Assalamu alaikum, so what kind of a Muslim am I? Umar Lee and Abu Sinan have got me thinking about that, as they have both posted on topics related to white Muslims.
Perhaps I am just being too self-conscious or something I don’t know. But I don’t think I fit into any of the categories which Umar Lee and Abu Sinan talk about. I didn’t grow up in a privileged background, nor did I grow up poor, etc. My parents were middle-class, my dad in the military, and my mom working on the base as a civilian. I don’t remember having to go without, I mean, my brother, sister, and I didn’t get *everything* that we wanted, but I don’t remember going hungry either! My parents worked hard to give my siblings and I a better life than they had.
If you would have met me probably 8 or 9 years ago, I’d say that in many ways, I was a completely different person. I considered myself a Conservative Republican mostly, because that is all I knew I guess. I didn’t know much about Islam, and what I did know, didn’t seem like anything I’d want to follow!
Perhaps, though, the foundation of how my life would turn out was already laid, because although I was this Republican (mostly), who actually did listen to Rush Limbaugh at one time, I also had a sensitivity to minority / race / social justice issues, and felt very strongly that everyone should be treated equally, that racism did still indeed exist, etc., etc.
Perhaps being blind made me sensitive to those sorts of things, I don’t know, or perhaps the fact that I read so many books, about anything and everything, I don’t know.
My journey to Islam happened quite by accident, starting with a trip to Senegal and The Gambia, which also happened quite by accident. I guess had I never taken that trip, I’d never have found the truth about Islam, and not what others may want me to think of Islam. I also ntoiced my political opinions beginning to change around that time as well, though I can’t say for sure when that started to happen, I think it was a slow process that began not too long before traveling to The Gambia.
I mean, though I, at the time, leaned more to the conservative end of the spectrum, I guess on some issues, I definitely didn’t fit into that category, and perhaps that was what made my mind open to Islam in the first place. Maybe if I’d had access to accurate information on Islam sooner, I’d have come to Islam sooner!
Allah alone knows best about that, though, but what I can say is that looking back on my life, I think the seeds were already there, implanted somewhere deep within my brain, I just did’t know it yet.
So I guess I don’t fit into any "white Muslim" category, at least not the categories that Umar or Abu Sinan speak of. I wasn’t trying to "find myself", and I don’t see Islam as just a stepping stone on my journey to "know myself". And although I know I could just fade back in to the "white American mainstream" if things get worse for American Muslims, I just couldn’t see myself doing that. But on the flipside, I didn’t come from a poor, low-income, or some other disadvantaged background either. But not only that, I believe and have internalized "La ilaha Ill-Allah, Muhammadar-rassullah", and whatever trials I might face in this life, for one thing, didn’t compare to what the Prophet (May Allah bless him and grant him peace), nor his companions (may Allah reward them all) went through. And not only this, whatever problems I may face as a Muslim in this world, if I were to leave Islam, I’d not even want to think of whatever punishment might await me in the next life for me leaving Islam in this one. And Inshallah, if I suffer as a result of my belief in Islam, I will be rewarded. So why would I want to walk away from Islam, just because someone may want to give me trouble? Perhaps it’s not one’s "whiteness" which predisposes someone to leave Islam or be "weak", as it were, but maybe it’s just the lack of iman, and / or the fact that Islam has not been planted firmly in the heart of the person who has left Islam.
I guess maybe some white people who convert to Islam, use their white privilege when it suits them, whether within the Muslim community, or upon leaving it, use that "privilege" in order to gain some sort of position of authority and "speak on Islam / Muslims" in the media etc.
However, it also bothers me that white Muslims tend to be lumped into what seem to be two broad categories. Either they’re weak, etc., and either are "progressive" "weak in faith" "or a bunch of feel-good sufis", or leave Islam altogether, or "don’t practice the right kind of Islam" according to some, or they practice what is deemed to be the "kinder gentler Islam" or whatever. Or, on the flipside, they are strong, rugged, etc., pretty much the opposite of the supposedly weak Muslims I first described.
I don’t know, I sometimes have a tendency for things to just go right over my head, but my reaction to all of this is that if a white person, or any other person, leaves Islam, then that is between them and Allah, and the same if they then turn around and try to "out Muslims" as it were and give the "true picture of Islam", etc., to the media, or right-wing people or groups, or anyone else who wants the supposed dirt on Muslims.
When someone leaves Islam, no matter who they are, I feel sad for them and I make dua that Allah guides them back to Islam and that He forgives them.
So are you, as a Muslim, deemed "weak", because you go to a "certain place in California to study Islam" but "strong" if you’ve studied in Saudi Arabia or if you attend masjids who follow a certain other interpretation of Islam?
We can talk about "white privilege", we can talk about how white people may benefit from being white, whether they have just become a Muslim, or whether they’ve just left Islam. However, some of us recognize this and are working to change this, both within ourselves and in the community as a whole!
Just because I didn’t hunt, or fish, or kill someone, or want to kill someone, or get into fights with someone, or get robbed, shot, mugged, etc., or just because I didnt’ have a rough childhood, or por background, or bad upbringing, it doesn’t make me a "weak Muslim", I don’t think! And just because I’m white, and admire the work that "that certain school in California" is doing, I don’t think that makes me any better or worse of a Muslim than if I admired or liked any other Muslim organization.
But perhaps I am just a woman, what good are they anyway? OK, sarcasm aside, but my outlook is of a more feminine nature, obviously, as I am a woman (duh), so perhaps this is coloring my reaction, or maybe it’s that I don’t like generalizing or lumping people into categories and then couch it as "speaking the truth"! And while I’m tempted to say that it really isn’t a thing to me whether someone leaves Islam, in all honesty, that is not true. I feel sad for them, I make dua that they came back to Islam, however, what I’m not going to do is go ona nd on on my blog about how white Muslims are weak, and in so doing, take swipes at certain Muslim institutes, just because said "weak Muslim" went to said institute! Just as I’m also not going to label anyone as "extremist" if they attend certain other Islamic institutes. Or perhaps I’d rather concentrate on correcting my own wrongs, focusing on what’s on my own plate, as it were, rather than exposing the fautls of others.
But then again, I’m not a bitter person, either, and my philosophy is live an let live and let Allah take care of the rest. Being a supposedly "weak" or "strong" Muslim has nothing to do with what "manhaj" you follow, imho. And perhaps my strong reaction has to do with the fact that something that was said somehow pertains to me, in some way, and "the truth", as deemed by some, hurts. However, Inshallah, through the help and guidance of Allah, I will continue to work on my faults and continue to purify my heart and perfect my character, and thereby earn the pleasure of Allah in doing so. And sarcasm, snarkiness, and emotional reactions toward others’ posts isn’t going to get me one step closer to that goal, no matter how much I may disagree with what may be said.
