a sense of sadness, and a sense of wonder as to why “white people are like this”. And then I wonder, if “some other group of people”, were “on top” as it were, how would they act? Would they be better than “us evil whites”?
What bothers me is the opinion by some that the only reason why white people are interested in African history, African-American history, or black culture is because of some sort of “guilt” that we feel. Perhaps that is true for some, but I’d say not for all. I can say for myself that when I was little and began to realize that peopel wre “different” in a cultural sense, and I’d say color/appearance sense, my first thought was that it was my job to learn about them as much as I could, so as not to end up being close-minded and prejudiced against them. Because in my opinion, the less you know about someone, the more likely you are to come up with or be receptive to being taught prejudices about that group of people.I think when I started learning about things like slavery, racism, etc., I didn’t feel guilty so much, I felt angry! The guilt sort of came along with it, but I remember wondering how people could act this way toward others! That was what I wanted to understand. I also wanted to understand how something such as the institution of slavery, the slave trade, and the subsequent system of segregation, subjugation, and violence against African-Americans affected them as a whole, as a group of people. I also wonder how this whole thing continues to affect them today.
I used to think that I “knew”. I used to think that what has happened in the past still continues to rear its ugly head today, just in a different way! I’m not sure what I think anymore!
And my thinking recently is that I don’t know if it’s “my place” to even think about this. Is it my place to be concerned with how slavery, and the, what I call, the “cultural destruction” of African-Americans, during slavery, in the fact that they lost their original African cultures from which they came, am I “allowed” to wonder how this would continue to affect a people? Or if it should even continue to affect a people?
That was where my interest in African-American history lied. I wanted to know how “a people” dealt with the sorts of things that African-Americans had to endure. And by extension, I also became interested in African culture as well. I was just trying to understand, trying to learn more. Is that wrong? My feeling was that God created all of us, and it was my duty to learn as much as I could. Becuase as the Qur’an says, “Allah created you so that you may know one another, and not dispise each other”. When I came across this verse in the Qur’an, it reminded me of when I was ten years old, and I remmeber thinking, “God put is here to live together, and thus, I should learn as much as I can, so as not to begin to hate anyone because of how God chose to create them”. But I guess coming from a white person, that sounds, well, “just like a rich white globo pansy liberal” I guess.
Does that make me “guilty”? I’d say not. Perhaps angry, perhaps perplexed, but not “guilty”. But I think I did go through a phase where I felt guilty. And to be honest, for me anyway, it was hard not to. However, I can’t be held responsibile for what my ancestors possibly did. All I can do is do my best to prevent such things while Allah chooses to keep me here in this dunya.But now that I’ve said that, does that make me some kind of “racist”? I remember when I was in The Gambia, some of the African-American students flat out asked me, and other white students who’d come along on the trip, “What are YOU doing in Africa”, as if I, and others, had no right to be there. They, and even the professor, in many cases, felt the need to make the classes about going on and on about “what the whites had odne to Africa”, even going to the extent of asking the white students things like “so how does it feel to be in the Motherland, how does it feel to hear about the things that you did to our people”, and in some cases, many of the white students were almost in tears over it. It was almost as if these classes were used as some sort of way to “get back” at white people or something, “for all of the wrong that they had done to us”. It was as if we, were the ones who’d colonized Africa, and not the people we were reading about in the textbooks.
I also remember the absolute hostility that some of the students showed toward some of the white students who’d developed friendships with some of the local people. It was like “why are you doing this? you have no right to do this, this is our home, this is our motherland, and you have no right to be here”. It was quite disconcerting and painful to be questioned like that, and be treated like you were the colonizer when you had nothing to do with it. I can say that I definitely thought about getting on a plane and going back home! But anyway, I don’t want to digress too much so onward and forward.
Also, if you are white, and especially a woman, and if you date interracially, oh you’d better believe your motives get questioned. “Oh, it’s just about the sex, because of, well, you know”. Or it is the whole “forbidden fruit” mentality. I vaguely remember a commentor on this blog flat-out saying that *everyone* who dates interracially has some sort of motive behind it! And then you also go back to the accusation of “stealing the good men” of whatever minority that you’re trying to date. Perhaps there are people who have some sort of “ulterior motives” behind what they do, whether it is dating interracially, or anything else. And I just think it’s better just to think the best of people, and leave what is none of our concern alone and let God / Allah deal with it. Because while someone may be dating someone because of some “ulterior motive”, what can you do about it? It’s not like you can physically stop them from being together, in most cases anyway. And against I’m digressing…
Anyway, to be honest, I’m just fed up with a lot of things! And I think that for me, it’s just better to shut up, at least on issues like this! I also think that I have managed to pull myself away from the “Gambian issues” discussion. Although right now, it’s easy because there just isn’t too much to discuss. But I’ve had one to many gibes in about “non-Gambians wanting to chat about Gambian issues”, never mind that I’m not the only non-Gambian that has spoken on such things (although I guess the others like me who’d discussed these things had the same opinions as the one getting in the jabs at me so I guess it was OK for those non-Gambians to say what they wanted). And to be honest, I’m just tired of it! The insults, the accusations of mental instability and drug use, the spreading of rumor and inuendo about my “abusive past”, etc., not to mention the hatemail threatening me with physical harm, have all just made me decide that it’s just not worth it!
Not to mention the fact that the last set of elections in The Gambia were deemed to be “free and fair” by the international community, and Yahya Jammeh got the majority of the vote, what is there left to do? There just doesn’t seem to be too much to fight for, no matter how much I may detest the current regime and its tactics. Perhaps people can do small things to support the people who are willing to fight and to struggle, but what can you do when it seems that the majority of the people don’t seem to think there is a problem? And who continue to vote for the status quo, even when it is detrimental to themselves?
But am I even allowed to say this? If I were a Gambian, yes, an African, yes, an African-American, maybe, but me? A white American, no, I don’t think so. Because sadly, in this world, it’s not about “speaking the truth”. Because “the truth” is that some things can’t be said by some people. So maybe the Islamic in junctions to “speak the truth even if it is against yourselves or your kin” (apologies for not having the exact wording), only applies if you are a member of the group you are speaking against.
Case in point is when TariqNelson pointed out that Barack Obama could say things that Hillary Clinton could not, and that just illustrates my point exactly! And when I saw that on Tariq’s blog, something just clicked inside my head, that many had tried to tell me, but that I’d just stubbornly not gotten! Or maybe just didn’t want to hear at the time.
And the perverbial lightbulb just went off in my head! And I’ve just decided that perhaps it was best for me to *not* comment on African issues, and racial issues as well.
Take the situation in Zimbabwe. You have some who feel that the situation there is entirely the fault of certain Western countries and the imposition of economic sanctions by them, and if I’m understanding the opinion correctly, that Robert Mugabe’s treatment of his own people is as a direct result of these sanctions, rather like “well the sanctions are hurting the Zimbabwean people and Mugabe is just driven to do this because of the evil west”. And if you try to say anything, like that Mugabe’s oppression of his own people is because of his own doing and not because of anything “the west” might be doing, well, you got told of how Mugabe is a freedom fighter and how he’s just “going after the Zimbabweans who are colaborating with the West” or something like that. And you get called a traitor, or that you’re “worshiping your Western idols” or that “you don’t really know what’s going on” or something like that.
I posed the question of how Mugabe was different than Yahya Jammeh, and well, let’s just say that didn’t go down too well. The truth is, just like The Gambia, the topic of Zimbabwe is just off limits to me!
So my question is, if one is a white person who cares about racial issues, how do we make those concerns known, without anyone being suspicious of us, or making us feel as though we’re walking on someone else’s turf?
White people get accused of burying our heads in the sand, pretending that racism doesn’t exist, but when we do say, yes it does, and we are cognissant of “things that white people have done”, etc., and we have a desire to change things, I’d say that for the most part, we are demeaned for “having white guilt” and in some ways are viewed as really not caring about the issue of race, we are only speaking out only becuase it’s the politically correct thing to do, or some feel that “we” are only doing this because it makes us feel like we’re tackling the issue, when in actuality, “we are still just racist anyway, we just don’t want to admit it”. So what do we do? How can a white person “prove themselves”, so to speak? I mean, how do we, who do actually care about and want to change certain things, how do we differentiate ourselves from the types of people that most think we already are by defult, simply becuase we are white?
It’s like if a white person has concerns about things like racism, globalization, etc., we’re labelled by some as “a bunch of rich liberal white kids”, and that is said in the most condescending of ways. Sure doesn’t make things condusive for white people to want to change doe sit? Or at least, it sure makes those of us who do not display racism or prejudice toward others just want to keep quiet and not say anything, or do anything.
And I’m just tired of the condemnation, the cynicism, both from some white people, and many blakc people as well!
The thing is, I think it’s difficult for any white person to express any feelings of anti-racism, etc., without maybe seeming fake to others? I don’t know if that is it? And I learned at a very early age that asking questions about anything having to do with race was strictly off limits because “people would get offended”. But as many people have advised me, “how do you learn if you don’t ask”? And what I want to know is, how all of this got started in the first place? How did “white people” get to be in the “privileged” position that they are in?
Should I, as a white person, be held responsible for that? This reminds me of another aspect of the discussion surrounding Zimbabwe. The idea was expressed that basically, the “evil white people” had taken over the world and were controlling it, and in the case of Zimbabwe, they wanted nothing more than to “stop Robert Mugabe from making Zimbabwe successful”. And to some, if you are against Robert Mugabe, you are against Africa itself. No matter that he’s oppressing his own people, etc. And you see many of the same people, who defend Robert Mugabe, come and speak against Yahya Jammeh, who to me is essentially doing the same thing. But I guess someoen who was once a freedom fighter can do whatever he wants to his own people, because ya know, he fought for their independence and all. And besides, it’s the West’s fault anyway. If the darn evil white West would just stop messing’ with Zimbabwe, then poor Mr. Mugabe wouldn’t have to resort to oppressing his own people! I mean, the people he’s oppressing are probably just “colaborators” anyway. (Sarcasm intended) And yet these same people will come and talk about the “evil dictatorship of Yahya Jammeh” all day long. And to me, besides Mugabe being a freedom fighter and Jammeh not being one, what is the difference in the two? They both seem to be dictators to me!? So I don’t get it. I guess if you’re an African leader who has fought for the independnece of your country, I guess you’re given free reint to do whatever you want, becuase “you’re a freedom fighter and all”. Too bad that Yahya Jammeh hadn’t fought for Gambian independence, then perhaps his “dictatorship” would have been OK, especially if the West slapped a few sanctions on him. Who knew that “being a freedom fighter” would give you a free pass to be a dictator?
Anyway, I could go on further on this thread, but I won’t. I’m digressing again, and I’m getting tired and it’s really late here. But before I go, I want to make a few things clear. Firstly, my interest and concern for all of the things that I have been heretofore concerned with have not changed, waned, or gone away completely. All sarcasm, cynicism, and other “emotional displays” aside, I still care about the same things I’ve always cared about, and that has not changed. I have just decided that I won’t be so quick to share my opinions publicly. It is just not worth the negativity which seems to be resulting from me expressing my opinion on some of the issues touched on above.
As I’ve said before, I can handle disagreement, I can handle constructive criticism, but when you get into the name calling, the cursing, the abusive language, etc., it’s just damaging to me on a spiritual level, and it’s just not worth it.
Anyway, perhaps I’ll try to expound more on this later (or not, depends on how I feel). Or I may edit this and / or try to clarify a few things, I don’t know.
As I said at the outset of this writing, I really don’t know how to put what I’m feeling into words without sounding bitter, or very much like those white people that I say I’m not. Written words are just not doing my thoughts and feelings justice. Or, perhaps I do not have the writing skills to put my thoughts and feelings into words as adequately as I’d like. I just hope I’ve done a sorta kinda OK job at trying to get across what I’m feeling.
Yusuf Smith said
As-Salaamu ‘alaikum,
The problem with Zimbabwe is that it has been an independent, Black-ruled country since 1980, and Mugabe has been the country’s only ruler since then. Any problems the country has now can be blamed largely on Mugabe and not on the country’s former White minority rulers. The issue of White colonial history (which in this case is British, not American) is just an excuse Mugabe’s fanboys use to bat off criticism. Mugabe’s supporters inside Zimbabwe don’t need excuses when dealing with their Black local opponents, because they have clubs and guns.
I don’t believe that we need answer accusations of colonialism when we criticise tin-pot dictators. Their supporters among the Black diaspora and in places like Latin America are in some cases liars and in others deluded fools: they sometimes really believe that Mugabe is standing up for Black pride or against the so-called White devil, when in fact he is just making his country poor while making his cronies rich. He has also, for example, destroyed the livelihoods of numerous Black merchants in order to provide an easier ride for people importing and selling Chinese goods, and sold (or gave) those farms he seized from the nasty White farmers to people who want to export tobacco to China. He really could not give a stuff about Black people. He uses pride and anti-colonialism as a cover.
Much the same can be said for Jammeh’s supporters who have a go at you for expressing opinions about politics there. You need to tell them that you’re not any old white woman, but a Muslimah married to a Gambian man. Your children will be of whatever stock he is, even if they speak English and have US passports. Of course, well-meaning but harmful interference by Whites (and middle-class Blacks and others) in African and other countries happens, but this does not include expecting that a leader of an ostensibly democratic country does not rig elections, intimidate opponents and assassinate journalists, to say nothing of perpetrating fraud in the name of religion and medicine. Also, tell them that you’re not the one calling people who disagree with you bastards and hoes and threatening to poke their eyes out.
muslimahlocs said
as salaamu alaikum sister,
Allah knows your intentions. do not be discouraged. having visited family in the gambia (who do not support the current administration) i know just a little bit about the issues that you raised. unfortuatnely, they are all too common on the continent. you can read a post i wrote to “his excellency” a while ago that should give an idea about how i really feel about the current political situation in the gambia: http://muslimahlocs.blogspot.com/2007/02/draft-open-letter-to-yahya.html
as for those who would tell you to butt out, shut up, take a back seat, etc. , the best advice in this regard comes from our beloved Prophet (saws) who advised the believers as follows:
“Whosoever of you sees an evil action, let him change it with his hand; and if he is not able to do so, then with his tongue; and if he is not able to do so, then with his heart – and that is the weakest of faith.” (al-Bukhari and Muslim)
with respect to the reactions of the african-americans toward their white classmates i offer the following comments:
i did a study abroad in kenya before i was muslim. the last thing that i wanted to do was to hang out with the white students. i went to africa with the intention of establishing personal realtionships with other africans. my roomate was a white female from my school. she had no interest in getting to know any of the afican-americans, kenyans, nigerians, ethiopians, somalis or rastafarians that we met. she came for the safari experience. we shared pictures when we got back to the states and it was as if we were in two separate and distinct parts of the world even though we shared the same bathroom every day and night.
i think that the african-americans in your group would have responded to any and every white person in the same manner that they did to your and your group. their response was probably not even about you or your group but was directed at you because you and your group were there and were easy targets. they were probably filled with a lot of misdirected rage. insha Allah, they have matured. make du’a for them.
Ishmael said
Ginny, this peice your wrote is absolutely wonderful. It really touched me and inspired me. Not too long ago I had a thought. I was like hummm, ok, Blacks do face a lot of racism. That is well documented. They face it systematically, institutionally, culturally, etc etc…
But then I had a thought, I was like but how does it feel to be White? (cause I’m Black). I mean, how does it feel to be White in a culture of White Supremacy. I’m a sociology 4th year university student specializing in anti-racism literature. And most literature, of course, if they are not focusing on how non-whites face racism, they are talking about how whites profit of racism, you may have heard of ‘white privelege.’ I have never come across how Whites may also be victimized by racism. And i’m not just talking hate groups, but mainly psychologically and spiritually. Like how you clearly demonstrated.
As a spiritual being, i personally believe we chose our own lessons to learn during this life. And I believe that Whites, especially those who genuinley want to challenge Wihte supremacy and really want to learn about different racial groups, ethnicities etc, face much internal struggles.
Ginny, you’re message is very powerful and you should write a book on this. It is very important to get this message out like you did it, in a manner that shows that you’re not doing this out of bitterness, but showing how you really feel about this issue.
For our class we have to do a research proposal, and we have to choose a social group that is experiencing inequality. I decided to be the black sheep and devils advocate and radiacally be different. My claim is that hey, wait a minute, Whites also are victims of White supremacy. Though it is in a different way, under no circumstance should we belittle how they feel about it or think it is not important because they are white… know what i mean?
Hey man keep up, i will post my essay for you.. and please keep in touch with me. I really want to get to understand your absolute sincere thoughts about this issue. I would like to give you my email in privacy! let me know how i can do such.
Peace,
Ish
Ishmael said
In critical race theory and anti-racism pedagogy, race is generally discussed as an ideological belief that has been given a tangible characteristic. When people of different racial identity groups share a common space, for instance, their behavior towards those of different skin tone is not due to the actual skin color, but to the meaning, connotations, and beliefs associated to these colors. White supremacist societies do not despise me of my blackness; my natural God given skin color, but it disrespects me because of the constructed knowledge it associates to my color. For my essay proposal, I aim at tapping in to the psyche of whites to understand how race related ideologies shape restricts and limits their lives.
Numerous of research demonstrates how racism affects its victims psychosomatically, spiritually, and materialistically. Often, these victims are non-white and inhabit North American, South American, and European territories. Whilst Blacks are definitely overburdened by issues of race, I am very interested in how White Supremacy victimizes, unwillingly, Whites as well. This latter group has historically felt much less maltreatment and violence in regards to race relations. Whites are born within an historical, political, and social context that mechanically assigns them an advantage above others. Acknowledging this, I also, personally, sense that underneath the Whiteness numerous psychological wounds reside, especially for the generations alive today.
This topic, to me even, is mystifying, for it is an untouched territory in anti-racism pedagogy. Currently, I have not come across research that focuses on how Whites are also victimized by White Supremacy. While there are numerous articles on how Blacks are shaped psychologically, spiritually, and physically by racism, not much, if at all, within academia contemplates on the issue of how Whites are also psychologically, spiritually, and physically affected by the same xenophobic society that gives them an upper hand in comparisons to others.
I believe that White privilege comes with its own set of miserable psychological consequences for Whites. If, from a structural-functionalist perspective, society is analogous to a human body and its well-being is dependent on the smooth functioning of each organ, then the inability for the arm, for instance, to carry out its tasks distresses the whole system. Consequently, the burden non-whites face, as a group, is disabling the system to function smoothly. Racial inequality and injustice will always cause significant strife within a nation. My interest is on how Whites, though facing less social hardships, nevertheless are affected by their privilege.
For instance, discourses of racism often leave Whites in temporary positions of guilt, blame and culpability. I have come to understand that many feel responsible to clean the mess left by ancestors and current White extremist, many are burdened by being labeled as an oppressor or a racist because of past and current systematic racism, many have to really prove that they are not racist or do not have a hidden agenda when they show concern about race matters, and many feel obliged to be politically correct and very vigilant of what they publicly say about matters of race in fear of being signaled out as a racist. It is very common to hear Whites state, “I am not racist, but…” or point out the skin color of a Black friend in a conversation and then quickly say “not that it matters, but…” as if to reaffirm their color blindness. Such statement shows how there is ongoing internal struggle for Whites to unreservedly genuinely talk about race related issues. Sometimes, Whites also physically feel the brunt of White Supremacy when “wiggers” (white people who try to act like niggers or Black) or those who are in interracial relationships are excessively questioned, beaten, ignored, or socially condemned for breaching social norms. Clearly there is some struggle for Whites who stand against racism, and it is this struggle that I would like to be the focus of my research essay.
I would like to investigate the affects of White Supremacy on White individuals who are struggling, alongside non-whites, to dismantle White Supremacy. Besides the Holocaust, Whites are traditionally not thought of as a social group that experience racial inequality. While such is evident, I nevertheless believe that a significant portion of White people are also limited and constrained in their journey to “deracialize” their minds and become freedom fighters. While society bestows material privileges on Whites, it does not give them the opportunity to challenge it. In contrary, there seems to be a barrier to their liberation. If those of us, non-whites, especially Blacks, who face racism, as it is commonly understood, do not allow Whites to genuinely partake in our anti-racist cause and express themselves, then we should not be surprised to face color-blind policies and defensive Whites.