Assalamu alaikum, I’ve been wanting to blog on this for a while, I’ve just not had the time or the energy to do it.
Firstly, I do believe, though it’s uncomfortable for me to say so, that there is a such thing as "white privilege". And my "uncomfortableness" stems for the fact that I don’t like the "privilege" that I have, just because of the color of my skin, which is something that Allah has endowed me with, and which is something that I have no control over.
And I’m not sure if my blindness makes me immune to white racism or racist / prejudiced ideology and sentiments or not. I used to think that because I couldn’t see color, and because I was not taught to be racist or have any prejudices as a child, that maybe somehow I had "escaped" having thoughts and feelings of racial superiority and privilege ingrained in me.
But now I’m not so sure, when I really look back on things and take a look at myself. Though for the most part, I was open-minded, and my first reaction was to read and explore, rather than to condemn, I can’t say that I was like that with everything. For a lot of my life, I definitely had a superiority complex when it came to me as an American.
As an example of this, a case in point would be how I viewed Islam, as a teenager. I remember thinking once that I did not want to be part of something that was oppressive to women, and that was so violent. May Allah forgive me for thinking this way, because I simply did not know any better. Tying into this was the reaction I had, when my father was considering working in Saudi Arabia, and I was told how once in Saudi, I’d have to cover up everything, from head to toe, and that I couldn’t take my Braille Bible with me, because Saudi Arabia didn’t allow anything of a Christian nature into the country. If any of this is wrong / incorrect, I make my apologies now, because this is simply what I was told.
But anyway, my reaction to this was "What? No one is going to tell me, the independent, free-thinking, American woman what to wear or what to read or what to worship!" Oh, no, not me! I’d rather have stayed in this country, then go "over there" and be subjected to such treatment!
That was what I thought then. I took the covering up and the rejection of Christian symbols as an insult / assault to me as an American. And now I’m a Muslim! Allah definitely works in mysterious ways, doesn’t He!?
But anyway, I consider myself an open-minded person. I do my best to nip any prejudices I might feel in the bud, before they get entrenched in my thought processes. But I’m still afraid. I’m afraid that the "white racist" is lurking somewhere in me, lying dormant, just waiting to jump out, just when I least expect it.
To be honest, I have many conflicting feelings about race. What I mean is, I’m afraid to say that I’m open-minded, because then someone is going to come along and say, "Yeah right, you’re open-minded. You might think you are but you’re white, and all white people are racist, or they have racist or prejudiced feelings, but they just don’t want to admit it". Am I like that? Is there a dormant Klan member, just waiting to come out?
And let’s just say, is it possible that no matter how I strive to rid myself of any prejudices, I will always have the stamp of "racism" marked on me forever, just simply because I am white?
And that is what makes me uncomfortable. I definitely accept and feel that there is a such thing as "white privilege". But I don’t have to, and definitely don’t, like it. And as a white person and a Muslim, I strive daily to better my character, and that can and does include everything from striving to pray on time, to watching my tongue and actions, to ridding myself of racism and prejudice.
But I do have to say that for me, my blindness has sort of shielded me from having racist / prejudicial ideas becoming a part of my thinking, because I simply did not know that there were different races / colors, and I guess the stereotypical images of "the other", whoever that might have been, just never got stamped on my brain, simply because I just didn’t see them. But is that a credible defense? Is that just an "excuse", just to make myself feel better?
I just think that while admittedly, there is still racism / prejudice in the world, and while there is a such thing as "white privilege" in the world, I think also those of us who are white, and who recognize that there is racism and prejudice in the world, and who also recognize that there is a certain privilege in being white, though we may not be comfortable with that, I don’t know how to say it, because I don’t want to seem like we should get a pat on the back for recognizing and trying to do away with such things, but…
I don’t know, I just don’t think "we", the white people who are trying to make a difference in stamping out prejudice both within and without ourselves, we just shouldn’t be lumped in with other white people who are walking around thinking that racism and prejudice are a thing of the past.
There are so many other things that I’d wanted to touch on. But I just don’t have the energy, and I just can’t put into words right now what I’d wanted to. And compared to what others have said on the subject, my words just don’t seem to do the topic any justice.