Ginny’s Thoughts & Things

Assalamu alaikum, Umar Lee responded to my post regarding “keeping quiet”, so I wanted to respond back, in a better way than I felt I could do in the comments area of his blog. So here goes…

“Muslim or non-Muslim if you are white you will always be looked at as a racist by most African-Americans and a lot of other people of color”

Umar, I do think you are right about this. And while us “white people” can get upset about this, most likely, 9 times out of 10, most people of color would be well within their rights to suspect most white people of harboring some sort of prejudice toward them. Sadly, I just think it’s ingrained somehow in “white culture” or “whiteness” or some sort of “white privilege” or “white superiority” or something. I don’t know if this grew out of Europe’s feeling of superiority toward other people/continents or not, and thus, was transported over to America during its colonization or not. However, this is the sad fact. I’ll say that I feel that most white people are prejudiced in some way, though not all are what you’d call a raving white power racist either. And to find a white person who has not been “tainted” shall we say, is few and far between. I think, though, that you have many white people who recognize this prejudicial quality within themselves, and Inshallah, are striving to rid themselves of it. I think sometimes, we are prejudiced though we don’t realize it, and it happens without us realizing it. Though we all know the overt cases of learned prejudice, etc., and the fact that many people *are* prejudiced, and you find people who either don’t want to admit it, as it is currently not politically correct to do so, (well unless it’s against Muslims anyway), or you have the white supremacist groups/people who don’t care what is “politically correct”. I’m reminded that at one time, the KKK had something like millions of members? though not sure of the exact number, I think this was in the 1930’s, and that kind of “hatred” just doesn’t disappear! I don’t think.

“and this can be extended to Muslims from places such as Gambia or Bangladesh or whatever. If you are working in any advocacy group for any of these countries you are
there to cheerlead and assist them, not to be a dissenting or critical voice (and if you are you will be reminded you are a white devil whose job it is
to fell guilty and support whatever they have to say no matter how illogical).”

Umar, I also think you make a good point about this as well. And throw in “colonialism/colonizer” in the mix, you get called that too! Even though you didn’t colonize anyone, at least to your knowledge, though “your people” may have. And you are right, your job is to “agree” with the dominant opinion, even if some of that group hold your same opinion. And even if the descenting opinions within that group get criticized, they still have more of a “right” to hold differing opinions than the “dominant one”, because they are still a member of that particular group. For example, if you are talking about Gambian politics, when the opposition coalition, which was formed before the last Presidential election, broke up, you had those who criticized the largest opposition party for breaking up/leaving the coalition, and this “criticism” tended to be the majority opinion on the lists that I was on, though perhaps many people who were in favor of the split just didn’t speak up. At any rate, those who were in favor of the split, including myself, were labelled all sorts of things, i.e., power-hungry, tribalist, selfish, not having the Gambian people’s best interests at heart, and in the case of myself, colonizer, etc., got thrown in their too. However, organizations which were set up to assist in fund-raising and otherwise assist in the effort to “restore democracy in The Gambia”, had no problem taking money, aid, or other forms of assistance from interested non-Gambians. We just had to be careful either to have the “right opinion”, or to be quiet and just not say anything at all, if our opinions differed from the “vocal” dominant opinion. Now, I’ll say that every time I say this, every time I’ve mentioned this publicly, inevitably, I’ll have some Gambians right me or speak to me privately and say something along the lines of “you’re saying everything I want to say, but I can’t or won’t say it, because I don’t want them to criticize or bad mouth me, thank you for speaking up, you’re courageous”, etc., or if it’s not that, it’s “I really do agree with you, but I don’t have time to respond to these people”. And when I tell them that I will no longer comment on these issues, that I think it’s better for me, on so many levels, to no longer speak out, I’m told not to let anyone stop me, to keep talking, that I do indeed have a right to speak up, that, based on my steadfast “support and love of Gambians” that I’ve shown in the past, I’ve “earned my right to speak”.

Well, personally, I do not believe this! Firstly, I don’t want to speak for people who seem, for whatever reason, to not want to speak for themselves! And secondly, I just plain feel it’s not my place to do so! Because the negative reactions, the name-calling, the hatemail, etc., are all I need to tell me that it’s not my place, the few people who quietly tell me otherwise notwithstanding. I feel like just because *you* don’t want to speak up, doesn’t mean that I should be pushed to the front to do so, to take the “slings and arrows”, as it were, that you don’t want to take. And even if it was deemed “my place”, the negativity is just toxic to me! You also have a third group of people, who, rather than engage in endless debates and arguments on online fora, have decided to work quietly behind-the-scenes to try to affect some sort of change. Some people in this group would fall into the second group I’ve described above, encouraging me to “keep speaking out”, yet others, while acknowledging that my opinions may indeed be valid, that “it is not worth wasting your time on these people”. And while they are telling you this, they are saying things like “I know these people, I know how they are”, etc., etc. And while I feel validated by people who come and say “yeah, you’re right”, etc., or something along those lines, the fact that “they know these people”, and they have personal insights into the people, topics, discussions, etc., that you, as a non-Gambian, could never have, being that you’re not a member of that group, further demonstrates to me, that I really should just shut up, ’cause I just don’t have any idea what I’m talking about anyway. Yusuf made a comment on the related post to this topic, and the message that I got from it was that being married to a Gambian somehow gave me a right to involvement / discussion in these issues. And I just don’t know how true that is! I can talk to my husband about these issues, and he knows where I’m coming from, and I could possibly share my opinion with a few others, but not on a public forum, at least not anymore.

“Your job is to be the white mascot and it helps if you have money to donate to the cause.”

Absolutely, see my comments above regarding this. For many Gambians, non-Gambians (and this actually extends to *any* non-Gambian, including African-Americans), can give money, we can make T-shirts, bumper stickers, we can put together fund-raising events, but just don’t be too vocal about what you think, or at least, as I said above, don’t have the *wrong* opinion.

“It is difficult to see how anyone can maintain any self-respect while playing this role”

I’d also agree with you here as well. It makes me anyway, feel used. Why should I give my money / aid / support to a cause where I’m not allowed to participate fully? But sure, my money, time, resources, etc., are sure put to use? It always made me angry that my money was sure taken in a hurry, but every time I’d open my mouth, it seemed the same people who’d taken my money last week, last month, or last year, were the first ones to jump up and chastize me for “chatting about Gambian issues”, as one commentor put it. Yes, it is hard to play this role, and I refuse to play it any longer!

” and I think it is a losing battle to ever try and
convince non-whites, especially blacks, you are not racist,”

Yes, you are probably right here, too, though I’d say that it would depend on how well you “know” the people you are trying to “convince”. I think if you really know someone, and they see you, your actions, what you say about others, etc., you don’t have to “convince” them of anything. They *know* that you are not racist. However, if you just start talking to someone you don’t know that well, then yes, you’re going to have a hard time convincing them that you’re not racist/prejudiced in some way.

” and I am not going to sit around and patronize some group of morons out of some sense of white
guilt.”

I’d agree with you here as well, although speaking for myself, my interest in Gambian issues, which seems to be the topic here, came about as something altogether different than “white guilt”. However, I can see how others would get that impression, and I don’t think I can do anything, nor do I think I *should* do anything to change that. My problem is thta I try to hard to pelase everyone! It bothers me when people are angry with or upset with me! And this is just something that I need to work on. You’re not going to please everyone all of the time, and at any rate, the goal should be pleasing Allah, trying to be a good Muslim, trying to do right by others, and I want to say speaking out / trying to do something about injustice where I see it. But as noted above, you’ve got to be careful agint htis!

As the Presidential and Parliamentary elections are over, and it seems that the majority of Gambians are happy with Yahya Jammeh and the APRC party, as a non-Gambian, there isn’t much more I can do regaridng this. Why am I to tell the seeming majority of Gambians who voted for this guy that they are wrong? Yes, personally, I feel this guy is wrong. The use of Islam to “mystify himself”, his supposed “ability” to cure HIV/AIDS, asthma, and supposedly other diseases, among many other things, as a Muslim, and just an ordinary person, is sickening to me! However, there is *nothing* that I can do about it! And now that the elections are over, if I keep “speaking out”, then it would look as though “I’m telling Gambians what to do”. It has come to a point that I, as a non-Gambian, really can’t do anymore! Becuase then it would look as though I was imposing my will on someone else, and especially so being that I’m white.

 
Regarding “white guilt”, I think that we, as white people, need to strike a balance between recognizing racism, prejudice, and white previlege, where it exists, and work to change those things, yet at the same time temper that “white guilt”, which makes us make fools of ourselves, in trying to do anything other than “be white”, either by “trying to be something else”, or whatever. Allah made you who you are and denying your “whiteness”, Americanness” or whatever, would be denying Allah, in some way, because He willed who you would be, where you’d be born, etc. I don’t think this world was ever meant to be easy, no matter who you are, so you just need to make the best of it, try to be the best Muslim you can be, and strive to please Allah, as on the Day of Judgment, that is the only thing that will matter.

Assalamu alaikum, a few more reasons to keep quiet.

Firstly, a lot of times when I say / write something, it comes across as sarcastic or snarky, at least I think it does anyway, and it doesn’t really do what I want to try to convey what I want to get across.

Secondly, as I was thinking about my earlier post dealing with “white guilt”, etc., I started thinking of how when something is said, it may sound different and carry a different message, depending on who is talking.

Using the Hillary Clinton/Barack Obama example again, if Barack talks about “the black community and its ills”, he might be said to be “speaking the truth” or “keeping it real”, or something else along those lines.

However, Hillary might be seen as meddling in someone else’s affairs, or even as having some sort of prejudice, or that she is “stereotyping black people”. Because she is white and an “outsider” she does not have a right, by our standards, to comment on issues affecting the black community.

I am not going to go into whether this is right or wrong, or anything like that, but this is how it is. If you are an “outsider” of whatever particular group you’re talking about, in most cases, it seems, you’re not allowed to point out that groups flaws.

Take Muslims for example. We, amongst ourselves, may be allowed to discuss problems within our community, etc., however, if non-Muslims discuss the same problems and issues, we, as Muslims feel like we are being hounded, threatened, chastized. We might accuse the non-Muslims talking about these things as being “anti-Muslim”, even if the problems they are highlighting do indeed exist. Another reaction is to just downplay whatever it is we are discussing, as if to say, “oh it’s not as bad as *they* say it is”.

When I think of The Gambia and my involvement in Gambian issues, I think that my experience is much the same way. Things were OK, as long as I agreed with the majority of the people on the list. Because if I said something, and someone came out at me and attacked me for my opinion, usually, someone else would defend me as being “smart”, “articulate”, “intelligent”, etc. It was only when my opinions began to diverge from what the majority of people on the list felt, that the attacks began. All of a sudden, I was “mentally unstable”, “using drugs or on something”, or that I was being brainwashed, along iwth many other epithets and accusations. And of course, my “non-Gambianness” was brought up as well. It seemed that as long as my opinion “agreed” with that of the majority of the people I was talking to, that at least for that particular group of people, I was “allowed” to speak on issues that, under normal circumstances, I’d not have been able to speak on. Of course, having said all of this, being a member of a particular group does not make you immune to criticism and attack either. If you don’t agree with the dominant opinion, or if your opinion seems to agree with what the “outsider” is saying, you’re labelled as a sell-out, that you are “self-hating”, or, in the case of some Gambian issues like politics, etc., you’re labelled a “tribalist”. The basic gist is that you’re OK as long as you tow the line of whatever respective groups you belong to. If you don’t, you’re subject to attack, scorn and ridicule, and if you’re a member of the “in-group”, and you want to hold unpopular opinions, you’d better have a thick skin to withstand the attacks. And if you’re a member of the “out-group”, you’d better just not speak at all. Unless it is something benign, not controversial, or something that you are “deemed to have authority/permission to speak on”.

The rules basically are that if you are sighted, for example, you must be careful what you say about blind people. If you are not a Muslim, you must be careful what you say about Muslims, lest you come across as anti-Muslim. If you are white, you’d better be careful what you say about anyone non-white, lest you come across as racist, or something.

Maybe that is not right, maybe all of us should be allowed to call things as we see them, but sadly, in today’s world, that is just not the way it is. Because if you’re an “outsider” of whatever group you’re talking about, your opinions and thoughts about certain aspects of that particular group just sound and come across differently, than if you’re a member of that group.

The question becomes, what do you do, if you are interested in a particular issue, that does not involve your particular group? For myself, the best thing that I can come up with is to just be publicly silent, for the most part, and only share any opinions I might have with people who I trust and who will take them for what they are. People who know that I mean well, know that I’m not racist, prejudiced, or whatever “label” that others who don’t know me and what I’m about choose to put on me. I think the best thing that I can do is show my support quietly and behind the scenes, as it were.

For example, I can still continue to discuss Gambian issues, just not publicly onthe existing forums which are out there as of now. However, I can share my thoughts with the few people who actually know me, who I can trust to share my thoughts and opinions with. Because the rule I described above, where what you are saying sounds differently depending on who it is coming from, has a bit of an exception here. Because if a member of a certain group knows an “outsider” well enough, knows that they mean well, knows that they harbor know ill feelings toward the particular group, then, with only these members of the “in-group” can the outsider share their thoughts and feelings. And this doesn’t matter if the member of the in-group shares a popular opinion with the in-group or not.

The trick is to know the outsider enough, on a personal level, to feel comfortable discussing things with them, and also feeling comfortable hearing their opinions. And you just can’t do this with everyone, or, in most cases, on a public forum either, unless you know the majority of people on this forum on a personal level, where you, the outsider’s, thoughts and feelings are not construed different than most outsiders thoughts, feelings, and opinions might be.

Anyway, so I think I’ve found a happy medium in all of this. And that is to share any thoughts that I have, be they controversial or not, with those I care about and I trust.

Now, as far as this blog is concerned, that is a bit different. I don’t get a lot of comments here, so as of now, I’m a bit more comfortable in sharing *some* of my thoughts on here, though I try not to get too personal. So there you go.

I really felt as though I needed to put some positivity to the discussion, because I thought my post of last night just came out cynical and ugly, and like I was being some sort of cry-baby. I guess that is what you get for writing when you are tired and it is late at night. Morning for me has always seemed to bring clarity to a situation that I’m having, or to my thoughts on a given issue.

Anyway, while I think that in American society anyway, as Umar Lee (read the comments of the linked post) says, race permeates everything, for me, it’s an abstract concept. And perhaps being white, I have the luxury of race being an abstract concept for me. I find myself wanting to attribute the “abstractness” of race to my blindness, however, I wonder if I were black, and still totally blind, would race still be an “abstract concept” for me? Would it be something that I “forget about”, in that I “forget” that people might be a particular color? Is it wrong for me to say that “I forget that someone is black” or whatever ethnic background they are? Perhaps, as I think about it, “forget” isn’t the right word, it’s more like being able to just not think about the race/ethnicity of the person that I’m talking to, because I’m not seeing it.

I really don’t know how to describe it, and I’m not sure of the percentage of totally blind people who deal with race, color, etc., in this way. Because for me, I don’t just “forget” about someone’s race or color, also I might “forget” things like eye color, hair color, body type, etc. I don’t know how to explain this, really, though I’m trying.

To me, as a blind person, what is important is touch, hearing, smell, and of course, taste but not so much. If I’m dealing with anything visual, well, that is something that I just don’t deal with well. It is as if for me sometimes, “vision” doesn’t even exist.

I guess when you live your life totally blind, your perspective and outlook on things are just different. And so with race, Islam, and other issues. Anyway, this piece is starting to ramble so I’m going to go now. Perhaps I’ll write more later, Inshallah.

Suffice it to say that regarding race, et. al, I definitely know that there is a problem, and I know that racism exists, I’m just not sure how to solve it. Because as long as some white people continue to hold racist or stereotypical views toward other groups of people, than all of us who are against these sorts of things, no matter what color we are, have an uphill battle ahead of us. And white people who are not against these sorts of things have a hard time convincing many non-whites that we are not like those racist, prejudiced, ignorant white people among us. And the problem is, one angry word said (which may not in actuality reflect the feelings of the person saying it but is said merely to hurt), one misconstrued statement, will get a well-meaning white person labelled a racist in a heart beat, whether they are or not. Because the addage goes, “if you didn’t mean it, you’d not have said it”.

This makes me think again about the whole concept of “guarding your tongue” and how important striving to do that actually is. Becuase one word, or phrase, or sentence can indeed do a lot of damage, and it’s damage that you just can’t take back.

Assalamu alaikum, I’d wanted to blog about this for a while, and I’m still trying to think of how I’m going to word this, because I don’t quite know how to put my thoughts in order, or at least in a way that they would be coherent or make sense.

As I’ve said before, this issue of “race” has been quite distressing for me, and my feelings on racial issues have left me feeling quite conflicted and confused.

When I read people writing about “white guilt” and “the white person feeling guilty”, and they seem to write this in a snide, sarcastic way, as if to belittle the white person for feeling guilty, I think to myself, isn’t it kinda hard *not* to feel guilty? I’m not saying whether it’s right or wrong, I’m just saying it’s hard not to fall into that! When you read about “what white people have done and continue to do”, well, for me anyway, it leaves me with a sense of sadness, and a sense of wonder as to why “white people are like this”. And then I wonder, if “some other group of people”, were “on top” as it were, how would they act? Would they be better than “us evil whites”?

What bothers me is the opinion by some that the only reason why white people are interested in African history, African-American history, or black culture is because of some sort of “guilt” that we feel. Perhaps that is true for some, but I’d say not for all. I can say for myself that when I was little and began to realize that peopel wre “different” in a cultural sense, and I’d say color/appearance sense, my first thought was that it was my job to learn about them as much as I could, so as not to end up being close-minded and prejudiced against them. Because in my opinion, the less you know about someone, the more likely you are to come up with or be receptive to being taught prejudices about that group of people.I think when I started learning about things like slavery, racism, etc., I didn’t feel guilty so much, I felt angry! The guilt sort of came along with it, but I remember wondering how people could act this way toward others! That was what I wanted to understand. I also wanted to understand how something such as the institution of slavery, the slave trade, and the subsequent system of segregation, subjugation, and violence against African-Americans affected them as a whole, as a group of people. I also wonder how this whole thing continues to affect them today.

I used to think that I “knew”. I used to think that what has happened in the past still continues to rear its ugly head today, just in a different way! I’m not sure what I think anymore!

And my thinking recently is that I don’t know if it’s “my place” to even think about this. Is it my place to be concerned with how slavery, and the, what I call, the “cultural destruction” of African-Americans, during slavery, in the fact that they lost their original African cultures from which they came, am I “allowed” to wonder how this would continue to affect a people? Or if it should even continue to affect a people?

That was where my interest in African-American history lied. I wanted to know how “a people” dealt with the sorts of things that African-Americans had to endure. And by extension, I also became interested in African culture as well. I was just trying to understand, trying to learn more. Is that wrong? My feeling was that God created all of us, and it was my duty to learn as much as I could. Becuase as the Qur’an says, “Allah created you so that you may know one another, and not dispise each other”. When I came across this verse in the Qur’an, it reminded me of when I was ten years old, and I remmeber thinking, “God put is here to live together, and thus, I should learn as much as I can, so as not to begin to hate anyone because of how God chose to create them”. But I guess coming from a white person, that sounds, well, “just like a rich white globo pansy liberal” I guess.

Does that make me “guilty”? I’d say not. Perhaps angry, perhaps perplexed, but not “guilty”. But I think I did go through a phase where I felt guilty. And to be honest, for me anyway, it was hard not to. However, I can’t be held responsibile for what my ancestors possibly did. All I can do is do my best to prevent such things while Allah chooses to keep me here in this dunya.But now that I’ve said that, does that make me some kind of “racist”? I remember when I was in The Gambia, some of the African-American students flat out asked me, and other white students who’d come along on the trip, “What are YOU doing in Africa”, as if I, and others, had no right to be there. They, and even the professor, in many cases, felt the need to make the classes about going on and on about “what the whites had odne to Africa”, even going to the extent of asking the white students things like “so how does it feel to be in the Motherland, how does it feel to hear about the things that you did to our people”, and in some cases, many of the white students were almost in tears over it. It was almost as if these classes were used as some sort of way to “get back” at white people or something, “for all of the wrong that they had done to us”. It was as if we, were the ones who’d colonized Africa, and not the people we were reading about in the textbooks.

I also remember the absolute hostility that some of the students showed toward some of the white students who’d developed friendships with some of the local people. It was like “why are you doing this? you have no right to do this, this is our home, this is our motherland, and you have no right to be here”. It was quite disconcerting and painful to be questioned like that, and be treated like you were the colonizer when you had nothing to do with it. I can say that I definitely thought about getting on a plane and going back home! But anyway, I don’t want to digress too much so onward and forward.

Also, if you are white, and especially a woman, and if you date interracially, oh you’d better believe your motives get questioned. “Oh, it’s just about the sex, because of, well, you know”. Or it is the whole “forbidden fruit” mentality. I vaguely remember a commentor on this blog flat-out saying that *everyone* who dates interracially has some sort of motive behind it! And then you also go back to the accusation of “stealing the good men” of whatever minority that you’re trying to date. Perhaps there are people who have some sort of “ulterior motives” behind what they do, whether it is dating interracially, or anything else. And I just think it’s better just to think the best of people, and leave what is none of our concern alone and let God / Allah deal with it. Because while someone may be dating someone because of some “ulterior motive”, what can you do about it? It’s not like you can physically stop them from being together, in most cases anyway. And against I’m digressing…

Anyway, to be honest, I’m just fed up with a lot of things! And I think that for me, it’s just better to shut up, at least on issues like this! I also think that I have managed to pull myself away from the “Gambian issues” discussion. Although right now, it’s easy because there just isn’t too much to discuss. But I’ve had one to many gibes in about “non-Gambians wanting to chat about Gambian issues”, never mind that I’m not the only non-Gambian that has spoken on such things (although I guess the others like me who’d discussed these things had the same opinions as the one getting in the jabs at me so I guess it was OK for those non-Gambians to say what they wanted). And to be honest, I’m just tired of it! The insults, the accusations of mental instability and drug use, the spreading of rumor and inuendo about my “abusive past”, etc., not to mention the hatemail threatening me with physical harm, have all just made me decide that it’s just not worth it!

Not to mention the fact that the last set of elections in The Gambia were deemed to be “free and fair” by the international community, and Yahya Jammeh got the majority of the vote, what is there left to do? There just doesn’t seem to be too much to fight for, no matter how much I may detest the current regime and its tactics. Perhaps people can do small things to support the people who are willing to fight and to struggle, but what can you do when it seems that the majority of the people don’t seem to think there is a problem? And who continue to vote for the status quo, even when it is detrimental to themselves?

But am I even allowed to say this? If I were a Gambian, yes, an African, yes, an African-American, maybe, but me? A white American, no, I don’t think so. Because sadly, in this world, it’s not about “speaking the truth”. Because “the truth” is that some things can’t be said by some people. So maybe the Islamic in junctions to “speak the truth even if it is against yourselves or your kin” (apologies for not having the exact wording), only applies if you are a member of the group you are speaking against.

Case in point is when TariqNelson pointed out that Barack Obama could say things that Hillary Clinton could not, and that just illustrates my point exactly! And when I saw that on Tariq’s blog, something just clicked inside my head, that many had tried to tell me, but that I’d just stubbornly not gotten! Or maybe just didn’t want to hear at the time.

And the perverbial lightbulb just went off in my head! And I’ve just decided that perhaps it was best for me to *not* comment on African issues, and racial issues as well.

Take the situation in Zimbabwe. You have some who feel that the situation there is entirely the fault of certain Western countries and the imposition of economic sanctions by them, and if I’m understanding the opinion correctly, that Robert Mugabe’s treatment of his own people is as a direct result of these sanctions, rather like “well the sanctions are hurting the Zimbabwean people and Mugabe is just driven to do this because of the evil west”. And if you try to say anything, like that Mugabe’s oppression of his own people is because of his own doing and not because of anything “the west” might be doing, well, you got told of how Mugabe is a freedom fighter and how he’s just “going after the Zimbabweans who are colaborating with the West” or something like that. And you get called a traitor, or that you’re “worshiping your Western idols” or that “you don’t really know what’s going on” or something like that.

I posed the question of how Mugabe was different than Yahya Jammeh, and well, let’s just say that didn’t go down too well. The truth is, just like The Gambia, the topic of Zimbabwe is just off limits to me!

So my question is, if one is a white person who cares about racial issues, how do we make those concerns known, without anyone being suspicious of us, or making us feel as though we’re walking on someone else’s turf?

White people get accused of burying our heads in the sand, pretending that racism doesn’t exist, but when we do say, yes it does, and we are cognissant of “things that white people have done”, etc., and we have a desire to change things, I’d say that for the most part, we are demeaned for “having white guilt” and in some ways are viewed as really not caring about the issue of race, we are only speaking out only becuase it’s the politically correct thing to do, or some feel that “we” are only doing this because it makes us feel like we’re tackling the issue, when in actuality, “we are still just racist anyway, we just don’t want to admit it”. So what do we do? How can a white person “prove themselves”, so to speak? I mean, how do we, who do actually care about and want to change certain things, how do we differentiate ourselves from the types of people that most think we already are by defult, simply becuase we are white?

It’s like if a white person has concerns about things like racism, globalization, etc., we’re labelled by some as “a bunch of rich liberal white kids”, and that is said in the most condescending of ways. Sure doesn’t make things condusive for white people to want to change doe sit? Or at least, it sure makes those of us who do not display racism or prejudice toward others just want to keep quiet and not say anything, or do anything.

And I’m just tired of the condemnation, the cynicism, both from some white people, and many blakc people as well!

The thing is, I think it’s difficult for any white person to express any feelings of anti-racism, etc., without maybe seeming fake to others? I don’t know if that is it? And I learned at a very early age that asking questions about anything having to do with race was strictly off limits because “people would get offended”. But as many people have advised me, “how do you learn if you don’t ask”? And what I want to know is, how all of this got started in the first place? How did “white people” get to be in the “privileged” position that they are in?

Should I, as a white person, be held responsible for that? This reminds me of another aspect of the discussion surrounding Zimbabwe. The idea was expressed that basically, the “evil white people” had taken over the world and were controlling it, and in the case of Zimbabwe, they wanted nothing more than to “stop Robert Mugabe from making Zimbabwe successful”. And to some, if you are against Robert Mugabe, you are against Africa itself. No matter that he’s oppressing his own people, etc. And you see many of the same people, who defend Robert Mugabe, come and speak against Yahya Jammeh, who to me is essentially doing the same thing. But I guess someoen who was once a freedom fighter can do whatever he wants to his own people, because ya know, he fought for their independence and all. And besides, it’s the West’s fault anyway. If the darn evil white West would just stop messing’ with Zimbabwe, then poor Mr. Mugabe wouldn’t have to resort to oppressing his own people! I mean, the people he’s oppressing are probably just “colaborators” anyway. (Sarcasm intended) And yet these same people will come and talk about the “evil dictatorship of Yahya Jammeh” all day long. And to me, besides Mugabe being a freedom fighter and Jammeh not being one, what is the difference in the two? They both seem to be dictators to me!? So I don’t get it. I guess if you’re an African leader who has fought for the independnece of your country, I guess you’re given free reint to do whatever you want, becuase “you’re a freedom fighter and all”. Too bad that Yahya Jammeh hadn’t fought for Gambian independence, then perhaps his “dictatorship” would have been OK, especially if the West slapped a few sanctions on him. Who knew that “being a freedom fighter” would give you a free pass to be a dictator?

Anyway, I could go on further on this thread, but I won’t. I’m digressing again, and I’m getting tired and it’s really late here. But before I go, I want to make a few things clear. Firstly, my interest and concern for all of the things that I have been heretofore concerned with have not changed, waned, or gone away completely. All sarcasm, cynicism, and other “emotional displays” aside, I still care about the same things I’ve always cared about, and that has not changed. I have just decided that I won’t be so quick to share my opinions publicly. It is just not worth the negativity which seems to be resulting from me expressing my opinion on some of the issues touched on above.

As I’ve said before, I can handle disagreement, I can handle constructive criticism, but when you get into the name calling, the cursing, the abusive language, etc., it’s just damaging to me on a spiritual level, and it’s just not worth it.

Anyway, perhaps I’ll try to expound more on this later (or not, depends on how I feel). Or I may edit this and / or try to clarify a few things, I don’t know.

As I said at the outset of this writing, I really don’t know how to put what I’m feeling into words without sounding bitter, or very much like those white people that I say I’m not. Written words are just not doing my thoughts and feelings justice. Or, perhaps I do not have the writing skills to put my thoughts and feelings into words as adequately as I’d like. I just hope I’ve done a sorta kinda OK job at trying to get across what I’m feeling.

Assalamu alaikum, Yep, my birthday indeed! Alhamdulillah! So I guess you could say I don’t fall in the “celebrating birthdays are haram” crowd *smile*.

Actually, I don’t believe in anything extravagant, however, I guess it goes me time to reflect on how much Allah has blessed me in the past year, and actually I have many opportunities to do that, ya know. And I’m not sure if this would sound too Dunya-esque, however, I think this is a time to give thanks for being her another year! Having another year to try to work on my faults/wrongs, another year to try to add to my good deeds and perhaps erase my bad ones, Inshallah.

Again, perhaps there are other times of the year, like say Ramadan, to reflect on things like this. But why not make the day of one’s birth another such day? Just some thoughts.

Anyway, I’d like to post some video (cell phone quality I’m sorry to say), of my nephew, he’s talking and singing *lol*, now.

Anyway, it’s nice to be home again and see my family! Anyway, take care all, I’ll try to blog more as the weekend progresses!

Assalamu alaikum, OK, I’m going to try to make this quick, as it is *really* late here, and I like need to go to bed because I have to be up for work in the morning.

Anyway, earlier this afternoon, when I went to get in the car for the ride home, what would you guess was on the radio? *sigh*, *groan*, it was Sean Hanity!

And one thing he said, that really stuck out for me was something along the lines of “the hatred of the liberal media” or “the liberals hate us”, or something like that. Now, perhaps the “Liberals” do hate “us”, whoever “us” is, that isn’t my point!

The thought that occurred to me was, “What would you think of me, Sean Hanity?” If you saw me walking down the street, if I went to one of your events or book signings, what would you think of me? Let’s just say that I shared your “Conservative values” but was still a practicing Muslim in all its respects, would you consider me an “ally” or would you wish me detained, imprisoned, or even dead?

Are Muslims, in general, OK with you? If so, what kind of “Muslim” do you think is acceptable? Would someone like me, who prays five times daily, fasts during Ramadan, and otherwise observes the five pillars of Islam, who wears hijab, etc., be considered a “fundamentalist”, a “terrorist”, etc.? Let’s say I wouldn’t be. Let’s say that you feel that as long as I, as an observant Muslim, am not hurting anyone, am going to work, am paying my taxes, am trying to have a decent life for my family and I, would you be willing to hear me out on issues we may agree on?

What I want to know, Mr. Hanity is, as much as you want to say the “Liberal Left” hates you, do you hate me, Mr. Hanity? As a Muslim, do you hate me? Would you hate me any less if I were a “secular Muslim”, if I agreed with the Rand report and its findings, etc.? And what if I didn’t?

If secularization of Christianity is bad, in your view, than why should secularization of Islam be any different? Why should “religiousness” or “piety” be tied up with violence? Just because someone is an observant Muslim, does not mean we want to hurt anyone. And I know that might be hard for you to understand when you have people telling you, and you believe that to Muslims, “religiosity” means violence! And it doesn’t help matters that everytime “terrorism” or something along those lines is mentioned, you see people praying, hear the call for prayer, or hear the recitation of the Qur’an. And your view is seemingly backed up by almost daily footage from various parts of the world.

I wish there was some way, Mr. Hanity, that I could convey to you the beauty of Islam, the happiness that I feel in being a Muslim, and that the vast majority of us do not want to hurt anyone.

However, I feel that no matter if I called your radio show, if I went to one of your book signings or various events that you might have around the country, that you would still not listen to me! You’d label me an apologist, evil, cultish, whatever. But you’d not hear me out!

Should we, may God / Allah forbid it, have another terrorist attack in this country, my fear is that you’d be the first one advocating for the wholesale subjugation, humiliation, detainment, torture, and possibly even murder of Muslims, simply because it was “Muslims” who perpetrated this act. And if not, you’d advocate surveillance and other means of “spying on”, subjugation, and other tactics of humiliation against the Muslims who live in this country.

So while you are talking about the “hatred” that you feel that the “Liberals” have for you, what about the hatred you have for others?

I am an American, Mr. Hanity, I go to work, I pay taxes, I work hard, I want the best for my family! I do my best to live my life in peace, I don’t want to hurt anyone. And my family are non-Muslims, and I don’t want something you say to make them hate me too, just as you seem to do!

BTW, this is just a “stream of consicenceness” type of thing. And I don’t want to get started on the “Muslims aren’t all mushy” trip. Yes, I know there are certain conditions when “war”, etc., is permissible! That is not my point! Besides, if you want to talk about “war”, there are clear rules for it in the Qur’an, and the Sunnah, and it doesn’t involve killing innocent people, etc., etc. All I’m saying is that, well, I was starting to go down the “Muslims are peaceful, Islam is peaceful” road, etc. But I’m getting tired, and I don’t see the point.

Perhaps it is not in the best interests of big-name radio talk show hosts to actually try to understand the people they are trying to villify, because well, then, it would defeat the whole purpose of them being on the air in the first place, and perhaps ratings, etc., might be affected. I don’t know, and right now I’m too tired to care.

I just had some thoughts I wanted to express, and if I had the time, I’d actually try to call the Sean Hanity show and ask him these questions. But I probably wouldn’t even get through, and then if I did, I’d get shouted off the air, or he’d bully me so much that I’d sound stupid and really do a bad job of representing Islam and Muslims, or I’d get so nervous about being on the air that I’d do the same thing (misrepresentation I mean), without any kind of “bullying” from Mr. Hanity.

So no, I don’t think I’ll be doing that. Perhaps someone else with a thicker skin should try it, or perhaps it is just not worth it. Perhaps his mind is already made it. And Allah indeed knows best.

Blind Access Journal: Freedom Scientific V. Serotek Case Not Just About a Trademark

Assalamu alaikum, as both a Jaws user and a user of Serotek products, I’m very disappointed in this lawsuit! What more can I say about it that other blogs (whose posts I’ll be putting up on here soon), haven’t said already?

Petition to ask Freedom Scientific to drop their lawsuit - The Desert Skies

Assalamu alaikum, nothing like a polygamy / Akon discussion to get me going!

It appears that Umar Lee is having a debate with Ali Eteraz regarding polygamy. I think the previous debate was on “feminism” or something along those lines.

At any rate, I’d commented on Umar’s blog but I was so caught up in the Akondrama, that I really didn’t think that I adequately addressed the real topic on which Umar was speaking.

Firstly, as a Muslim, I don’t disagree with the practice of polygyny (which is the term I’ll use since that is actually what we are talking about and not multiple spouses across the board), in and of itself. Allah in the Qur’an says that polygyny is OK / allowed, so I don’t feel that I as a Muslim can go against something that Allah has stated is permissible.

I think what bothers me as a woman is the “misuse” of the practice, or I should say “perceived” misuse, because the only evidence I have to support this are things that I’ve read or heard about, I don’t know of any situations up close that denote such “misuse” of the practice.

But what bothers me as a woman, is the use of polygyny purely for a man’s “lust”, shall we say. OK, I’m not saying anything about the “halalness” or “legality” of such a thing. Sure, it could be “legal”, from a fiqh standpoint, for a man to marry a younger, prettier, maybe wealthier woman, however where does good character and adab play into all of this?

I mean, the idea I get from the way some men practice polygyny is that they take additional wives because they get “tired” of the first, second, or third one, and want “something new” as it were. Nothing about taking care of widows, orphans, older women, here it’s all about a man satisfying his “lust”, etc. But while a man might have this “outlet” if his wife is not satisfying him, what does a woman have, in practical terms, if she is not “satisfied” by her husband, she just can’t get a second husband? Because while we can talk about the man “getting his”, what about the woman, if I am not mistaken, it is not just a man’s right to sexual satisifaction in a marriage, but a woman’s too. So what does she do if she is “tired” of her husband, or if he is not “satisfying” her, or if he is not being the “good husband” that he should be? Because when I think about it, the problem with polygyny is that it is viewed by many as the “cure-all” when a man is not happy with his wife. Wife not satisfying you, get another one. Wife not being the “dutiful wife”, “get a new one”. Etc., etc. Of course the use of divorce, either through threats to the wife, or by actually carrying it out, is another “cure-all” used by some men to keep their wives in line, but that’s another topic. But getting back to the original topic, if you see a pretty, young, attractive woman, marry her, but oh yeah, don’t take into consideration her deen, her character, what kind of an impact this will have on your current marriage, just marry her, because Allah knows, you’ve got “lust” to satisfy, remember? And oh, by the way, let’s compound the problem by lying to your first wife, about the second, and trying to keep the second wife a secret. Oh, yeah, adab sure seems to go out the window here. I mean, while we are all about “following the Sunnah” when we talk about polygyny, how did the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) practice it? Did he marry any women in secret? What kind of factors played into the wives he chose? Was it all about “lust” and “biology” for him?

As I’ve said before, I think that polygyny can be a good thing, I’m not against it per se. But I’m against how it is practiced by some today, and viewed by many today. You have some men who view it as an absolute right, regardless if they can even support or take care of multiple wives, and women who view other women who openly say that they are not interested in such an arrangement as somehow selfish and not “Muslimah enough” or “on the deen” enough or whatever. It is as if polygyny has been reduced to a “threat” for the woman, i.e., if you aren’t the perfect wife, then I’ll just go get me another one. And for the man it’s become all about sex.

I also think when people talk about polygyny “being a Sunnah” they seem to forget that for 25 years? the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) stayed married to *one woman* and *only one woman*, Khadijah, until her death and only then did he engage in polygyny. Where does “biology” and “lust” and “men satisfying their needs in a halal way” fall into this equation?

Just as “lust” or “sex” could play a part in a man marrying his first wife, I don’t think it should be the only determining factor, whether he’s marrying for the first time or the fourth! And while probably from a strictly fiqh perspective, a man could legally, in Islamic terms, marry for strictly “sexual” reasons, as well as marry without the first wife’s knowledge even, where does this fall when you are talking about adab, etc.?

While it is “OK” to marry a second wife without telling the first, legally speaking, is it really good adab to do so? Is it good for the marriage in the long run? What happens when the “newness” wears off of the second wife, what does a man do then? Go get another? Or, should he just use self-restraint, as he did before he even got married in the first place?

Perhaps if he doesn’t feel “satisfied”, him and his current wife could work on that? Because I don’t think it just goes back to “biology”, in trying to explain why Allah allowed this practice. Yeah, perhaps it could be biology, but seeing as how some women indeed have pretty high sex drives, I don’t think “biology” entirely explains it all. Perhaps this is just one of those things that we as humans just don’t understand yet.

My feeling on polygyny is that it should be practiced with care, good adab, and respect for the wife’s feelings in the matter! And women need to be honest with themselves and their husbands from the outset of the marriage, or I should say, before they even get married, as to whether or not they’d be comfortable with a second, third, or fourth wife in the picture. And don’t be pretentious about it and talk about it “being the Sunnah” and “it being his right”, etc. just as he has a right to engage in polygyny, you, as a woman, have a right to say no to the practice as well. As both monogamy and polygyny are “part of the Sunnah”, if you will. So either way, you are “following the Sunnah”.

OK, before I go I gotta get one more dig in on Akon. Are all his wives, livin’ in the same house? OK, I don’t know about other madhhabs, but to my knowledge, at least in the Maliki madhhab, all of the wives have to have their own separate, self-contained dwellings! Though they can be right next to each other. What do other schools of thought say regarding this?

Anyway, this just goes back to my thought that many are “all about the Sunnah” or “following the Sunnah” when it suits their own desires, but when you look at other aspects of their lives, the Sunnah just goes out the window?! But I’ve already addressed this in other blog posts. So I’m not going to go their now.

Part Two of Debate with Ali Eteraz: Polygamy « Umar Lee

Blind man fights for right to guide dog in Houston | Chron.com - Houston Chronicle

Assalamu alaikum / greetings, reading Tariq Nelson’s and Umar Lee’s blogs have spurred me to writing again. And once again, the topic of marriage, etc., has come up.

A few things caught my attention and I’d wanted to comment, however, my thoughts, as is normally the case with me, are all over the place, and so I thought that it would just be better to post my thoughts in a blog post of my own.

My first thought deals with promiscuity, or the lack thereof, of people before converting to Islam. While some people may have been very promiscuous before becoming a Muslim, while others were virgins before and after Islam, and before they got married, many of us, are, well, somewhere in the middle. I don’t want to get too personal, but I’d venture to say that some of us were neither virgins, nor promiscuous! And in any case, it seems to me that some “born Muslims” seem to view us converts as less able to “control” our desires, once we accept Islam. In fact, in my experience, once I became a Muslim, I remember being told shortly after my shahadah that I needed to “get married because if I didn’t I might fall into zina”, etc. As if this was not anything that “born Muslims” had to deal with. Or that I somehow just couldn’t control myself, and I just had to “get married” to stop me from falling into sin.

I have also heard some sisters, when talking about other convert sisters, they would say “we are trying to get her married”, etc., and I remember thinking “get her married”, like they were saying it like it was like buying a pair of shoes, or something, like it was just nothing. And something about the way the phrase “we are trying to get her married” sounded to me, it was like “oh we’re just trying to get her married so we won’t have to worry about her anymore, so the new husband can teach her Islam” etc. Marriage is such an important thing and the use of the phrase “get her married”, and the tone it was used in really bothered me! Even though we dont’ have “dating” in Islam, there are ways to get to know a potential spouse in a halal way, and while one shouldn’t wait too long to get married if one finds a good person that they like and are attracted to, one at the same time, just shouldn’t rush into a marriage. There has to be a healthy balance between “getting to know someone” and “not waiting too long”. And there really isn’t a definite time frame for this. It could be one week, one month, 6 months, etc. I think that if one is looking for a spouse, one should take as much time as they need to ask the questions they need to ask, observe the prospective person when they can, try to speak to that person’s friends, family, etc., and otherwise do whatever it is they need to do to feel comfortable in entering into a marriage with this person. Just saying “oh he/she is a good Muslim” and “oh, so-and-so is on the deen”, etc., to me is not enough! Marrying for “Islam” or “the deen” to me, is just obvious, I mean, if you are a practicing, orthodox Muslim, it would seem to me that obviously, you’d want to find a “good Muslim” to marry, so while that should be the foundation of your search, it shouldn’t be the *only thing*. There are so many other things to take into consideration. For example, you’d need to think about things
such as culture (if you want to get into a cross-cultural marriage, and if you do, do you understand the other person’s culture and are they willing to and do they understand yours). Compatibility: do you get along, or do you have the capacity to get along, do you like the same things, and if you don’t is that OK? Can you talk to the other person, do you have similar likes, dislikes, etc. Do you and the potential spouse have the same “religiosity”? Basically what I mean is, are they as religious as you are? Because if you observe all of the pillars of Islam, while your potential spouse barely fasts during Ramadan, that could be a problem.

And t *some* of the things that you have to take into consideration. So to me just saying “oh, he’s a good Muslim brother” or “oh she’s a good Muslim sister”, isn’t “good” enough for me! There is just so much more that one has to consider. And just saying “oh he’s a good Muslim” or “I just want a good Muslim”, to me just sometimes smack of the pretentiousness that Tariq and Umar talk about.

OK, sohe/she is a “good Msulim”, what comes after that? Do they like to go to the park, what do they like to do in their spare time? What do they like to eat? Etc., etc

Anyway, as I was saying, I resisted this, the push to “get married in a hurry, right after saying my shahadah, because I wanted to find my place within Islam, find my niche so to speak, before being pushed into marriage with someone that I may not have known, may not have felt comfortable with, etc., all in some guise of “fulfilling half my deen and keeping me out of zina”.

Another thing that bothers me is when people say “oh I was a virgin before I got married”, etc., and they say it as if to wag their finger at the rest of us “impure, lewd, immoral people who could not wait until we got married”. Don’t get me wrong here, if someone waits until marriage, that is wonderful! Heck, I wish I’d waited! But it’s how some people who have waited say it, it’s a snobbishness, snootiness, judgmentalism or something, or at least that is how it comes across to me. But then again, that could be because of a guilty conscience or regret at *not* having waited on my part.

The fact that I did not wait still bothers me! Had I known at 19 what I know now, perhaps I would have waited! And for many, many years, that was my belief system, no sex before marriage, etc. But I think I got caught up in the “I’m grown I know everything” syndrome, plus the what I like to call “Melrose Place” and “90210″ syndrome, and I thought, hey, if they can do it, why not me! I’m an adult aren’t, I, I can handle it, etc. And that was the place that I worked from.

Now, of course, once I became a Muslim, it was a different story. And by then, I think I had grown, or was growing out of the “melrose Place” syndrome anyway, and marriage became a criteria for engaging in any kind of intimacy with someone. And looking back on it, I wish I had waited for so many reasons! But you know, I justified it, “oh we’re going to get married so it’s OK”, but of course, I never got married to *that* guy. “I’m doing everything right, using birth control, protection, etc., and we love each other so it’s OK.” But it is not! And I think in the back of my mind, I always knew that!

Everyone knows the “physical” damage that can result from premarital sex or having multiple sex partners, etc., but what about the mental / emotional damage? I’ve not seen that discussed very often. And if you do, it’s primarily aimed at women. And speaking from the point of view of a woman, I can say that there can be a lot of “damage”. Take for example, the woman who sleeps with a guy becuase he says he loves her, and then afterwords, he’s gone and she never sees him again? That probably is the most obvious example. However, let’s say she knows from the outset that “this is just sex, nothing more nothing less”.

Is there any damage done then? I have often thought to myself that the term “casual sex” is an oxymoron, because to me, there is nothing casual about it, it is a very intimate experience, no matter how much some want to act as though it is not! Just think about the mechanics involved. The attraction/emotions that actually lead people to want to be intimate with others? I’d think that it would be extremely difficult to not get emotionally involved in a “transcation” like that.

And if you are not emotionally involved, if you can engage in sexual intimacy with someone and *not* feel anything, what does that say about you, in general, would you be emotionally numb to other things as well? What other “damage” or ill effects are there in promiscuity that we, as humans, have not discovered yet? And not only this, even if we humans don’t know *all* of the physical and emotional consequences of promiscuity and premarital or extramarital sex, Allah has commanded us to stay away from it, so my thinking is that there are harms that we just don’t know yet. So we should abstain from it. Because Allah is All-Knowing, the Most Wise, and knows more than we humans do!

However, in this society, it is not the easiest thing to do, especially when it seems “weird” or “strange” to do so. I, unfortunately, saw parts of that movie “The 40-year-old Virgin”, or whatever it was called. And that movie, well, along with it being stupid to me, the whole movie was about how this guy’s friends were going to “get him some”. And the whole movie was also premised upon how weird it was that this guy was a virgin, and of course, the makers of the movie, to me anyway, made the character weird, nerdy, etc. And the only way he could be considered a “real man”, and “cool” and “not nerdy”, etc., would be when he was not a virgin anymore. And no, marriage was not part of the equation!

And I just found myself disgusted by the whole thing! That movie gave me the same feeling of disgust and revulsion that I had when I had the misfortune of hearing snippets of “American Pie”. Of course, if this was a woman, perhaps the stigma of virginity would not be so great, however, she can’t have “too many” partners, or she’s a hoe. So women, really have a tight rope to walk in our society. It’s OK for them to be sexually active, but not too much so! But it seems that men can have all they want! And they are studs, while women who engage in the same levels of promiscuity are sluts and hoes!

Anyway, I know there is no point or structure to this, just expressing some thoughts/observations. I guess my point is to say who cares what “the rest of society” is saying. We as Muslims, both men and women, have a clear commandment regarding the issue of sex. And that is, “Wait until we are married!”, culture, etc., notwithstanding. Of course other religions have this prohibition / injunction too, however some people have chosen to ignore that.

I guess my problem is the “oh look at me I waited” comments I see some people making, and I guess perhaps I’m so sensitive to those kinds of comments because it is somewhat the result of a guilty conscience on my part that I, myself, did not wait until marriage. Sure wish that I, too, could say I did, though.

I have also been doing a lot of thinking on how convert women supposedly get all kinds of proposals thrown at them, etc., and I also have to say that this has never happened to me. And I’ve often wondered why this was? I used to be upset about it, I used to think that there was something wrong with me. However, I look at it now as protection from Allah, especially given all of the stories I’ve read about on other blogs! Not to metnion my bad experiences with my first marriage! Perhaps being ignored was not such a bad thing after all!

However, I will say that if you are a disabled Muslimah, your chances of finding a spouse are drastically reduced as well, or at least that was my experience anyway.

And I can’t say for sure why this is. Perhaps it is the perception that you won’t be able to take care of the traditional things that a wife would be expected *by some* to do, such as cooking, cleaning, raising children, etc. Or perhaps some feel that blind or disabled people don’t have “needs” and have no need of getting married (though I didn’t get this attitude by some, infact, as I noted above, I got just the opposite attitude sometimes).

Perhaps some see blind and disabled Muslims as “unapproachable”, as blind and disabled people tend to be seen in the “wider society”, because we are seen as being so “great and wonderful”, because we can do what non-disabled people perceive to be “amazing things” that they themselves would not think they could do if in our situation. Examples of this would be cooking, cleaning, going to the store, dressing oneself, etc. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard, “I think it’s so amazing that you can cross the street, hold down a job, dress yourself, or any number of examples.

And people say it in such a, I don’t know, the tone of voice is so, I want to say condescending, but I’m not sure that that is the word for it. Because while they are telling you how “wonderful” you are, they, for the most part, do it in a “you’re just a child”, sing-songy type of voice! And that so gets on my nerves!

That, and the impression that “blindness” and disability, somehow makes you “better than” or “more free from” “impurity” or immorality, than non-disabled people. I’ve also been told that Allah will admit me into Jannah, solely because of my blindness and because I have accepted the “challenge” of blindness so well. Perhaps, however, what of all of the “wrong” things I’ve done, or may do, in the rest of my life? While admission to Jannah, solely because of my blindness, would be an absolutely wonderful thing, I sure don’t want to rest on my laurles and just expect that Allah will just give me that “just because I’m blind”. If I want to be treated “like other people”, in this life, I want the same in the next, Inshallah. Though Inshallah, I will be forgiven for my sins and shortcomings, and perhaps, Allah may take into consideration that “I was blind”, or He may take into consideration something else that I had to struggle with. Allah alone knows best. And all I can do is to strive the be the best Muslim that I can be, and continually ask for His Mercy and Forgiveness.