Ginny’s Thoughts & Things

Link: Probes Launched After Muslims Pulled Off Flight - Newsweek National News - MSNBC.com.

     Assalamu alaikum, just a series of thoughts.

*****

A Correction!

     On responding to a comment on Tariq Nelson’s blog, he mentioned that Glenn Beck had Aslam Abdullah on, who decried the "propaganda" films as un-Islamic.  Thanks Tariq for letting me know about this.  However, it was squeezed in when there was like two minutes to go in the program, and by then, I was trying to listen and talk on the phone to my husband at the same time, and when I went to go back and listen to it again, I think I accidentally muted my Flash Player, or something, because now the sound won’t play, and Flash isn’t the most speech-friendly of applications, so now I can’t get it to un-mute so I can listen to the program again.  So anyway.  I stand corrected for saying absolutely, that Glenn Beck didn’t have *any* Muslims on to decry the supposed "expose" that Mr. Beck was putting on.

     Having said that, though, squeezing someone in, at the last of the program, is well, I don’t know, it still leaves a bad taste in my mouth, because, I wonder, how many people, like me, had stopped watching and had gone onto other things?  And all the while the "Islam is evil and Muslims are too" mantra would still be ringing in their heads!

     I still stand by my original assertion that the series of programs was only for ratings, and not to "educate" anyone, but to stir up already existing fear and dislike, and dare I say, hatred, which was already there!

*****

Blindisms…  How do you define them?  Well, here is how I do.  A blindism, is well, something that blind people tend to do, but not all of us.  Examples of blindisms would be, pressing on your eyes with your fingers or hands (I still do this, though I’ve tried to break myself of it).  Rocking, I sometimes do this when I get nervous, and I used to do it when I was listening to the radio or music, in general.  Moving your head back and forth, I don’t think I did this.  Hmmm.  I think those would be the top three, although I think some people will flip their hands in the air, etc.  Though I’ve not done that.  Anyway, somehow my husband and I got onto the topic of "blindisms", because he was asking me why I pressed on my eyes, and I told him that I couldn’t tell him why, that I’d been doing it as long as I can remember, so much so that it’s changed the shape of my eyes, face and head. I can still feel on my forehead, the change in my bone structure from years of pushing on my eyes, same around my eyes themselves.  Though I don’t think that mine is as severe as other blind people I’ve heard about.  Anyway, this reminded me of how some blind people try to put others up on a pedestal, like, you’re not "independent enough" or "adjusted to blindness enough", if you dont’ use a cane, or read Braille or use a dog guide, or can’t live independently, or can’t cook, or name any myriad of things.

     And for some reason, blind celebreties get put on a pedestal, because "oh they’re blind".  Or, you get someone who is held up as the "model of all blind-dom", as I like to call it!  They can travel anywhere, go anywhere, do anything, without needing to ask anyone for anything!  And that’s just so unrealistic!

     And then, you have the ones who some have decided are an embarrassment and a step backward for all of us.  OK, need I saw it?  I’ve seen lists where blind celebrities like Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles are talked about so badly, because Stevie or Ray has blindisms, or because Stevie Wonder uses a sighted guide everywhere he goes, or because he supposedly has all this technology and cool gadgetry around his house that he supposedly won’t share with the rest of us!  Or, that he supposedly bullied some kid, while he was at the Michigan School for the Blind, to make his bed because he could, because even then, he was "Stevie Wonder".  And I’m like so what!

     Are blind people just not allowed to be normal?  To be human?  To make mistakes?  One thing that has always angered me to no end was that for the most part, blind people are either treated like perpetual children, or they are treated like superhuman geniuses!  We can’t ever be normal.  Like you know, have bad days, be grouchy, get married, have kids (oh the horror, the thought of the blind / disalbed actually engaging in sexual activity and / or having children, oh the thought).

     There are members of my own family, who have watched me grow up, and have watched me be as independent as I can be, yet, when I have mentioned wanting to have kids, they gasp in astonishment and say, "oh how could you, you’re blind", and it just makes me want to slap them.  Astaghfirhullah, but it does!

     Just as I’m sick and tired of having to represent all Muslims and the Ummah when I go out the door, I’m tired of having to carry the whole weight of the blind world on my shoulders along with it!

     I am Ginny, and no one else!  And I always hated it when I was at the blind school, and we’d get ready to go on field trips, and we’d be told to be on our best behavior, because "we were representing the blind school", and the implied saying was, you can’t mess up, you can’t make mistakes, because the sighted world will think you’re stupid, retarded, and will hate you, because you’re not as good!

    Or, the tours they’d give, for various groups of people.  "Oh look a tour’s coming by, pretend to read that book."  Or sometimes, the tour would come in as I was doing my work and someone, maybe a teacher or someone, would ask me to tell the group what I was working on.  I hated it, being put on display like some kind of zoo animal!  "Oh, look at the little blind kids doing their work, isn’t that sweet!",  I’d think they’d be saying.

     I used to be careful how I talked to people, lest I frighten them and make them forever afraid to talk to another blind person, but you know, I’m not anymore!  And I’ll tell you what stopped that!  While my Leader Dog Abby was still working, we were walking somewhere, to class or something, I don’t rememember now, and I guess maybe we got turned around, and I stopped to ask someone where we needed to go.  Well, the guy started to tell me where to go, and instead of just telling me, and letting me know where to direct the dog, he grabbed Abby by the side of the harness and pulled her sideways in the direction he wanted us to go!  I can still hear her claws scraping the sidewalk.  I was so shocked, I mean, grabbing someone else’s dog guide like that is a complete no-no.  But I was so shocked, stunned, and angry, that I forgot to be nice!

     I said, "Don’t your dare touch my dog like that!  If you want to tell me where to go, then you tell me!  But don’t pull my dog around like that, she is for me to direct, not for you to touch!"

     I honestly can’t tell you what happened after that, but somehow I got unlost and was able to find my way back to wherever it was I was going!

     You know, I’ve spent a good part of my life getting over "what others think or thought of me", I’m still struggling with that!  But, I am Ginny and no one else!  I am an individual, I am a woman, I am Muslim, I am blind.  And just because I am a blind Muslim woman, I deserve to be given just as much individuality as everyone else!  I cannot so easily be put into a box and I will not let you do it to me!

     Just because I am a Muslim woman, I am not a second-class citizen, I can’t be pushed into the back of the room, to the back of the masjid somewhere, or at least, I’ll try not to let you push me back there, and if you do, I’ll just leave and create a little corner for myself somewhere else!  Where I can worship Allah in peace. 

     Because I am blind, it doesn’t mean that I have to like ham radio, or piano tuning or any of the stereotypical things that blind people like and do (although I used to have a ham radio license).

     However, I also have interests that most people wouldn’t expect out of someone like me, namely, African and African-American history, but oh, I’m white I’m not supposed to like that!  But whatever!

     I just don’t care anymore!  I am who I am.  "I am 31 flavors and then some", part of the words to a song I heard once, can’t remember the artist or title right now, but I like that.

     And so my hodge-podge ends for today.  Make dua for me everyone!  I’ve been in a bad mood the last few days, and I don’t like it.  I’ve been fasting, making up my missed days from Ramadan, or at least starting to, trying to shake the bad mood, because fasting always makes me feel closer to Allah, but I’m just tired.  Maybe I’m doing something wrong!  Ugh…

     Assalamu alaikum / greetings.  I think I should clarify my reaction / position on the whole Glenn Beck program, or series of programs.  First, my shock at seeing the videos he aired did not come from not knowing they existed!  Nothing that he said was new to me, it was just recycled, "This is why Islam is so bad and needs to be stopped" propaganda!  All this was, was an attempt by a so-called journalist, who doesn’t want to say he’s a journalist’s, attempt at ratcheting up his ratings, which appears to have succeeded!

     What shocked me was the videos themselves!  But it would have been just as shocking and repugnant to me, and is, if I’d have seen some white supremacist yelling, "White power!", and going on about how black people are "pigs and apes", etc. 

     So anyway, his program was, as he himself admitted, not balanced!  He did not have any Muslims come on and say how this was just as it was, pure propaganda, and that Islam, itself, did not stand for such things.  However, Beck instead openly questioned the loyalty, yet pretended not to do so, of an American Muslimwho’d just been elected to Congress.  "How do we know you’re not supporting our enemies," Beck intimated. 

    But anyway, there is nothing I can do about what Glenn Beck says, nor whether or not the majority of Americans will start to believe that all Muslims are hateful, evil people, who deserve to be stopped, by any means necessary!  It’s interesting to me how Netinyahu went on about these propaganda films laying the groundwork for the next Holocaust, however, did it ever occur to him, or Glenn Beck, that what they are saying and doing could also lead to violence against Muslims?  I don’t want to go so far as to say that the Muslims could have their own Holocaust in the making, however, when I hear people say that much of the porpaganda spewed out against Muslims today, is reminiscent of the propaganda produced in pre-War World II Europe and the rise to power of the Third Reich and the subsequent Holocaust against the Jews, Gypsies, homosexuals, etc. 

     However, my guess is that many people feel that if mass violence begins to be committed against Muslims (not that it’s not happening in certain places), but let’s just say here in America, then it would be our own fault and we deserved it "because we’re so violent and evil anyway). 

     Anyway, maybe I’m just being a paranoid worrywart!  I don’t know, but the fact that the Glenn Beck program, in and of itself, seems to be propagandistic, while at the same time trying to "expose propaganda", is not lost on me! 

     As I commented on Tariq Nelson’s blog, we, as Muslims, need to do what we can to stop the "extremists" who feel it necessary to air this propaganda, and lead people to believe that the sorts of things contained in this propaganda are "true Islam", etc.  However, at the same time, we need to be concerned that this "propaganda", which is not representative, I do not think, of what the majority of Muslims think and feel, is used to show how "Islam really is". 

     I guess it’s a tough tight rope to walk when you have to show that Islam isn’t like what the extremists say it is, and at the same time, be bombarded by non-Muslims by some verse they saw in the Qur’an, or what some supposed scholar said somewhere, which seems to justify non-Muslims’ fears about what is in the propaganda films!

     This is not a cut-and-dry, black-and-whtie issue!  There is propaganda and hatred on both sides it seems, not to mention extremists.  I don’t think letter-writing, action alerts, platitudes about the "peacefulness of Islam" are going to do any good, while you have extremists thinking it’s OK to murder and behead people, etc.  What Muslims should do, I think, is live Islam, the best they can in their own lives, while doing what they can, within Islamic bounds, to stamp this sort of thing out!

Not that any of this makes any sense, but hey…

Assalamu alaikum, Tariq Nelson posted this on his blog, and I’m watching it now, and my first impressions are, well, I’m shocked!  I never knew this sort of thing, well, I don’t want to sound naive and say "existed", but wow!  I really don’t have any further reactions.

Link: YouTube - Glenn Beck presents Exposed.

     Assalamu alaikum, OK, so I’ve not seen the "Islam Exposed" or the "radical Islam Agenda" or whatever the title of the Glenn Beck special that was on last night!  And at this point, I don’t care to go and look and see what the title was.  But at this point, well, I wonder if all it is is about ratings?  Because according to some blogs I’ve skimmed across, it seems that that show was the top-rated show on cable last night.  Which is worrysome to me!

     You know, maybe I’m just paranoid, maybe I’m just being, well, pesimistic or something, but I wonder how long it’s going to be before they start building internment camps for so-called disloyal Muslims?  If the questions that Glenn Beck asked Representative Keith Ellison, and the seeming agreement of many Americans on this, it seems that the groundwork may already be laid, or at least is int he process of being laid, for such a thing.

     Or maybe not, but when you look at people who are "trying to expose Islam" for what they think "Islam really is", and when you have so-called TV pundits / commentators asking elected officials to prove their loyalty to the US, well, it feels like the old slippery slope.

     And while I believe in trusting in Allah, and while I try not to be paranoid about every little thing, I also believe in vigilance!  The only answer I can offer to counter the anti-Islam, Anti-Muslim, rhetoric that I so often hear os to try to build bridges with non-Muslims, even if it’s just on an individual person level.  I don’t think that isolation and segregation into your own communities may be the answer, it least not right now. 

     And I think Muslims need to be honest with ourselves.  I don’t think we should try to white-wash everything, trying to pretend that extremism doesn’t exist in our communities, or trying to sweep it under the rug.  However, all Muslims should not be painted with the same broad brush either.

     I think there has to be a moderate path, that has to be tread here, because while you can admit that some Muslims act and do and say things that are contrary to what Islam teaches, we can also say that most Muslims are not like this!  And even if they are, their actions should not be deemed as "sialmic terrorism", "Islamic Fasicsm", or whatever, because that implies that Islam somehow condones this sort of thing, when it doesn’t!  I mean, if you want to say anything, you can say, "Muslim terrorists" or something like that, but I’m not even sure I like that either, as again, that implies that being Muslim somehow had something to dowith why the person acted like that!  When it could actually be because that person just thought that killing and bombing were OK, and just wanted to use religion to justify it, or whatever.  I don’t know!

     It’s just the so-called "Muslim extremists" and the "Islam / Muslim-haters" on both sides make me angry!  And frustrated too!  But it’s times like this, where you just have to rely on Allah and be sure in the knowledge that help comes from places you least expect!

     So I think one way to go about ridding all of this "extremism" is to be proactive as Muslims, to deal with the problems in our community with honesty and taqwa, and also to reach out to others to let them know who we really are!

     Anyway, so that’s my rant for today.  This doesn’t seem very coherent to me, but there you go!  Maybe I’ll try to expound on this later, or maybe I won’t, it depends on how I feel.

"ABOUT THE SHOW
In a one-hour special,
Glenn Beck
will show you the shocking images that help fuel rage against Israel and the West.

• Watch Glenn tell you why as many Americans as possible should watch his special tonight"

Uh, maybe because he wants ratings?  But really, I won’t be watching!  But maybe someone else who has the stomach for it will.  I thought this was discussed last night when Keith Ellison was on, but shows you how much I know.  Ugh!  Inshallah, I won’t lose my dinner over this, which is why I won’t watch!  See my post below regarding this sort of thing!

Link: CNN.com.

     Assalamu alaikum / greetings, I wasn’t even going to talk about the Glenn Beck program on CNN, that I think was on last night, that was advertised, at least on XM anyway, as "an expose on radical Islam", or something like that.  So I didn’t even listen / watch, because I knew the kind of thing that it was going to be.  Because in the sound clips included in the advertisement was something like "suicide bombers treated as heroes", "children being brain-washed", etc.  And how "we need to let America know what is really going on".  Or something to that affect.

     So this morning, I’m getting ready for work, and listening to the Young Turks show on Air America radio, and they played a clip of the GlennBeck show where he is interviewing Keith Ellison.  And he starts out by saying how much he thinks Islam is being hijacked, how "he knows Muslims", etc.  And the first thing I thought is, it’s like the most racist / prejudiced of white people who swear up and down "some of my best friends are black", before then proceeding to lay on some of the most vilest racist crap / stereotypes you could ever imagine.

     So then, he says to Mr. Ellison, "let’s be politically incorrect", etc., etc., and then proceeds to demand that Keith Ellison prove that he is not working for "our enemies", but then says "I’m not questioning your allegiance / patriotism", whatever!  It’s like he’s saying, "Oh, you gotta prove to us you’re not like those terrorists", but then says "I’m not *really* asking you to prove anything". 

     Anyway, so I found a bunch of people blogging about this, and I could quote from Glenn Beck, but if you’re interested you’ll find it for yourself.  I don’t have the stomach for it anymore!  I’m tired of Muslims bending over backwards to show how "nonviolent" and how "unlike the terrorists" they are, only to be figuratively slapped in the act and told "you’re not doing enough", or get asked in that condescendingly mocking tone, "Why aren’t Muslims doing enough to stop terrorism"? 

     And you know what?  I’m tired of it!  I’m an American OK?  And yes, I’m Muslim, but I shouldn’t have to answer for every violent, ignorant, or stupid thing some other Muslim does, even if he or she says or thinks that what they are doing is in the name of Islam!  Christians are not asked to do this because of white racism, or slavery, or people like Eric Rudolph, Timothy McVay, or those Army of God people who think it’s OK to bomb abortion clinics and kill abortion doctors, in order to "save the babies".  And the "it’s only one in a million" comment, that that Congresswoman, or whoever she is, in Florida said, as if to say that while crazy and extremist acts, while rare among us good Christian white people, are quite common among "those evil Moslems".  Well, what can you say to that!?

     There are over 1.2 billion Muslims in the world, and most would never even think of committing an act of violence against anyone.  And even if they do commit some violent act against someone, Islam or religion, may not necessarily be the reasons behind it, although it could be argued that religion may be used to justify those acts, in some cases.

     I’m just tired of having to always answer for things that others are doing, just because I’m one of their co-religionists!  And I do not think I should have to!  I can tell you that Islam doesn’t condone the wanton murder of innocent people, I can tell you how Islam does not condone suicide bombings.  And I can tell you how, even if they seem like the majority, how those people who engage in these sorts of things are controvening the tenets of their own religion, even while they are claiming they are doing this in the name of Islam.  However, if all you’re going to do is tell me I’m wrong, and then proceed to cite yet another example of how Islam is violent, evil, etc., then you know what?  I plain give up!

     Those who want to hear, let them hear, those who want to see, let them see!  Those who don’t, can just continue to bury their heads in the sand, and continue to give credence to what Fox News, Glenn Beck, and others continue to spew about what they think Islam supposedly is!

     And at this point, I’m almost tempted to start with the "this doesn’t mean that there are *not extremists among Muslims", but you know what, then that means I’m falling into that trap again!  And if anyone denies that there are extremist Muslims out there, then they really need some help!  But that is not where I’m coming from!

     We know there are extremist Muslims out there!  The trouble is, many want to make them representative of 1.2 billion people, and they simply are not!  Can you imagine how much more trouble (or fitna), or vilence there would be in the world if they did?

     However, when Muslims see their fellow Muslims being attacked and humiliated and killed and oppressed, we can definitely feel frustration, anger, and righteous indignation over it!  However, as a Muslim, when I am faced with trial and adversity, I turn to Allah, who is the Best to Help, the Best to Protect, in these sorts of situations.  I do not go out and kill innocent people, I do not strap a bomb to myself and blow myself up in a crowded bus!  I pray, I make dua, I make dhikr, I ask Allah for His Help, Guidance, and Protection!  And I try to have Patience and Perseverance, because that is what the Qur’an commands of me!

     And I’d like to think that that is how the vast majority of Muslims would respond!  But Allah knows best, and I will not answer for, nor be made to be held accountable for the deeds of others!  Because I need only be accountable to Allah for my deeds and actions!

     Not to Glenn Beck, or any others who yell and scream about how Muslims aren’t doing enough, yet never seem to bother to ask Muslims, well, except Keith Ellison, or go to the myriad of Muslim sites who condemn this sort of thing.  Instead they get the "Muslim turn-coats", like Irshad Manji, et. al., who go to the Glenn Beck and Fox News types and tell them what they want to hear, how backward and evil Islam is, and how it needs to be reformed!

     Whatever, I just plain give up!  I have enough on my plate, trying to worry about my own taqwa, my own nafs, my own actions and deeds as a Muslim, to get all worked up (again), when someone says something bad about Islam, when someone publishes another nasty cartoon, etc.  I got this email from Bridges TV, where they are trying to make Bridges TV a "free cable channel", where you don’t have to pay extra to subscribe to it!  And the email was a huge turn off for me!  I’ll need to post it so you can see why, but the email kept going on and on about how "the mainstream media is so negative about Islam", etc., and seemed to insinuate that since the channel was being offered for free, that the cable companies were somehow anti-Islamic, or something.  Or at least that is the message that I got anyway.  But anyway, I’m getting off topic from the original topic of my post so will stop now.

Note:  I’d originally wanted to title this "Now I have a Nice Husband Too!".  However, I didn’t want to steal the Dictator Princess’s expression *smile*, so I reframed.

     Assalamu alaikum / greetings, "So are you going to blog about your marriage?"  was the question I got asked by the esteemed blogger Indigo Jo yesterday.  And my answer was, "I’m not sure."

     But why wouldn’t you want to blog about your marriage?  Well, hmmm, because, well, I have my reasons, that is all I will say.  I don’t have anything to hide, but well, to American / Western standards, it was kinda sudden, and I’ve had enough of a problem / stress trying to explain to my non-Muslim family, friends, and co-workers why, "I have to get married so quick".  And I have a very sarcastic side that I have to supress, because my sarcastic side wants to say, "I’m getting married ’cause I don’t think it’s OK to "date"."  I don’t think it’s OK to "live together", or to "trying things out for a while", or to "get to know him for a couple years", or whatever.

     Sorry, call me whatever you want to, but I, as a Muslim, do not believe that is permissible!

     In the end though, Alhamdulillah, everyone was happy for me, because I was happy, and in the end, even if they didn’t agree with my decisions, I think it was understood that I’d thought things out, and whatever the case, in case no one’s noticed, I’m like, in my early thirties OK?  And I’m not a child, so there!

     And maybe this should be put in the "respecting my privacy" department, or the "keeping my husband’s secrets" department, but I do not wish to share any details about my new husband.  And I’ll give my reasons why, in that the last time I publicly, on a blog, shared details of my ex-husband, even though I left some things out in an effort not to expose him, so to speak, people saw fit to come on here and expose him anyway!  So, I’d kindly ask that anyone who knows *who* I’m married to, please do not expose it!  And any comments alluding to my husband’s identity will be promptly deleted!  So no long, rambling posts about his name, nationality, family, nothing like that!

     I really don’t want to be a "b***h" about this, but the last time I got upset because certain aspects of my private life were used for public fodder, I was told "well if you can’t take the heat, get out of the kitchen", "or maybe you just shouldn’t be blogging" etc.

     So anyway, I’ve shared all I’m going to share.  I wanted to share the good news of my recent marriage with those who read this blog and who mean well for me.  However, in the interest of my own privacy, I do not wish to reveal any more.  Maybe I will at some point, but not now!

     However, what I will say is that it is funny / interesting what happens when you truly leave things to Allah, and you rely on Him and His Wisdom to take care of things, and stop worrying about things all the time!  Alhamdulillah, Allah is truly Great and Merciful, and so much more!

     Assalamu alaikum, just a hodge podge of thoughts…

*****

     Something heard while flipping through my Sirius channels today:  "If you shoot my dog, I’ll kill your cat."  Quoted from, what I think is a Jay-Z song.  And my reaction was like, "Huh?"  And I promptly turned it to the BBC World Service.  Music being haram and all (but I’m struggling OK?  I’m struggling.)

*****

     I was traveling this weekend, and I was getting ready to get on the plane Friday night, and I was sitting there at the gate, and all of a sudden, I hear this guy say, "I just got back from Iraq.  I just got back from my second tour in Iraq.  I’m on leave, and I just want to see my mother.  That’s all I want."

     Now, normally, I’d think, well, this is a good and laudable thing.  However, this was preceeded by him arguing with a guy because he said the guy had cut 4 or 5 places in the line, etc.  And he started saying a few other things I couldn’t hear, and then he started cussing, and a man got up and asked him not to cuss anymore, ’cause his son was there.  The man said, "Could you please watch your language because my son is here."  Etc., etc.  And the man started going on about how he’d just gotten back from Iraq and how he just wanted to see his mother, like we all just should give him some kinda special treatment and all, just ’cause he went to Iraq.

     OK, so he went to Iraq, OK, I can respect that, but you think it’s OK to almost fight with someone for cutting in the line and then cussing in front of small children?  Yeah, whatever.

     So anyway, after the Iraq guy and the guy with the son had calmed down (I’m not sure if they separated themselves or if someone separated them), I heard some people next to me say, "I’m not proud of him, I’m ashamed of him."  And I wanted to say, "Yeah, me too."  But little old Muslim head scarf girl just kept her mouth shut. 

     So then, we all get on the plane, and next thing I know, Iraq guy is talking about Iraq, different kinds of weapons, killing people, how he volunteered for the Army (or was it Marines?), etc., etc.  And I said to the lady next to me, "here he go again!  Is this really appropriate, to talk about killing people like this?"  So anyway, next thing I hear Iraq guy say is "people still live in caves over there".  And I am like huh?  I’m about two steps away from getting up out of my seat, going up to this guy, and cold-cocking him with my folded cane!  I mean, like seriously!  And that’s what I remember this guy saying, "I mean, seriously", he’d say, in-between his tales of Iraq.

     I was disgusted.  But little old Muslim head scarf girl just kept quiet.  Because little old Muslim head scarf girl was getting married this weekend, and I wasn’t going to get sent to Guantanamo Bay just for clocking some US Army veteran over some stupid ignorant comment he made about Iraqis living in caves.

     And when I think about it, I don’t remember him saying anything about liberating or helping the Iraqi people, but then again, I tried my best not to listen.

*****

     My introduction to hip hop (which I thought about because I heard an old KRS-One / BDP song earlier today), began when I was, hmmm, how old?  I think maybe 8?  This boy on my school bus had a rap tape and he let me listen to it.  And at the time, I thought, "Well, it’s OK."  I remember him saying something about rap and "black people" (huh, what are blakc people, this blind girl wants to know, what is black, what is white, which one am I ’cause no one ever told me), so anyway.  Then my journey began with RunDMC, LL Cool J, etc., (yeah I know how cliche and white of me right?), and I remember the urban station in Indianapolis, where I went to school, would not play rap, and during my middle and high school years, even went so far as to play (you won’t believe this), rap instrumentals!  I mean, they’d be playing the song, but you’d not get the rap part of it!  I remember they got so anal about it at one time that they even took the rap out of the Don’t be Cruel song by Bobby Brown.  Now, how silly is that?

     At any rate, we used to get our rap fix from a local high school station called WJEL.  I remember I’d tape stuff and take it home during the weekend.  And some of my friends who lived near Chicago would bring their stuff from their stations down to school during the week, which is how I got introduced to house music.  So anyway, I was just reminiscing, because hearing those songs brings back memories.  Every time I hear a song, I can tell you where I was, what I was doing, what kind of weather we were having, sometimes.

     So anyway…  Guess I’ll leave with my ramblings for now.

     Assalamu alaikum, I’ve been thinking about the whole polygamy, or, in the case of Muslims, polygyny issue lately, as, for one thing I’ve come across blogs of women in polygynous relationships, and secondly, we had an amendment on the ballot here in Tennessee, where you could vote yes or no, in defining marriage as being strictly between a man and a woman.

     Anyway, one thing I always seem to hear when I hear Muslim women talk about polygamy is the phrase, "it’s his right", etc.  And there also seems to be a stigma against Muslim women who, not so much as *not accepting the practice*, as Allah did give men the right to polygyny, have instead stated that they do not want to be a part of this sort of an arrangement in their own lives.

     And when women say this, when they say, "I do not want to be part of a polygynous relationship", I get the sense sometimes that they are thought of as "less Muslim" or something.  And I also get the sense that for some women, the more they suffer in said polygynous relationship, the more "steadfast" they are, the more "better Muslim woman" they are, or maybe I should say, they are viewed to be, or view themselves to be.

     Now, if a woman says, and I think honestly I might add, that she does not want this in her life, and lays down stipulations in her marriage contract dealing with these sorts of eventualities, she is somehow viewed to be "not following the Sunnah", "not Muslim enough", etc.

     What I most often hear is how it’s the Sunnah, and the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) practiced it, etc., etc., and how "it’s the man’s right".

     However, what to me seems to get lost in all of this is that while the Prophet (peace be upon him) may have practiced polygyny, he was also monogamously married for, was it 25 years?  And while it is the "man’s right" as they say, it is also the woman’s right to say that she will not accept such an arrangement!  And I don’t think this makes her any less of a Muslim for doing so!  And on the same token, just because you "suffer in polygyny", and let your husband trample all over your rights because of some sense of piety, that doesn’t make you any more Muslim than someone who puts their foot down and decides they aren’t going to put up with that kind of crap!

     Speaking for myself, polygyny is *not* something that I think I could deal with!  I’m not saying that I’d not change my mind, however, I think most men, and women for that matter, can’t handle it!  And I think it’s a practice that gets abused!  My understanding, and this is strictly my understanding, but my understanding is that one reason (out of many I’m sure) for polygyny is meant to be a way of taking care of women, who may, well, not so much be left destitute otherwise, but who otherwise may not have anyone to take care of them.  I’m not saying that this is *the only* reason why polygyny would be a good thing.  However, I most certainly don’t think that Allah ordained the practice just for men to be able to get "something new" as it were. 

     I’m not saying that it can’t work, and I’m well aware that there are polygynous unions which definitely work!  But there really needs to be some respect and caring and true love of the Sunnah going on, for this to work.  And that’s just all I’m saying.  And I think most people that I’ve come across would not be able to adequately handle a polygynous situation in a mature, taqwa-centered, Sunnah-focused way. 

     And it’s not just the men here, you not only have the men using polygyny for their own selfish reasons, knowing that they aren’t doing right by their wives, but you also have women who try to "get over on the other wife", etc., and that is not good either.  And that’s what I don’t want to deal with.  It’s not so much my future husband taking another wife that would bother me so much, but it’s also that I might also possibly have to deal with whatever games the cowife would want to play.

     Not that she would, and it could be argued that my husband would be good to both of us, kind, caring, considerate, all of that, and the cowife would be respectful, compassionate, etc.  However, for me at this point, the best thing is just to stay in the monogamous relationship that I know I can handle.  Polygyny is just not for me right now!

     And having said that, I don’t think I’m "less of a Muslimah" than the woman who is in a polygynous union with a husband and three other women!  So there!  Whether you are monogamous or polygynous, either way, you’re following the Sunnah.  And Following the Sunnah or "giving him his rights", doesn’t mean that you just let him walk all over you and treat you like crap either!  And it doesn’t matter what kind of union you are in regarding that! 

     As I said to someone last night, I’m tired of these trifling, supposedly Muslim brothers, treating their wives like crap, and using some convoluted version of the "Sunnah" to justify it!  And the women take it, because they think they are being pious or patient or "following the Sunnah" or something!  Allah gave us our rights for a reason, and it’s just as much a part of the Sunnah to uphold and exercise those rights, whether you’re for polygyny or not for it, in your own life.  Of course, this doesn’t even touch on the problems of polygyny here in the US and other Western countries, and to me, there is just too much danger of women not being accorded their full rights, and this is just another reason that for me, I just don’t think it would work.